To feel left out

[feelleftout]

NC as potentially outing.

I helped to organise a weekend away for 10 friends - Friday to Sunday - with the understanding we would travel by car with 4 people driving.

Discussing getting there I confirmed check in was from 5pm. Disgruntled looks all around and I find out everyone else has planned on leaving in the morning "to get the most out of the weekend". Fair enough but I cannot leave before 4pm.

I call the booking and make arrangements for an earlier check in. So everyone now happy and start organising lifts. I repeat I cannot leave until 4 so I get "book the day off!" - I can't I work in a school and it's term time. Then "can't you chuck a sickie?" - I wouldn't, I support vulnerable children who can't cope with change. I say I'll look into getting the train then.

Train would cost £40 and I wouldn't get there until noon on Saturday. So I've told the group I can't come.

Am I being unreasonable thinking that one driver out of the 4 could wait for me to join the weekend? I'd do it if roles were reversed. I couldn't see one person missing out.

I'm still trying to work out why you changed the booking to an earlier check in if you personally couldn't get there.

Maybe I'm just petty.

@crimsonlake I'm not about to lay down my exact financial situation but please take my word for it that I/we cannot just produce an extra £40. Yes we both work but that doesn't mean we are well off. It's not a case if "going without something else" which is why I was looking forward to the weekend.

How far is it to drive to this place from your work?

Wouldn't it be funny if they couldn't check in without the person who made the booking being there. With ID. It's quite common these days I believe.

I don't see why you expect a friend to give up almost a days holiday but your family can't lose out on activities by not having the car for a weekend. That's what I would think if I was asked to wait around for a day to drive a friend.

I think they are mean. It would ruin the holiday for me knowing they were so thoughtless.

Is it only an hours drive there OP?

This is a bit of a long shot, but since you'd originally planned 4 cars, and 9 people are going early, which would only need 3 cars, could one of them lend you their car to drive there later? Presumably you've got 3rd party insurance for other people's cars? It would at least get you there on Friday evening rather than Saturday morning.

If you're strapped for cash such a shame you've wasted Friday nights money on accommodation you can't use

I think you should either have to inconvenience yourself (with paying for a hire car) OR inconvenience your DP (with him dropping you off) rather than inconvenience the other driver and passengers who would have to delay their weekend for you

Ooh mintychoc great idea

Although presumably she's just bought a 10 quid mega bus ticket

Why would you even bother going for just the one night now?

I think it's a bit thoughtless of your friends
It Seems a lot of faff for one night away now.
I think my DH would drive me up on the Friday pm

I ask if it is only an hours drive away, which it seems to be, because in this situation my DP would just drop me off.
I think your friends are understandably reluctant to alter their plans so that you can leave the family car at home, when some of them may be taking the family car themselves. And your DP won't drop you off. I can understand their reluctance.
Also in weekends away we regularly go early even if check in time is late. Most people can not leave work at 4pm on a Friday and not take annual leave. So it makes sense to take annual leave for longer.

crunchymint OP said it's 2 1/2 hours away.

Then OP was always planning to arrive way after check in time.

Have you said something along the lines of

"Look guys, this feels a little unfair. I have organised this based on our car sharing, with you all knowing that I am constrained by work. And now you want to leave me behind?!"

Blimey at some of the responses. Anyone who has friends who teach/work in schools know most can't just get time off - I wouldn't even want to go now .

"Look guys, this feels a little unfair. I have organised this based on our car sharing, with you all knowing that I am constrained by work. And now you want to leave me behind?!"

Just say this! And see what offers are made. Then you will have your answer.

You're being needy and childish

There is no way my group of friends would leave anyone behind like this. They are being very unpleasant.

And are your friends OP also taking the family car to travel?

"I call the booking and make arrangements for an earlier check in. "

I wouldn't have done that. They all took the day off, which means they ALREADY planned to go early - how did they think you'd be getting there with the car sharing? Why did no-one contact you earlier to let you know about this "day off" plan? They ALL had the day off already, I doubt 9 people all spontaneously decided that without mentioning it to anyone.

You're being needy and childish
Maybe if she was just tagging along - but OP has organised the whole weekend for everyone to find out that they will not help her get there. Seems like she's helped all of them, but no one will help her.

OP is not being left behind. She has a family car which she says she can't use because her DC;s would miss out. She can't afford £40. I think it's quite cheeky under those circumstances to expect a friend to make a sacrifice of a days holiday when her family won't make one and she can't cough up £40. Anyway she's getting the bus for £10 which is sensible.