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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel left out

251 replies

feelleftout · 03/04/2018 08:30

NC as potentially outing.

I helped to organise a weekend away for 10 friends - Friday to Sunday - with the understanding we would travel by car with 4 people driving.

Discussing getting there I confirmed check in was from 5pm. Disgruntled looks all around and I find out everyone else has planned on leaving in the morning "to get the most out of the weekend". Fair enough but I cannot leave before 4pm.

I call the booking and make arrangements for an earlier check in. So everyone now happy and start organising lifts. I repeat I cannot leave until 4 so I get "book the day off!" - I can't I work in a school and it's term time. Then "can't you chuck a sickie?" - I wouldn't, I support vulnerable children who can't cope with change. I say I'll look into getting the train then.

Train would cost £40 and I wouldn't get there until noon on Saturday. So I've told the group I can't come.

Am I being unreasonable thinking that one driver out of the 4 could wait for me to join the weekend? I'd do it if roles were reversed. I couldn't see one person missing out.

OP posts:
FeistyColl · 03/04/2018 11:45

Needy and childish?? Ffs . Ignore statements like this OP.
A weekend away to me would mean after work Friday to Sunday . Booking time off work would be the exception not the norm.
As it's a barn rental, I would expect the arrival time to be mid afternoon at the absolute earliest. Getting there for 7 pm would still be Friday night.

Well done for finding a solution but I'm really sorry thiat it cuts your weekend short and makes the expenditure less value for money.

TomRavenscroft · 03/04/2018 11:47

Glad you've found a solution, OP. I am a bit surprised, TBH, that exact leaving/arrival times weren't nailed down initially, but there it is and lesson learned for next time.

Leave off her, those saying 'just find the £40'! It is not always possible for people to do that –is that very hard to understand?

crunchymint · 03/04/2018 11:48

OP wants picked up at 4pm though. If I had not booked annual leave, the earliest I can leave work is 5pm, and by the time I travel to pick OP up it would be 5.30pm or even 6pm. A 4pm pick up is impossible for most people not booking leave off. And I would be taking the family car.

crunchymint · 03/04/2018 11:49

Which is why I wondered if her friends were also taking the family car. Because I would not be happy to leave later than I wanted to, so OP could leave the family car at home, while I took mine.

crunchymint · 03/04/2018 11:51

And this is why many places say nothing to families with badly behaved kids, when they will say something to badly behaved adults.

tinkanman · 03/04/2018 12:05

YABU to expect everyone to wait around for you when you are the only one who can't fit the times (fair enough, I understand your reason) but I still don't think you can expect everyone to wait on you.

ShatnersWig · 03/04/2018 12:05

They ALL had the day off already, I doubt 9 people all spontaneously decided that without mentioning it to anyone

Thing is, if I was going on a weekend away and check in was from 5 pm, and it was a 2.5-hour journey, I'd immediately think about taking the day off and either driving down to get there for just after 5 pm so that I had the whole evening there or I'd be leaving earlier and doing something on the way and still trying to get there between 5 pm and 6 pm to get there. So I don't think it necessarily means there was a big conspiracy, I just think most people would automatically do that.

But then I'm the sort of person who wouldn't go further than a two-hour drive just for two nights away.

threatlevelmidnight · 03/04/2018 12:19

Glad you've found a way round it OP, but I agree with you, if I were one of your friends, I would have waited - especially as you bloody organised it.

Mynewnameforabit · 03/04/2018 12:21

Then OP was always planning to arrive way after check in time.
I guess so, but not sure what your point is? Its the earliest time you can arrive, its not like checking in for a flight Hmm.

crunchymint · 03/04/2018 12:26

If someone had organised something and said check in time is 5pm, then it is strange to be surprised that most will have organised to get there by then.

FeistyColl · 03/04/2018 12:49

The time at which a rental property becomes available is completely different to a 'check in time'.

I have been on many group weekends and holidays in rented properties where people arrive at different times from available time onwards .

elisenbrunnen · 03/04/2018 13:17

Flipping heck this thread is annoying.

NO the op can't just 'magic' up £40, even with both working.
NO the op can't 'get a train' - whole swathes of the UK aren't covered by trains!
NO the op can't just take time off if she works in a school - it just doesn't work like that. Your holidays are to be taken in the school holidays, not dispersed throughout the year as other jobs are.
Check-In was supposed to be 5pm - people wanted an early CheckIn and wanted it changed. Which OP did! Presumably expecting ONE driver to be going later with her!
If she says she can't have the car, she can't take the car! Why should her kids go without - last minute- becasue she has flaky friends who won't put themselves out for her (after she's done so much for them)?

