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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not paying even though I 'invited '?

986 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 09:10

Background:
For my dds birthday last year we invited some friends to soft play at a pub. I played entry for all the kids (and some siblings that came unexpectedly too). We brought a cake and everyone had a piece as well as juice to drink, if they wanted anything else they had to buy it (tea/coffee etc). As it came to dinner time I told them we were staying for dinner and people were welcome to join us. A couple did and we then paid for their meals (they didn't seem to expect this).
I have met up with one of the mum/ child that came and stayed for the meal at the same soft play since. She'd messaged asking to meet, I said me and another friend were planning to go to soft play and have lunch there if she wanted to join. We all arrived at different times so paid our own entry (she was last, text me when outside that she was here so when she got in I looked up and waved but didn't go over) and at food time we all ordered separately. She seemed a little quiet but had said she was tired cos her lo was waking up alot. We have met up since, but not at soft play, and all seemed fine.

So, yesterday the same happened again. She called asking if I wanted to meet up over the holiday. I said we were meeting a friend at soft play today if she wanted to join but we could meet some other time if she didn't fancy it. She said she'd join but then made a joke 'I suppose you're going to treat me like last time though'. When i queried what she meant she said that she was cross last time that I didn't pay for her entry or food. I was surprised and said that we don't normally pay for each other when we go out. She said that normally if invited you'd expect the host to pay and reminded me that I had done it before for dds birthday. I said I felt that was different and that this is not an invite in the same way, if she didn't want to come then I was happy to meet some other time elsewhere but I couldn't afford to pay for her every time we meet. She put the phone down on me.
Since then she has blocked me on fb, WhatsApp etc and been in touch with the other friend, trying to change the plans so they go to a different soft play together today but without me. She's said she will pay for that woman and child as 'that's how it's done between friends '. The friend has said to her that she's not leaving me out and that she would never expect to be paid for but that she is still welcome to join us at the originally planned place, or we can meet elsewhere another time if she doesn't fancy it. She's said she will think about whether she can face it and let her know.

Was I wrong? It's not the way I've ever done it with meet ups unless it's been a special occasion. I'm a sahm and meet up with people in similar ways all the time. If I had to pay for other people every time I'd not be able to do it at all!

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/04/2018 22:16

I am really hoping we are going to do a Vlad and Vanka role play Schadenfreude during your course. I have a furry Russian hat I can bring as a prop.

Fair enough. I shall add an extra session. There will have to be a small cover charge for individual paella pans, but I will provide the beetroot.

And thank you, those of you who were kind enough today you liked it - I enjoyed writing it (especially their visit to Britain, the Salford Rat Museum, and Vanka's Romantic Interlude).

However, I shall stop now in case I derail the thread. Grin (I really am looking forward to the update).

To the poster who missed Vlad and Vanka first time round - it was on a series of threads (one of which was called the "Span Gran has landed", I think - you may be able to look them up - there were 10). It was a long, and as it turned out, very sad saga, but during it's thrilling lifetime (V & V were only avery tiny part) we had poetry (including Haikus), Flags of all Nations, Musicals, film scripts, paella recipes and the Coats of Arms for every borough in the British Isles, and paella recipes as well as the Planning Department Meetings. I think the threads are in Classics.

Sorry - going now.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/04/2018 22:17

*to say, not today

*Autocorrect and I do not get on very well, as you can see

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/04/2018 22:21

Softzilla The Accountant
Softzilla and Made Up Maths
Softzilla Party Smash
Softzilla’s got Talent (for spreading BS)
Softzilla’s always watching
Softzilla and the empty wallet

Softzillia is starting to sound like a rival to Harry Potter Middle - you could make your fortune from this series!

MiddleClassProblem · 10/04/2018 22:22

It would be a bit more sweary than Harry Potter, a little less death but a lot of fantasy.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/04/2018 22:44

Middle

Can I pre-order my copies now? Grin

Will it be very sweary?

Will they be really BAD swears?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 10/04/2018 23:24

schaden I'm so there on your course, with all the optional extras it's just not true. AND I'll so pay ££££ and €€€€ and $$$$ extra v happily for all the additional extras, including the esp good certificate and extra Russian class.

