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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD (3) alone in public toilets?

134 replies

Lazinganddazing · 03/04/2018 15:32

DP has just informed me that when he takes DD (3.5) out, he lets her go to the toilet by herself.
She’s told me this before but I assumed she meant the disabled toilet but I’ve now found out it’s the large female toilets at places like restaurants, shopping centres, farm etc. (They have a day out just them once a week)
I’m not sure why this makes me uncomfortable, she’s a confident girl and is fine going by herself but I don’t think she’d lock the cubicle door and I know it’s woman’s toilets but being female doesn’t automatically mean you’re a good person and despite him being outside the main door it’s a long way away if she needed help.
So AIBU to be annoyed by this? I’ve told him he needs to take her to disabled/men’s in future and he thinks I’m massively overreacting and that most men would do this.

OP posts:
DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 03/04/2018 16:13

Oh, and all my kids are boys so they come into the ladies with me until about 7.

Blatherskite · 03/04/2018 16:13

No way! Admittedly my DD has always been little for her age but even at 4 or 5 she couldn't have gotten herself up on the loo without touching it, couldn't have locked the door herself (or gotten it unlocked if she did manage), couldn't have flushed and couldn't have gotten soap let alone turn the tap on! There is no way DH or I would have let her go alone!

If we were out together, I always took her as men's loos are generally grim or if out alone, DH would take her to a cubicle in the Men's or to the baby changing or disabled loo.

She's 8 now and we've only just started using 2 cubicles if we go together. DS has been going into the men's alone since 8 (as that's when places like the swimming pool say they cannot enter the ladies) He's 11 now and I still hate every second that he's in there.

catinapoolofsunshine · 03/04/2018 16:16

3 really is too young - I'd be concerned she'd lock herself into a cubicle and panic, more than any of the other scenarios, although not being able to flush or turn taps on too (less extreme but more likely).

I think my kids would have been OK from 5 with parent right outside the entrance/ exit as long as it wasn't a motorway service station. I'm pretty sure they went to the loos alone from 5 in smaller places with one exit and only 2 or 3 cubicles. Very few places aside from motorway services have toilets with 2 exits not right next to one another. No need to wait quite as long as some posters are saying!

Sarahh2014 · 03/04/2018 16:19

My ds is 4 and I always have him with me or dh no way is that old enough sorry

TulipFromAmsterdam · 03/04/2018 16:24

Far too young to be going into public toilets on her own

NerrSnerr · 03/04/2018 16:26

My 3 year old would get disoriented and not know how to get out with all the doors. She struggles when I’m there!

AnnieAnoniMouser · 03/04/2018 16:28

Not a bloody chance and I’m in no way over protective.

She goes in the men’s with him (the occasional willy at a urinal won’t hurt her) or they both go in a family/accessible toilet.

Jesus wept, I can’t believe he’s been letting her do this.

BastardGingerCat · 03/04/2018 16:32

Forgetting the hopefully very small chances of something horrid happening, the logistics of a 3 year old using an adult toilet by themselves don't add up. Most 3 yos are too small to get up on to an adult size toilet and would particularly struggle if wearing trousers too. Plus there's the reach for the toilet roll which can be far and trying to wipe themselves and then not being tall enough to get to the sinks / soap.

StrawberryDaiquiriPlease · 03/04/2018 16:33

Nope, seen too many scary stories in the newspapers about public toilets. I'm a single mum, my son is 10 and I give him lots of independence but unless I feel I can stand right at the door I'm still unwilling to let him go far away into a public toilet and would rather bring him into the ladies although I know that's not ideal.

Mia1415 · 03/04/2018 16:36

I consider myself a relatively laid back parent, however this is way too young in my opinion! 3.5 is absolutely tiny.

GaryWilmotsTeeth · 03/04/2018 16:37

DD is 3.7 and there is no way she would manage on her own, for all the reasons PP's have said. I know she can manage fine at nursery where everything is clean and at child height but in an unfamiliar adult sized toilet, she would struggle. She's quite a timid little thing and I'd hate the thought of her feeling all nervous on her own. Plus she's terrified of hand driers so that would be a total no no.

91bees · 03/04/2018 16:40

FYI to the person who mentioned not using the disabled toilets if not disabled, a lot of places put the baby change in the disabled toilet, so sometimes we have no choice but to use that when we're out with the baby.

I wouldn't use it for a child out of nappies though.

VickieCherry · 03/04/2018 16:40

I recently helped a (probably about) three year old in the Ladies - her dad was standing outside calling her, but she was struggling with her door and couldn't reach to wash her hands. I said he should come in and help her, he's her dad - but he refused, saying people wouldn't like it 'these days'.

I don't know why he didn't take her in the Gents - it actually didn't even occur to me, maybe they were minging? - but it seemed wrong to leave her on her own when she was so little.

LineysInTheSand · 03/04/2018 16:41

He's an idiot.

My daughter was 12 when she went into a Wetherspoons ladies' loo on her own and found a woman sparked out unconscious on the floor. She was pretty shaken up.

VimFuego101 · 03/04/2018 16:43

DS is 6 and still comes to the ladies with me if it's an unknown place where I don't know if he'll be able to work the locks on the doors or where there's multiple exits he could come out of. I can't imagine him doing it on his own at 3.

VladmirsPoutine · 03/04/2018 16:47

Apart from the safety aspect of it she must be touching all sorts of filth. She's far too young to go solo.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 03/04/2018 16:47

I wouldn't leave a 3.5 year old unsupervised in any public space, let alone in the toilets on her own.

RoadToRivendell · 03/04/2018 16:50

Too young.

negomi90 · 03/04/2018 16:50

My parents divorced when I was little. My dad would take me with him. I think when I was about 6 or so, he'd stand outside the door, but would call in to check on me if he thought I was taking abit long.
I have lots of amusing memories of being carried through the mens and told not to look.
He'd also take me with him if he needed it.

amusedbush · 03/04/2018 16:53

Being 3 isn’t a disability therefore please don’t use the disabled toilet.

It's not a disabled toilet, it's (usually) an accessible toilet for those that need it.

e1y1 · 03/04/2018 16:56

For the love of God, NOOOO!

Even mine at 7 doesn’t go alone and husband would be beyond dead if he allowed it.

Ansumpasty · 03/04/2018 16:56

No! I wouldn’t trust my 3yo not to touch all the toilet sit, eat a sweet she found next to the toilet, etc. Gross! Hell, I don’t even trust my 6yo.

ohtheholidays · 03/04/2018 17:04

3 is far to young,what is he thinking!?

Like you stated there are bad women in the world,your less likely to be hurt by a female statistically but it's not unheard of.

I always feel really sad when I see little tiny children in a public toilet on they're own,9 times out of 10 they can't reach the taps or the soap dispenser and they usually need help with the hand dryers and so far every single time despite the toilets being busy I'm the only adult that's offered to help any of them.

I've had to help children I haven't known before with the toilet doors as well,they couldn't work the locks so I'd stand with my foot under the door to keep it shut for them,because I obviously couldn't go into the cubicle with them,your DH needs to think about that.

stitchglitched · 03/04/2018 17:04

A 3 year old out of nappies who can go into the ladies when out with her Mum doesn't suddenly need an 'accessible' toilet when she is out with Dad. There are some people for whom that toilet is their only option.

Snowjoker · 03/04/2018 17:14

Being out of nappies doesn't mean you know to close the door (but not get yourself locked in), to not use a filthy toilet, to flush, to not ask randoms to wipe your bum for you, to wash hands but not the tap that says Warning! Very hot water etc etc.
Whatever room has the baby changing would be my choice for your dh.

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