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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my friend sends her daughter to school holiday camp too much?

169 replies

Rosgos · 03/04/2018 16:58

My friend is a SAHM to an 8 year old little girl. Was trying to arrange a play date for her and my DD.
Found out she sends her to the school-run holiday 'camp' daycare during every half term, easter, and summer holiday from 7.30am-1.30pm. Except the 1 week she spends with her dad (separated parents) in the summer and the 1 over xmas (and she's with him EO weekend), this little girl only seems to have proper time off from school with her mum and stepdad for a week over xmas. I couldn't handle that! As a mummy or as a child!

I'm sorry I just couldn't imagine doing that if i were a SAHM with no work commitments (I'm a teacher so I'm off during school hols and DDs do a week in the summer somewhere outdoorsy for the experience - but the school-run one is just so boring!)

I'd want my DC with me as much as possible!!

OP posts:
EnglishGirlApproximately · 04/04/2018 08:45

Ds is off to sports club today, I’m not working so he could stay with me but he’s been looking forward to it for weeks. I do play dates of course but only one or two kids at a time, and I don’t have a bouncy slide, football nets, a pool table, archery, giant jenga, dodge ball or the other thirty odd activities that they do here so he’s choosing to have a busy day with loads of friends. I’ll be mostly drinking coffee and shopping Smile

Okadas · 04/04/2018 08:47

Surely quality over quantity applies here. Maybe your friend uses this time to do other things her DD would find boring or inappropriate. "No work commitments" doesn't mean she does nothing all day.

In the 90s when the church buses came around in the evenings my mother would throw us on the first one that arrived just to get us out from under her feet so she could finish her chores and relax. I don't think she even knew which church we were half the time haha.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/04/2018 08:51

I can only afford 2 days a week during the holidays, but it gives ds much needed interaction with other kids tgat he does not have at home, gives me respite. I send dd to her special school Ho,iday club too. Before it, I was a wreck during the six week holidays. My mental health was very bad. Holiday club is a lifesaver. Op, this girls holiday club is only half day, plenty of time to collect her and do other things with her. Don't be so judgy!

MrsJayy · 04/04/2018 08:53

I used to work at playschemes in the school holidays they were always busy kids like routine they like to do stuff and they like to play with their friends, these days some parents are obsessed with micro managing their kids time playdates etc etc Holiday clubs give children a chance to blow off steam ime

Sockwomble · 04/04/2018 09:05

All the NT 8 year olds that I know are out playing with their friends. They don't want to spend all day with a parent and would consider themselves too old for arranged play dates.

veggiethrower · 04/04/2018 09:20

Eh? None of your business.
Maybe she wants to give her child the opportunity to do lots of activities with other children. Maybe she wants to improve her children's social skills. Maybe her child loves to go to camp. Maybe there's something going on at home which you don't know about which means she really needs a break from her DD even in the holidays - elderly parents needing care, personal health problems - or something like that.

Maybe she struggles to cope for whatever reason.
It's nothing to do with you.

MickHucknallspinkpancakes · 04/04/2018 09:30

Yes she does send her DC to camp too much - aren't there around 10 weeks + holiday in a school year? Her father should at least be taking her for 5 of those weeks.

Why not question why that doesn't happen, OP?

Maybe she just wants to be like the rest of us single mums....everyone knows once the kids are out of the house we can't wait to lodge our spotty arses on the sofa, and force feed ourselves whole chocolate mini rolls with one fist whilst intermittently playing on line Wingo Lingo Foxy Loxy Poxy Bingo and strumming ourselves stupid to Jeremy Kyle.

Adversecamber22 · 04/04/2018 09:33

Your friend is only sending her child in the morning, she then has from 1.30 onwards.

That seems a great arrangement, your friend can do all the boring chores without hinderance and also have some time to herself and still have all afternoon to do things with her DD.

Tamingoftheglue · 04/04/2018 09:38

Do you ever think your dc get bored of you all holidays and are desperate to go to holiday clubs? I dont think you get any medals for being the perfect mother you sound like a total martyr

Applause.

I send my kids to pgl twice a year OP. AND dh and I have been away for a few days of sun whilst they were there. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

smurfy2015 · 04/04/2018 09:42

Havent read the full thread but here is my thoughts,

My niece is going to her annual drama summer residential for the 5th year running, she saves money from presents and babysitting and extra chores to fund this and we also give her spending money and usually give her a shopping spree before or after. This year the residential will cost 410 euro from Saturday lunchtime till Friday afternoon. Its intense, exhausting but she has an absolute ball and is buzzing the whole time as we can tell by her social media updates.

