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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend sends her daughter to school holiday camp too much?

169 replies

Rosgos · 03/04/2018 16:58

My friend is a SAHM to an 8 year old little girl. Was trying to arrange a play date for her and my DD.
Found out she sends her to the school-run holiday 'camp' daycare during every half term, easter, and summer holiday from 7.30am-1.30pm. Except the 1 week she spends with her dad (separated parents) in the summer and the 1 over xmas (and she's with him EO weekend), this little girl only seems to have proper time off from school with her mum and stepdad for a week over xmas. I couldn't handle that! As a mummy or as a child!

I'm sorry I just couldn't imagine doing that if i were a SAHM with no work commitments (I'm a teacher so I'm off during school hols and DDs do a week in the summer somewhere outdoorsy for the experience - but the school-run one is just so boring!)

I'd want my DC with me as much as possible!!

OP posts:
ikeepaforkinmypurse · 03/04/2018 17:52

YANBU

I don't understand parents who can't be bothered to spend any time with their children, and put them away in camps or other even on their days off.
It seems that the child is happier if that's how her own mother feel, it's a bit sad really.

I completely understand that some time in camp can be great for everybody, but when do they get time to do things together? Even if I have 2 weeks off, I struggle to cram everything in and always wish the holidays were much longer.

Don't worry about hypocritical posters telling you not to judge, they will be the ones making nasty judgement on different threads about different subjects.

thethoughtfox · 03/04/2018 17:52

Why are (certain) people assuming the only reasons someone would send their child to activities are negative ones: childcare they don't need, to get away from their child or for ' me time'? Most kids love activities and the company of other children.

kierenthecommunity · 03/04/2018 17:53

As a WOHP, I needed those camps and it's a bit galling to find the spaces taken up by the DC of SAHPs.

As a working parent then you should realise it’s first come first served and organise yourself to request a place as soon as they come available. Your snooze you lose.

Mintychoc1 · 03/04/2018 17:53

OP I don't think YABU. Why doesn't she ever want to take her child on day trips etc? I guess maybe the girl wants to go to the club, in which care fair enough - but it seems sad to me than an 8 year old wouldn't want to spend time with her Mum. Age 12 maybe, but at 8 they're usually more "parent centred".

LucyGayheart · 03/04/2018 17:54

I'm sorry I just couldn't imagine doing that

Maybe you could take a course on exercising your imagination...? It sounds a bit rusty.

CisPinkHoodie · 03/04/2018 17:54

She's got from 1.30 to bedtime to be parent-centred

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 03/04/2018 17:55

My DS was in camps as much as possible at that age. He's extremely extrovert and active so it suited him. DD preferred to stay at home with me at that age, except for the school summer camp which only ran for two weeks in the summer. She loved that.

Perhaps she has let her DD chose what she wants to do. That's what I did.

PopcornOrCandyfloss · 03/04/2018 17:56

The comment re men having hobbies and being flamed for not using the time as family time is very true. You see comments all the time on here re them opting out of family life if they dare go for drinks or a round of golf etc.

Unless the child really rwanted to go I'd be highly cross to be funding a SAHP and then having to pay childcare on top too.

senua · 03/04/2018 17:56

Um, thanks for the compliment YoKo. Shame you spoiled it by carrying on ... [sadface] Grin

Maybe it's different these days, but in my day there weren't many holiday spaces and it was a real struggle to secure a place. It was galling to see spaces taken by those that didn't need them. I don't see why so many are posting to the effect that their DC are going to camp to see their friends - doesn't anyone do playdates at home any more?

SarfE4sticated · 03/04/2018 17:57

As a teacher OP you probably work really long hours so really relish the time you spend with your children. Your friend on the other hand probably spends loads of time with her DD anyway, so is happy for her to go to the summer camps.

Snowjoker · 03/04/2018 17:57

There are a tiny amount of places at my dc's school for breakfast and afternoon clubs, for example. If the spaces were all taken by parents who dropped them off and then had no employment to go to then I would not just be pissed off I'd be out of work. It's easy to say all children have the same right to a place when your mortgage payments don't depend on getting one.