With regards to v & v; before now, I don't think I've commented on them, although I've been reading threads where they appeared. (I might have commented on those threads, but not v & v). So I just want to say to you, I read those posts and thought theynweremso, so funny and original. In fact, they were so good, I wondered if in RL you were a play or screen writer or a novelist, and wondered to myself if I'd ever read or seen something you produced. So I'm genuinely sorry and sad for you if you feel you can't do that any more. I understand, and I'm not trying to change your mind. But I wanted to know that I loved and appreciated what you did. X

Back to the softzilla party.....

GabsAlot · 10/04/2018 23:31

softzilla on crack

Goodasgoldilox · 10/04/2018 23:46

softzilla on glue

MiddleClassProblem · 11/04/2018 00:04

I don’t want to give too much away but the c bomb is dropped by someone you’d never suspect. It also has product placement with PayPal.

Your evil plan is an alternate ending on the dvd extras. You can have a credit in the “thanks to” section. I’m not paying you because you should be paying me for letting it be in there.

ReanimatedSGB · 11/04/2018 00:05

Definitely looking forward to updates from the party. I can't help wondering if this woman's name begins with J because her antics are starting to remind me of someone I once knew. (Except, thinking about it more, the J I knew is probably too old to have a small child).

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/04/2018 05:55

I think if you include the word "softzilla" in any title of your new thread, we'll all find you OP!

I suspect the rumour that you weren't coming was pure wishful thinking - HOW disappointed will Softz be when you turn up! Halloween Grin

Schaden - I too saw your last V&V set, and I thought you got unnecessary levels of abuse over it too. Sad that they've been removed :( - they were very well done.

FantasticButtocks · 11/04/2018 08:17

Softzill - you play, you pay!

Been lurking, but thought I'd dive in with my suggestion for next thread title Grin

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/04/2018 08:27

Easter Wink Easter Wink Easter Wink Easter Wink Easter Wink

Too kind, All. Too kind.

I am but an humble retiree with a house full of dogs, a Fry's Chocolate Cream habit and (currently) a Really Sore Elbow where I fell over in M&S (and thereby hangs a tale . . . )

Lizzie48 · 11/04/2018 10:00

I've been thinking about this thread this morning. My DDs and I are meeting with a mum friend and her DDs at a soft play place. I wonder if She should pay for my DDs as she invited us to join them??

But obviously not, I'm not a CF. I can't understand the mentality at all.

Scarpetta1982 · 11/04/2018 10:32

Softzilla- part2?

Lizzie48 · 11/04/2018 11:06

And at least I know that my friend won't expect me to pay for her either. The only thing I do pay for is a cup of tea for the friend I'm with.

People like 'Softzilla' should definitely be avoided if at all possible.

kiwimummy11 · 11/04/2018 11:14

Softzilla: softplaying by the rules.
Softzilla: fleecing me softly.

LaContessaDiPlump · 11/04/2018 11:31

I love Fleecing me softly!!

Fleecing me softly; the Softzilla saga continues!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/04/2018 12:31

Softzilla: fleecing me softly.

YES!!!

Pick this one OP

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 11/04/2018 12:38

Another vote for
Softzilla: fleecing me softly
Grin

NightLion · 11/04/2018 13:12

Lol, yes! Fleecing me Softly is the way to go forth.

flowergrrl77 · 11/04/2018 13:15

@SchadenfreudePersonified I always found V&V funny, xx

Just wanted to say that I am saddened that you received shite over it...

So all we need now is to wait for the party date to pass by so we can hear what craziness Softzilla manages!

QuackPorridgeBacon · 11/04/2018 13:31

SchadenfreudePersonified Ahh Thank you. I shall take a look.

Another vote for “fleecing me softly” brilliant stuff Grin

KeepServingTheDrinks · 11/04/2018 14:36

Controversially, I prefer "soft-playing by the rules".

SchadenfreudePersonified I will come and eat a fry's chocolate cream with you any time. And you could tell me about your elbow.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 11/04/2018 14:52
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