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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not paying even though I 'invited '?

986 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 09:10

Background:
For my dds birthday last year we invited some friends to soft play at a pub. I played entry for all the kids (and some siblings that came unexpectedly too). We brought a cake and everyone had a piece as well as juice to drink, if they wanted anything else they had to buy it (tea/coffee etc). As it came to dinner time I told them we were staying for dinner and people were welcome to join us. A couple did and we then paid for their meals (they didn't seem to expect this).
I have met up with one of the mum/ child that came and stayed for the meal at the same soft play since. She'd messaged asking to meet, I said me and another friend were planning to go to soft play and have lunch there if she wanted to join. We all arrived at different times so paid our own entry (she was last, text me when outside that she was here so when she got in I looked up and waved but didn't go over) and at food time we all ordered separately. She seemed a little quiet but had said she was tired cos her lo was waking up alot. We have met up since, but not at soft play, and all seemed fine.

So, yesterday the same happened again. She called asking if I wanted to meet up over the holiday. I said we were meeting a friend at soft play today if she wanted to join but we could meet some other time if she didn't fancy it. She said she'd join but then made a joke 'I suppose you're going to treat me like last time though'. When i queried what she meant she said that she was cross last time that I didn't pay for her entry or food. I was surprised and said that we don't normally pay for each other when we go out. She said that normally if invited you'd expect the host to pay and reminded me that I had done it before for dds birthday. I said I felt that was different and that this is not an invite in the same way, if she didn't want to come then I was happy to meet some other time elsewhere but I couldn't afford to pay for her every time we meet. She put the phone down on me.
Since then she has blocked me on fb, WhatsApp etc and been in touch with the other friend, trying to change the plans so they go to a different soft play together today but without me. She's said she will pay for that woman and child as 'that's how it's done between friends '. The friend has said to her that she's not leaving me out and that she would never expect to be paid for but that she is still welcome to join us at the originally planned place, or we can meet elsewhere another time if she doesn't fancy it. She's said she will think about whether she can face it and let her know.

Was I wrong? It's not the way I've ever done it with meet ups unless it's been a special occasion. I'm a sahm and meet up with people in similar ways all the time. If I had to pay for other people every time I'd not be able to do it at all!

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 10/04/2018 09:46

My word, she's just horrible, isn't she? You all need to give her a wide berth, I think. I do feel sorry for her DC though.

TomRavenscroft · 10/04/2018 09:58

Go with knobs on.

She's a lunatic.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 10/04/2018 09:59

You can make a big joke about the grapevine being broken, so anything about you is probably not true unless they hear it directly from you. Just making the joke will make people more aware of where they are hearing things from.

MrsMozart · 10/04/2018 10:00

Beyond barking.

Hoping the party goes okay and party child doesn't notice the adult atmosphere.

Go. Hold head up. Enjoy.

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 10/04/2018 10:18

I assume CF had hoped you'd been disinvited after she told her tale to party mum. Sadly she's counted her chickens before they hatched.

To take a leaf from schaden's book, I'd get party mum and friend 1 to 'confirm' your lack of attendance then show up anyway Grin

Mummingainteasy · 10/04/2018 10:22

This chick is unreal!!!! She's digging herself into something she will struggle to claw her way out of.

Go to the party OP!!

HolyMountain · 10/04/2018 10:22

Why on earth would she start that rumour and think she’d get away with it?

Groovee · 10/04/2018 10:57

Jeez she's rather obsessed! Why on earth wouldn't you go to the party?

MiddleClassProblem · 10/04/2018 10:59

That’s bizarre. I bet it went from her talking about the finances and her saying something along the lines of “she probably won’t come to the party”

browneyes77 · 10/04/2018 11:06

This woman is doing a grand job of making herself look like a loony tune with every day that passes.

She is involving other friends in the group and trying to get them to be supporting of her/be on her side, but what she’s actually achieving is making herself look like a trouble causer and liar to wider members of the group.

She’s creating drama, but in her desperation to come out on top, she’s actually pushing the group closer to you and making herself look like the foolish one.

As the saying goes, “give someone enough rope and they’ll hang themselves”. Which is exactly what she’s doing.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 10/04/2018 11:24

I mean. We knew she was batshit but she doesn't know when to stop. I assume party friend and friend one know the score and have worked out where this has all come from. I don't know what she's hoping to achieve.

Browneyes has it right - give 'em enough rope and they'll hang themselves. That's what she's doing. Stay calm. She can do all the work for you and show everyone what she's really like.

Ps. When's the party?

mummmy2017 · 10/04/2018 11:38

What a stupid woman.....
She messed up and can't backd

LML83 · 10/04/2018 11:39

I can't believe this thread. You have handled it perfectly OP. Hope the party goes well.

QueenDaisy · 10/04/2018 11:52

Wow, this CF woman is unbelievable, sounds like playground stuff, you really need to cut this horrid person out of your life Flowers

zzzzz · 10/04/2018 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BewareOfDragons · 10/04/2018 12:13

I think you're going to need another thread for the run up to the party and party itself!

The hole she is digging is well deep!

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 10/04/2018 12:25

I'll open another thread for the party but I'm hoping it will be boring! What shall I call it?

OP posts:
UnsuspectedItem · 10/04/2018 12:25

Shamelessly placemarking.
Cuntpuffin friend sounds unhinged

HolyMountain · 10/04/2018 12:26

One thing for sure is that the friendship between the pair of you must be well and truly over after this?

Gemini69 · 10/04/2018 12:28

call it..... Twilight Zone Grin

LaContessaDiPlump · 10/04/2018 12:28

It's my party and I'll pay if I want to?

Grin
DeegeeDee · 10/04/2018 12:33

Surely it should be It's Not My Party and I'll Pay If I Want To? @lacontessa? But love it!

Clutterbugsmum · 10/04/2018 12:34

My god she trying really hard to remove from the friendship group isn't she.

I think you, and your friends should go early to 'help' party friend set up the party so you are all there when CF (although I she gone way past cheeky and is now firmly in the madder the a box of frogs friend now). And all give money for dinner to party friend in advance, and watcher her head spin.

HolyMountain · 10/04/2018 12:35

After this I feel you should go along with Schadenfreuds's dastardly genius plan.

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 10/04/2018 12:48

Softzilla: it's not my party so I shouldn't pay
Grin

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