DD (3) alone in public toilets?

[Lazinganddazing]

DP has just informed me that when he takes DD (3.5) out, he lets her go to the toilet by herself.
She’s told me this before but I assumed she meant the disabled toilet but I’ve now found out it’s the large female toilets at places like restaurants, shopping centres, farm etc. (They have a day out just them once a week)
I’m not sure why this makes me uncomfortable, she’s a confident girl and is fine going by herself but I don’t think she’d lock the cubicle door and I know it’s woman’s toilets but being female doesn’t automatically mean you’re a good person and despite him being outside the main door it’s a long way away if she needed help.
So AIBU to be annoyed by this? I’ve told him he needs to take her to disabled/men’s in future and he thinks I’m massively overreacting and that most men would do this.

It just feels yucky to me. At 3 mine might have innocently investigated the sanpro bin, wouldnt have know to check the seat for dribble and yuck before sitting and trousers might have got tangled around legs and ended up dragging on the floor or tripping the child, the seat is pretty high to get onto so they might have climbed up by wiggling around with goodness know what touching unsanitary surfaces. Also so many locks dont work properly and you have to futz with them to get them to work. Its not so much a safety issue for me, if the loos are busy, as a germ and ick issue

Apart from everything else that has been said she is too young to be locking the door when she goes to any toilet - yours/friends/family. You need to be able to get in there quickly if there is an accident or the lock might break and she'll be frightened.

Agreed that it's too young for practical reasons.

My 5 & 7 year olds still need prompting and sending back for things like the condition of the toilet seat, flushing, handwashing. They also struggle with the heavy doors. They are usually still accompanied by me in the ladies, unless it's somewhere like the swimming pool where the toilets are small and fairly open plan so I can hear if there is an issue. DS1 is still reluctant to venture off to unfamiliar mens toilets on his own, and is not the most independent with regard to self care. TBH, I can't safely say that I could happily send him off solo to any mens toilets in 6 months when he's 8.

This thread is a great illustration of how babied children are in the U.K

A three year old should be able to go the toilet on their own. To teach autonomy and independence is to equip children with vital skills and confidence. It has to start with small things, such as knowing how to wipe, flush and wash their hands. Of course the venue is important, but if it’s a family place (mall, cafe, museum) and an adult is waiting nearby, do you really think this is a risky endeavour? How about when they go at home, do you also follow them in to make sure they don’t lick the seat? The idea that 8 and 9 year olds need accompanying to the toilet is bewildering.

It is completely irresponsible and idiotic to leave a three year old unsupervised in any public area, let alone a public toilet. I'm not in the UK, but, like just about everyone else on this thread, I do not consider it "babying" a three year old to accompany them to a public toilet.

This has nothing to do with whether they can physically wipe their bum etc, and everything to do with making sure they are safe. Any responsible parent would do that for their (young) child.

I have seen a few very small girls in the ladies loo by themselves (at different times) and I helped one pull her clothes up and helped another wash her hands. Dads were waiting outside.

I think they know other mum’s are in there to help.

When my son was about 4 I had to send a man in the men’s to get him. Can’t remember what happened but the man came out laughing and said my son would be out soon.

Emmyrose, the British way of parenting is a social construct that most other countries in the world would reject outright. British children enjoy a very low degree of independence, autonomy and ‘risk’ learning compared with many other countries in Europe, Asia and North America.
I don’t have the time or inclination to list all the reasons why the British approach to education is at odds with the rest of the world - plenty of studies have been published on this and can be googled. And there are also plenty of indicators that children in the U.K. are among the most unhappy in the world.
I grew up helping on my father’s farm (in Canada), started planting trees at 4 years old, started babysitting neighbors’ kids at 10. Rode my bike or walked to school alone, from age 5. That was not unusual at all at the time. There was safety in numbers - if all the kids in your town roam free, it is part of the landscape, and everyone looks after everyone. The fact that we have lost this in England is deeply disturbing, and a sign that society is not ‘working’ as it should. Most kids have no freedom - they never go to the park, shops, pool, etc. without a parent.
Do you think our children in Britain are safer because of the way their independence has completely been eroded? I don’t. I think they are less resilient, less aware of their surroundings, and not prepared for responsibilities. It makes them more susceptible to bullying and anxiety. By giving my kids more independence, I’m hoping they’ll be better equipped to face the world. To each their own.

I grew up helping on my father’s farm (in Canada), started planting trees at 4 years old, started babysitting neighbors’ kids at 10. Rode my bike or walked to school alone, from age 5. That was not unusual at all at the time. There was safety in numbers - if all the kids in your town roam free, it is part of the landscape, and everyone looks after everyone. The fact that we have lost this in England is deeply disturbing, and a sign that society is not ‘working’ as it should. Most kids have no freedom - they never go to the park, shops, pool, etc. without a parent.

Lots of people who grew up in the 90s and earlier had this kind of childhood. The fact is, it's just not like that nowadays and it's NOT just a British thing. I don't know why you seem to think this? I live in the US and no kids go to the park alone or "roam free". In fact, people have been reported to CPS for allowing their child to play alone in their fenced backyard or to go to the park unaccompanied. That doesn't really have anything to do with not allowing a 3 year old to go to a public toilet alone though? Most people agree that it is a sensible precaution and is more to do with hygiene and safety than fears about kidnapping or molestation (which is still a possibility, however remote)

I’m Japanese and my children are very independant, I do agree the British parenting is very OTT. However, I still would not send a 3 year old into public toilets by herself.
She goes in the cubicle by herself and I wait by the sinks but I know exactly where she is and can see if anyone was to do anything to her.

3 is far too young to manage in a public loo alone and its just not right.
He should take her with him or use a disable loo if needed.