To not want to be saddled with SIL debts

[Tinkobell]

My SIL is 46. She is DH only sibling. SIL Is single, possibly gay, has high functioning ASD, private school and university educated, no assets, a history of failed careers and had returned home in middle age giving her parents a list of unpaid debts and bailiff letters to sort out. SIL is back in her old bedroom and trying to get any kind of locally paid work. DH and I feel she's a ticking time bomb. In laws are getting older, running out of money and energy to deal with her. Does anyone have any advice on dealing with family members like this? We've suggested citizens advice etc. We've our own kids and life worries to get through.

@zzzzz - yes they could stop giving cash & booze. She needs a kick up the backside actually as doesn't see the yawning gap that others do. It's one for DH that, not me.

I very much doubt she’d get PIP to be honest.

I’d be advising the in laws to have no booze at all in the house.

PIP probably not but it's free to try. If she's not working I'd also apply for ESA for her. They may well refuse, but she can appeal and will get £73 a week for the several months the appeal is pending, without having to show she's work seeking. Doesn't mean she can't also look for work in the meantime, but less jobcentre hassle.

If PILs are in their mid to late 70s then I repeat my earlier point about getting advice on the care costs issue. Useful outline below.

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/social-care-and-support-where-to-start/paying-for-care-support/deprivation-of-assets/

There's no way that she'll get PIP without a diagnosis of autism.

Hi tinkobell, I haven't joined any support groups as I feel that I shouldn't until I get a diagnosis. I strongly feel that I'm not neurotypical however and am really looking forwards to being assessed so I know either way. It seems odd to me that your sil is so resistant to getting assessed.

Wow zzzzz, it took three years to get an assessment for your son? That's awful, I know the nhs is really short of cash but that's far too long.

Agree @zzzzz that is appallingly slow. Earlier this year school suggested my DS was assessed, we went privately and they suggested a pre-screen around £500 - it was 360o feedback based from school, us, him and a psychologist. He was a no ASD. But I know if we'd been recommended as a full screen it was £2k - sadly cash that SIL doesnt have on top of debts. Also if benefits people wouldn't recognise a private assessment, she'd be better going NHS surely.

Might be worth discussing power of attorney for the in=laws so that should they become incapacitated she is not involved in financial decision making for them.