MiaowMix · 03/04/2018 17:57

I think OP just loves her child more than most of the other mummies. Probably.

UrgentScurryfunge · 03/04/2018 17:57

I've never NEEDED holiday care as when I was working I was teaching so was free in the holidays. I kept up nursery places and used out of school clubs (P/T) because the DCs needed time with their own peers and not just between themselves and me. I also need some "me" time to get some quiet and do things by myself. In the absence of family/ other options that's paid childcare.

I didn't use any last summer as it was an odd transition point between nursery/ school. Now the DCs can both attend the same sports clubs, I'm more likely to put them in for some days again. Now I'm a SAHM they have a lot of my company for about 362 days a year!

I found six weeks at home with a SAHM incredibly long. I didn't have local friends so only saw them for a few organised occasions. We often didn't go away. A change of scenery and company would have been amazing!

notsohippychick · 03/04/2018 17:58

How judgemental. I send my son to a club now and again in the holidays. I am also a SAHM.

Both my children happen to have additional needs. Having them home together is hard fucking work. Mentally and physically.

You are lucky your life is bed of roses OP. Others aren’t. Get off your high horse.

FairNotFair · 03/04/2018 18:02

I think OP just loves her child more than most of the other mummies

How dare you, @MiaowMix? For your information, I'm still wearing my DS in a sling. He's 16 years old, but that's not the point.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 03/04/2018 18:02

I find this idea that children need long breaks a bit odd. It makes them sound like real wimps. In many countries children routinely attend summer/ holiday camps and have done for many years. Its seem as a privilage.

There was the news story last week about an ex private head teacher suggesting children revise for 7 hours a day and I know people who thought it was a disgrace because children “need their downtime” not too much of an issue for the privileged children he taught though was it?

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 03/04/2018 18:07

I would totally do that if I was a SAHM and could afford it.

I had a day off work today but sent DS to nursery anyway because, frankly, 4 days of togetherness was quite enough. He had fun and I have caught up with all the cleaning, laundry, admin and cooking. I haven't felt this relaxed since I gave birth.

FleurDelacoeur · 03/04/2018 18:07

I've just booked my two onto a drama workshop club for the summer holidays, they're going to be out 10am to 4pm for FIVE DAYS and as I freelance from home, I get peace and quiet.

#Lovemykids

teenagerparent · 03/04/2018 18:10

My DD is an only child ( much older now ) but she used to love afterschool/holiday clubs so she could be with friends. I think if your friends child likes it then mornings only is ideal, she can get stuff done/time to herself in a morning and then can have loads of time together in afternoons/weekends. Sounds ace to me!

BoucleJacket · 03/04/2018 18:11

You sound like a right goady article OP.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 03/04/2018 18:11

I find this idea that children need long breaks a bit odd. It makes them sound like real wimps. Hmm
It depends what you call a break, it depends on the age and it depends on the children.

Keeping your children home to watch tv all day is just as bad (or worst), but never having an entire day to do anything with them is odd. Even if you are home, there's no time after school to do much, so getting rid of the kids for the entire school breaks is odd.

notsohippychick · 03/04/2018 18:11

fair brilliant!!!

AcrossthePond55 · 03/04/2018 18:11

I think it's nice that you want to be with your children every waking moment. But it's also nice that your friend wants her DD to socialize with other children, take part in activities, and foster her independence by taking part in holiday camp. Both are valid parenting strategies.

And you may want to watch out on that pedestal you've put yourself on. The view may be great up there, but it's a long way down if you should tumble off!

SaucyJane · 03/04/2018 18:12

Your "friend"?

How do you judge people who aren't your friends for things that are none of your business then?!

Spudlet · 03/04/2018 18:13

Oh look, a SAHM bashing thread. Thank god. It must have been at least ten minutes since the last one.

To think my friend sends her daughter to school holiday camp too much?
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