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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD (3) alone in public toilets?

134 replies

Lazinganddazing · 03/04/2018 15:32

DP has just informed me that when he takes DD (3.5) out, he lets her go to the toilet by herself.
She’s told me this before but I assumed she meant the disabled toilet but I’ve now found out it’s the large female toilets at places like restaurants, shopping centres, farm etc. (They have a day out just them once a week)
I’m not sure why this makes me uncomfortable, she’s a confident girl and is fine going by herself but I don’t think she’d lock the cubicle door and I know it’s woman’s toilets but being female doesn’t automatically mean you’re a good person and despite him being outside the main door it’s a long way away if she needed help.
So AIBU to be annoyed by this? I’ve told him he needs to take her to disabled/men’s in future and he thinks I’m massively overreacting and that most men would do this.

OP posts:
Tink2007 · 03/04/2018 15:34

Personally I would be annoyed as I think 3 and a half is far too young to go into toilets by herself.

MollyDaydream · 03/04/2018 15:35

Surely she can't wash her hands?

Tink2007 · 03/04/2018 15:35

My DH has taken our girls either into the men’s, a disabled toilet or a baby change toilet as a lot of them in London also have a toilet in. He would never send them in on their own at that age.

LittleOwl153 · 03/04/2018 15:35

Nope not at 3. My 8yr old goes alone but that has only been recently and only where I know there is only 1 exit.

Tink2007 · 03/04/2018 15:36

How does she reach the sinks to wash her hands?

Cockmagic · 03/04/2018 15:37

Yeah 3 is far too young. Mines only just started going along (9)

ranoutofquinoa · 03/04/2018 15:37

No way how many children have been assaulted in toilets. The only time I let my 7 year old DD go by herself is if it's a single toilet and I can watch the door while she's there.

MirandaWest · 03/04/2018 15:38

Xh and I split up when DD was 5 and I’m pretty sure he took her into the toilets at that age

Pinkvoid · 03/04/2018 15:39

My DF would either take me into a disabled loo or into the men’s at a push when I was young. Probably until I was 9/10 tbh. 3.5 is farrrr too young to be using public toilets alone, she won’t even be able to reach the sink.

Liskee · 03/04/2018 15:41

I wouldn’t trust 3 year old DS alone in our bathroom by himself for 5 mins let alone a public toilet where there are other people to consider and that I don’t trust. YANBU.

NoSquirrels · 03/04/2018 15:42

No! 3.5 is tiny. If he can't see inside, then he can't know what's going on in there. In an accessible cubicle he can look inside/stand outside the door.

You're not over-reacting. My DC have been going alone if e.g. in a restaurant and they go together, since youngest being 5, maybe? But in a shopping centre or somewhere like that they are still accompanied and youngest is 7.

Apart from anything else, other concerned people in the ladies might worry about her and then try to talk to her and then you're opening up a can of worms?

Aoifeaye · 03/04/2018 15:42

3 and a half! I think that's far too young, not just safety reasons but practical ones. My partner either takes her in the men's or uses a baby change room. He tends to go for baby change I think over using the men's.

Ubercornsdiscoball · 03/04/2018 15:43

My husband takes our 3.5 year old in with him if they are out

Aoifeaye · 03/04/2018 15:43

Apart from anything else, other concerned people in the ladies might worry about her and then try to talk to her and then you're opening up a can of worms?

I was thinking that too. If I saw a child that young alone in the toilets, I'd be concerned.

Original poster
Lazinganddazing · 03/04/2018 15:43

I’m glad you all agree with me! Will show him you responses.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 03/04/2018 15:45

oh god, that's far too young

OverTheMountain42 · 03/04/2018 15:48

Far too young, plus there can be some pretty icky things in public toilets and kids are curious or don't realise things. Let alone all the other reasons.

MadRainbow · 03/04/2018 15:49

My 4 year old wouldn't know what to do with herself on her own, and just asked my DH he doesn't understand how your XH could do that - he would stay with her even in a disabled loo. He reckons 8/9 is an ok age to start letting her go alone.

DairyisClosed · 03/04/2018 15:49

When I was a child is was publicly advised not to allow you g children to take themselves to the toilet as these were common haunting grounds for pedophiles. I don't know if that is still the case but why take the risk?

MadRainbow · 03/04/2018 15:50

Oh sorry just realised you said DP not XH. Dunno where I got that from...

stitchglitched · 03/04/2018 15:51

She is far too young, he should take her into the mens, just like mothers take their young kids with them into the women's. Not sure why using the disabled loo is necessary.

sarcasmisnotthelowestformofwit · 03/04/2018 15:55

woah way to young IMO. I still go in with DD (5) but obv as we are both female we go in together. DS goes in alone (8) and has done for a year or so.

Birdsgottafly · 03/04/2018 15:55

Another reason why so young children being left to go by themselves, annoys me, is the mess that they can make, peeing on the seat etc, which isn't their fault.

But I agree, he is putting her at risk.

Wintertime4 · 03/04/2018 15:56

Yanbu she is way too young.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 03/04/2018 15:56

There's no way I'd let my dd (same age) go in alone. She's a very sensible and confident child, but there are so many things to go wrong.

  • She couldn't wash her hands
  • she'd struggle to get herself onto some toilets
  • she'd be very likely to get all sorts on her hands if the toilet itself wasn't clean
  • in many toilets she'd struggle to teach the toilet paper and definitely couldn't turn the dispenser to a new roll if needed
  • She couldn't flush a lot of toilets as the mechanism would be out of reach

Need I go on?
He's being very lazy. Dh regularly takes dd to the loo when out - there's no way either of us would have her go alone!