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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel left out

251 replies

feelleftout · 03/04/2018 08:30

NC as potentially outing.

I helped to organise a weekend away for 10 friends - Friday to Sunday - with the understanding we would travel by car with 4 people driving.

Discussing getting there I confirmed check in was from 5pm. Disgruntled looks all around and I find out everyone else has planned on leaving in the morning "to get the most out of the weekend". Fair enough but I cannot leave before 4pm.

I call the booking and make arrangements for an earlier check in. So everyone now happy and start organising lifts. I repeat I cannot leave until 4 so I get "book the day off!" - I can't I work in a school and it's term time. Then "can't you chuck a sickie?" - I wouldn't, I support vulnerable children who can't cope with change. I say I'll look into getting the train then.

Train would cost £40 and I wouldn't get there until noon on Saturday. So I've told the group I can't come.

Am I being unreasonable thinking that one driver out of the 4 could wait for me to join the weekend? I'd do it if roles were reversed. I couldn't see one person missing out.

OP posts:
Motoko · 03/04/2018 10:20

Enid OP said the nearest train station to the place is an hour and a half away.

JustVent · 03/04/2018 10:24

OP people on here just want a row. Holier than though idiots who would walk across coal to do everything just so and perfectly and never rock any boat, martyrs if you like.

You have don’t nothing wrong. People on here are demanding questions that you have answered more than once.

I too wouldn’t take the family car, the kids have clubs to go to, there’s food shopping that needs to be done for the week etc etc it would be way too disruptive.
I think your friends are being selfish not offering. You aren’t asking them all to not go early, one offer would have been nice. I wouldn’t view them in the same light after that, I must admit.

Nonetheless, I’m glad to see you found an alternative!

Have fun.

CannaeBeErsed · 03/04/2018 10:25

This sounds so much like our families. Like a teacher, DH has set time off work. MIL was booking the annual family holiday which is a caravan park in the same town as DH's work. She asked for his days off so he told her he had a whole month off during the school holidays from X date to X date.
She doesn't work. SIL and BIL don't work. I don't work. They could all go any time. MIL booked it for the week AFTER DH was back working and told him, despite him being the only worker amongst the 6 adults going, he should go to work from the caravan or use up his only rest days he has a year. We couldn't refuse to go as it would really upset our 3 kids.

This year my dad was paying a third for us to go on our first holiday abroad. Again DH was asked for his set holiday dates. We transferred the money and Stepmum went and booked it for the week after DH goes back to work. No real reason. Wasn't much cheaper and DF and DSM could have taken their annual leave whenever. I definitely feel ya OP. It's shit when plans suit everyone else's wants and not your needs.

Thequeenisdeadboys · 03/04/2018 10:26

Where are you going and from where ? Is it poss you could get a taxi or lift to another train station where you can connect ? Would school be flexible if you asked to finish an hour or so earlier ?

Mynewnameforabit · 03/04/2018 10:27

The OP has found a megabus option, so it looks like the problem is solved, but to try to limit the repetition:

There is really no train that goes within an hour of the place she wants to go to (such places do exist!)
She doesn't want to leave earlier and let down small children who would be unsettled, and she probably wouldn't be allowed to for the same reason
Her DH is using the car to take the DC to lots of activities, it would be pretty mean to take the car and change all their place s, while the car spends most of the weekend parked.
She cannot afford various taxi/car hire options, money is quite tight.

I hope you get there, and that you have a great trip OP Flowers

ShatnersWig · 03/04/2018 10:27

Thequeen If you'd read the full thread, you'd discover it's been solved

Enidblyton1 · 03/04/2018 10:29

Sorry missed the hour and a half station comment - well that's not possible then Sad
The only other solutions I can think of ....

  • can your DH use alternative transport methods in order to let you have the car after all?
  • can you borrow a car from a friend and add yourself to the insurance for a couple of days?
  • hire a car
  • have another word with the group more forcefully (or at least the person who said they'd give you a lift)

If the first two options are really not viable, and assuming the fourth option doesn't work (because you've already tried it to some extent), I think your only option is to hire a car or miss out on the weekend. (sorry - not helpful!! But how much would car hire be compared with overal cost of the weekend? Can you go without something else in order to afford this?)

DentalDilemma · 03/04/2018 10:30

Seconding HelpTheTigers suggestion, using a lifte share website might be a good option, especially since it's a Friday afternoon / evening so lots of people driving somewhere. Usually very cheap, too.

Thequeenisdeadboys · 03/04/2018 10:30

Ah Thanks shatners that'll teach me ! Grin Glad it's solved.

mrsBeverleyGoldberg · 03/04/2018 10:31

Why would you want to spend the weekend with such thoughtless people? They don't seem to be nice at all to go without you, even when you explained that you needed a ride there.

Sparkletastic · 03/04/2018 10:33

Great news OP! And for what it's worth I would never organise a weekend for those 'friends' again.

bigchris · 03/04/2018 10:37

Enidblyton have found a megabus that will take me within 20 minutes of destination by 10am

crunchymint · 03/04/2018 10:38

I would wonder what the big deal is about reorganising things so you can take the family car for one weekend. The truth is your friends have probably done this, so are wondering why you won't.

BastardGoDarkly · 03/04/2018 10:38

Just cancel the cheque op Wink

Have a great weekend! Wine

WhatCanIDoNowPlease · 03/04/2018 10:42

It's not a satisfactory solution is it though? She will miss out on lots, almost a whole day.

RavenclawRealist · 03/04/2018 10:43

I know you have already found an option but have you checked with the place? Last time I booked somewhere like this the lead booker who in guessing is you had to be there for check in?

Jaxhog · 03/04/2018 10:44

It does seem a bit mean that none of your friends would mind going a bit later if it meant you could go on friday too. Especially after you did all the work in organising the holiday. So you get to do all the work, they get a nice time on holiday on friday, and you get to arrive a day later. Doesn't seem very fair to me.

crunchymint · 03/04/2018 10:45

Except OP is choosing not to take the family car. I would go later and give her a lift if she had no car.

Lacucuracha · 03/04/2018 10:47

I wouldn't be doing these 'friends' a favour any time soon.

BastardGoDarkly · 03/04/2018 10:49

True Raven have to say I'll have a small smirk if they all have to wait in the car park for op Grin

MyNameIsJane · 03/04/2018 10:56

True Raven have to say I'll have a small smirk if they all have to wait in the car park for op - me too!

Intheblackhole · 03/04/2018 10:57

feel - glad to see you have option of megabus. Sorry took so long to post I missed that!
I think I would feel upset and left out, and would say that while the time changing is understandable it unfortunately has left you high and dry as you had understood you would have a lift after work. And that yiu feel a bit hurt after organising it, but that you still hope you can all enjoy the weekend away.
Have yiu got a lift back?

crimsonlake · 03/04/2018 11:01

Surely you can find the £40.00 from somewhere rather than miss out on part of the weekend away? I am assuming you both work so can you not make a few cutbacks later down the line in the month.

fuzzyduck1 · 03/04/2018 11:02

If the original checking was for 5pm and you leave work at 4pm sounds like your only an hour away ?

Just a bit confused

kateandme · 03/04/2018 11:03

I don't no how id feel joining a group of people that had done this to me.id still be hurt.

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