Needy and childish? Really?

ShatnersWig · 03/04/2018 13:38

Presumably expecting ONE driver to be going later with her!

Presumption and assumption are never wise. I'd have ASKED rather than expected.

Mynewnameforabit · 03/04/2018 13:44

Presumption and assumption are never wise. I'd have ASKED rather than expected.
So when they planned it all, with check in FROM 5pm, ages ago, including lifts, she should have guessed that they actually would all want to go Friday morning for the weekend, and that therefore the lift agreed was never real?!
Even though, it looks like none of them had even had the idea of going earlier (because if they had, they'd have been asking about moving the check in time earlier during that first discussion).

ShatnersWig · 03/04/2018 13:49

Mynew No. But if I was planning a weekend away with a group of friends and car sharing was all agreed upon at the time, and I wasn't one of the drivers, I'd have sorted out who was going with whom at the same time as booking the property.

Twogoround · 03/04/2018 14:07

I really sorry as organiser you should have work how you were going to get there on your own as some one who had to go after work . Surely public transport should have check before booking . I would have booked the famliy car at the very least.

You have not been left out . You thoughþ your freinds would do what you needed and of course they did not. As organiser you should be able get your self there why book it otherwise.

OhHelp0hNo · 03/04/2018 14:27

You say you haven't got an extra £40 for the train but who are you expecting is going to pay for all the fuel for the cars?
4 cars travelling a total of 5 hours each is going to cost a lot more than £10 per person which is what you say you were going to chip in... I hope you're going to contribute towards the fuel used for getting you home? When you plan a trip you need to think about all aspects, including the cost of travel. Hmm

elisenbrunnen · 03/04/2018 15:07

Shatners - quite honestly, if I was organising it, and assumed that I would be getting a lift at 3.30 for a check in at 5pm, I would ensure that I had a lift in the event that I then had to change the check in time. If I didn't have the offer of a lift, I wouldn't have changed the time. Presumably OP thought her friends would do the decent thing and give her a lift as was arranged ?

OhHelp - my car, travelling to see my mum (2.5 hours away) takes £16 in petrol, return.

With 2 in the car (or 3) £10 each would cover it with plenty over.

frogsoup · 03/04/2018 15:10

Blimey that is one efficient car elisen! Ours does 4.5 hours drive to a tank of petrol, give or take, and a tank costs £65.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 03/04/2018 15:16

my car, travelling to see my mum (2.5 hours away) takes £16 in petrol, return.

Wow. Cheap petrol is 117p/liter, so £16 is 13.7l. Five hours' driving, so 2.75l per hour (0.6gallons). Assume you're driving at 30mph, that's 50mpg. If it's a motorway journey at an average of 60mph, that's 100mpg. What car's that? A hybrid of some sort, presumably?

AlphaApple · 03/04/2018 15:23

Your friends are mean OP. Really, properly mean. I would feel hurt.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/04/2018 15:25

Going to see my mom (2.5-3 hours away) takes virtually a whole (£55) tank of petrol elise so I'm not quite sure how you're managing £16!

OP hope you can enjoy your weekend eventually. At least you'll have saved your contribution to the petrol

OneStepSideways · 03/04/2018 15:32

I think you're being a bit U to expect others to wait until 4pm when they want to set off early and make the most of the mini break. Unfair also to expect one driver and 3 of the passengers to lose a day of holiday because you can't/won't change your shift. Annual leave is precious! The majority clearly want to start early so I'd go with the flow.

I always like to arrive early on group holidays, get settled in, unpack then go out to explore. Latecomers usually get left with the least desirable room. It's never quite the same arriving late as you miss the start and the first excitement!

In your situation I'd either rearrange work or pay a bit extra and take the train. Or ask DH to use public transport for a weekend so I could take the car.

Ubercornsdiscoball · 03/04/2018 15:42

It’s a learning curve. If you are in charge of arrangements then maybe pick something that means you can get to, don’t rely on others for lifts and don’t re-negotiate check-in if you can’t get there!

Motoko · 03/04/2018 16:35

because you can't/won't change your shift

"Can't" not "won't". OP has explained she works as a teaching assistant in a school with children who have special needs.

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