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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD (3) alone in public toilets?

134 replies

Lazinganddazing · 03/04/2018 15:32

DP has just informed me that when he takes DD (3.5) out, he lets her go to the toilet by herself.
She’s told me this before but I assumed she meant the disabled toilet but I’ve now found out it’s the large female toilets at places like restaurants, shopping centres, farm etc. (They have a day out just them once a week)
I’m not sure why this makes me uncomfortable, she’s a confident girl and is fine going by herself but I don’t think she’d lock the cubicle door and I know it’s woman’s toilets but being female doesn’t automatically mean you’re a good person and despite him being outside the main door it’s a long way away if she needed help.
So AIBU to be annoyed by this? I’ve told him he needs to take her to disabled/men’s in future and he thinks I’m massively overreacting and that most men would do this.

OP posts:
JuniLoolaPalooza · 03/04/2018 15:57

My DP doesn't like taking our DD into the men's cos they are often filthy. But he would never in a million YEARS consider letting her go into the women's by herself. That's insane!
If I saw a 3 year old by herself in there I'd be asking who she was with etc.

neveradullmoment99 · 03/04/2018 15:57

Far too little. How can he be sure that she washes her hands properly or doesn't touch stuff that is unhygienic? No way!

MammaAgata · 03/04/2018 15:58

I would be furious if my husband allowed my daughter to go into the public toilets by herself. I would not allow my niece to go into female toilets by herself until she was about 12 (cinema etc) and even then I waited outside. I have heard some shocking stories about girls being sexually assaulted in public toilets and notoriously in a Sainsbury's toilet. Definitely a no no IMHO.

TheCatFromOuterSpace · 03/04/2018 15:58

Dd is 5 and I would only let her go on her own in a few places, eg our local soft play.

Ishoos · 03/04/2018 15:58

Another “hell no!” to add to the long list. I’d also be worried that sometimes the water in the taps is very hot.

neveradullmoment99 · 03/04/2018 15:59

When our dc were that small, he always took them into the toilet. If I saw a child that age on her own, I would wonder why and where are her parents!

Megs4x3 · 03/04/2018 15:59

Using the disabled loo in the absence of a family/baby changing one ensures privacy and enough space. Men with daughters don't generally want to go into the women's toilets any more than women with sons want to go into the men's and people seem to have a thing about not taking little girls into the men's loos - all those urinals will frighten them you know. :-)

Commuterface · 03/04/2018 15:59

Wow. 3 is far far too young. Me and DH take it in turns to take our DDs to the toilet when we are out. Or if we are on our own with them we'll obviously go in with them. Heck I even go into the cubicle with them both and they are 6 and 4.

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 03/04/2018 15:59

This isn’t okay. Not only are there the sexual dangers we all think of with toilets but my ds slipped over and banged his head in a changing room once... your daughter could do the same in a public toilet x

GabsAlot · 03/04/2018 15:59

how does he know shes wiping proerply or washing her hands-its just lazy

OlennasWimple · 03/04/2018 16:01

I would be more concerned that she isn't able to go to the toilet hygienically (for her and for other users) than anything untoward happening to her. I also object to him basically assuming that the other women using the facilities will look after her

FancyNewBeesly · 03/04/2018 16:01

I’d be absolutely livid

SirVixofVixHall · 03/04/2018 16:02

I would never allow this, my youngest dad is ten and if out without me, DH would let her go in alone now, but only in a busy loo, and he would wait outside. If self i.d. becomes law this sort of situation is even riskier, as any male at all could declare himself a woman and be in the Ladies.

91bees · 03/04/2018 16:06

Most men do not do this Shock
DP takes our two DSs into either the baby change, disabled, or men's. If we had a girl he'd do exactly the same.

How can he look after your DD properly if he's not there. She's more likely to fall and hurt herself than be attacked, but would he just stand around for a while before wondering what might've happened to her?

Aridane · 03/04/2018 16:06

DH should take her to the men's toilets.

WichBitchHarpyTerfThatsMe · 03/04/2018 16:06

That's outrageous OP. Way too young and way too dangerous. He's being neglectful and lazy imo.

Dobbythesockelf · 03/04/2018 16:06

My dd is 3. She is small for her age so she can't get onto most public toilets by herself but even if she was a bit bigger she still wouldn't be able to flush the toilet in most cases. She can't reach all handles, she can't reach most sinks. She might not be wiping herself properly, she pees on the seat a lot etc. Why can't he take her to the men's that's what my dh does. At so young she could easily get scared, hurt, led away in a very small amount of time.

Idontdowindows · 03/04/2018 16:08

Men's, disabled, or baby changing, not on her own to the ladies, that's ridiculous.

HeyRoly · 03/04/2018 16:10

What on earth made him think a child of 3.5 is capable of toileting by themselves without mishap? Honestly, I would baulk if I saw a child that young alone in a public toilet. Tell him to stop being lazy and take her to the men's.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 03/04/2018 16:10

Almost every single public toilet I have ever used (even ones in cafes) have notices on saying please do not allow under 8’s to use the toilets unsupervised.

I just asked a random bloke I work with (father of 4) if he would allow his 3yo to do the same and he looked at me like my head was about to fall off, I don’t know any men who would do this

NWQM · 03/04/2018 16:10

Cringing for you - I wouldn't be happy either. Putting aside any stranger danger some are physically not child centred. Does she not wash her hands or does she do what mine would be likely to have done at that age and have a go at climbing up ....on potentially a wet therefore slippery surface and.......I mean he really cant have checked whether the toilets are 'safe'. And just don't get me started on clean.....

CannaeBeErsed · 03/04/2018 16:12

I read this to DH and we're in a pretty quiet, low crime area and he was still horrified that someone would do that! He said he might even still take our 8yo DD now in certain places.
Please show your DP this thread. Your DD is obviously not able to wash her hands, may not be wiping right, may be being exposed to filthy cubicles and may not even be flushing. If I saw a 3yo alone in toilets I would consider contacting security. Being alone like that is potentially very dangerous.

Sirzy · 03/04/2018 16:12

Being 3 isn’t a disability therefore please don’t use the disabled toilet.

Until old enough to go alone (which 3 isn’t) they go in with whichever parent they are with.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 03/04/2018 16:12

3 is way too young. I wouldn’t let mine go in alone till age 7. DH still takes our 9 year olds.

Ebeneser · 03/04/2018 16:12

My niece is 7 and I will always go into the toilet with her. She's really bad for not washing her hands so I have to make sure she does. She's quite a petite 7 year old so has trouble reaching the sink, I'd imagine a 3 year old would never be able to reach!