During the school year she chooses to attend 2 different drama schools to hone different skills so on a weekly basis, her dad picks up the bill for those which works out at £25 for the Tuesday evening one as its professional training and working towards exams. He also does about 60 miles extra driving to facilitate her doing this.

On a Saturday during the school year, she travels from the town where she lives to the city and then across the city to train with national drama group. This is at a high cost as well, food while she is out and extra money so she can use to sit in a cafe or somewhere for safety, phone credit so she can call for help if needed, bus fares (45e approx - 2.5 hours each way) as well as the cost of the classes she attends while she is there

She is much loved, she looks forward to the residential all year meeting up with old friends and making new ones, we all know she will sleep flat out for 2/3 days when she returns and then she will tell us about it, not a lot of sleep usually has taken place

As a child i went to a summer scheme once in the local town, it was on for 6 hours a day for 5 days a week, i wasnt keen on it but it was down to me rather than them as they had loads of activities happening - i think i was about 10

However when i was 11, i went to a residential week long camp which was spilt into 2 parts, the first part was sat-weds staying in college dorms and having use of local college sports facilities which were some of the best in the country at that time, and then on the wednesday we packed up and moved to a little inlet off a river where there was barges moored and we all had to bunk into sleepers in the barges and there was a hotel about 50 metres away where we had all our meals - on the sat morning finally packed up again and returned back to where the leaders had picked us up a week before and they took another 2 busloads of children off for an adventure.

I do however remember 2 american boys, this was the very first week of the camp i was there and they were booked to stay till the last week, so had 8 weeks of camp.

That camp changed my life in a couple of ways one of them being that i was a very shy quiet timid girl before going away, however we were all grouped together according to our ages and at that point i was 11, there was 11 more 11 year olds, who were all boys and we all were at the stage were "we might catch cooties" but i learned very quickly to speak up and made my voice heard and since then ive never shut up, -

the length of this message is testament to that lol

What im saying op it may be more beneficial for the child to do the camps, they are also seeing their parent in the afternoon which is still an ok time to do something together if desired

Aeroflotgirl · 04/04/2018 09:42

Ds holiday club is fab, they do zorbing, wall climbing, swimming, cooking, they take them to places such as Woburn Safari park, Warwick Castle, Leicester space centre, Gulliversland. It is cheaper through holiday club, than me paying for it, with transport, and enterence fees. I don't drive(I am learning), and trains are very expensive. Plus I have an Autistic dd, who does not like change and going out much, and a ds who wants to be entertained every minute of the day.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 04/04/2018 10:06

Sounds to me like the only reason you are pissed off is because this child is not available to occupy your child on a playdate. Maybe you should send your child to holiday club.

sleepymouse · 04/04/2018 10:46

My DD always asks to go to vacation care in the holidays, she's very social and enjoys the activities and excursions. My DS however would rather be at home hanging out with his toys. Maybe your friend's child asks to go. If that works for their family I don't see any problem

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 04/04/2018 11:51

Do you ever think your dc get bored of you all holidays and are desperate to go to holiday clubs?

no need to project the boredom of your own kids onto other people, some families do a lot and the kids are more than happy to be busy with their families instead of being bored at camp.

Snowjoker · 04/04/2018 12:10

PGL, zorbing, drama camp - none of these are remotely comparable to a local primary school holiday club.

MrsJayy · 04/04/2018 12:52

I wasn't projecting Ikeep just offering a different viewpoint that children might like to go to holiday clubs and don't want to hang out with family all holiday and the OP was judging her "friend" for sending her child like it was some sort of lazy parenting,

MrsJayy · 04/04/2018 12:56

And just because a mother is at home like the op "friend" doesn't mean she has to stay with her kid 24/7 being a Sahp has turned into a competative sport on mumsnet it is ridiculous

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 04/04/2018 13:45

I'm torn on this. I'm an only and both my parents were at home all the time. I hated holiday clubs, I think I went to one out of curiosity or DM thinking it was healthy to mix and I was happy not to go again. I was not pressured to go as there was no need for me to do so but I could have gone, if I wanted to. Fortunately I was happy to be sent round relatives if holiday childcare was needed - and fortunately they would have had me. As your friend is in a fortunate position wrt to school holidays, it's up to her and her DC what they do. As long as her Dd wants to be there she should go.

I also think it stands DC in good stead for the realities of working life. I had very long holidays abroad that I would not have swapped. But found the real world and holiday allowances a shock as I got older. Going to club might have made it less of a shock.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/04/2018 15:00

Unfortunately, not everyone has friends or relatives who could help. Dh and I have nobody, mum, is 82 and lives 50 mikes away, and dh fami,y live abroad.

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