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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a bit upset at this comment

149 replies

bristollady · 02/04/2018 20:41

Ok, so I’m not one who usually takes offence at things - I’m a live and let live sort of person. However, this comment has upset me a bit.

My little one has been ill for a few days with what we think is a stomach bug. Diahorrea, vomiting, etc. Poor thing has not been herself, but she’s on the mend now. It’s a bit unfortunate as she’s not long got over a bout of hand, foot and mouth, but she seems ok now.

We had to cancel Easter plans with the family, which was a shame and I think they were disappointed, but I thought they understood why we wouldn’t want to travel. Anyway, we called my MIL today (whom I love, by the way. We get on really well) just to update her that the little one is improving. One of the things she said during the conversation was that children born by caesarean have lower immunity than kids born vaginally because of bacteria in the birth canal etc. And perhaps that’s why my little one had been ill a lot. All of hers were born vaginally, of course.

Now, I didn’t choose to have a c section - I laboured all night to try and have a natural birth but it just wasn’t possible and she was in danger so we had to do it. But even if I had, why do I feel like information like that is designed to make mums feel bad? What do you want me to do, go back in time and give birth naturally?! What can I do with this information?!

And anyway, I did some reading and it’s not strictly true. The study this is based on only tested 10 babies and didn’t take into account the mothers’ health or use of antibiotics. NHS sources say it’s not entirely reliable. I actually sent her this article to prove it: www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/caesareans-and-baby-immunity/

I’m probably going to let it go now as I don’t like arguments and I don’t think it will get us anywhere to discuss it further. Just wanted to rant a little and see if others agree with me that this wasn’t a helpful thing to say!

Sorry for the essay! :-)

OP posts:
LEMtheoriginal · 02/04/2018 20:46

Omg she is full of shit!! Ignore - she must be really insecure to make herself feel better about herself by trying to upset you.

Some immunity will come trans-placentally whilst a good amount will come from colostrum.

Being exposed to pathogens in the birth canal is not a good thing Hmm

IMBU · 02/04/2018 20:48

Your MIL's comment was horrible and insensitive. I would have been upset as well. My first baby was born via EMCS. If he had been born vaginally he simply wouldn't have survived.

DairyisClosed · 02/04/2018 20:48

I doubt she meant anything by it. You are being over sensitive

Aprilmightmemynewname · 02/04/2018 20:49

She just wanted to be Dr for a moment!!

Storminateapot · 02/04/2018 20:49

Not a helpful thing to say as it's not like you chose it or can change it. However, it is something I had heard too so I guess she might just have said it without thinking through the implications if you otherwise get on well. Unless there's a drip feed coming I think she just said something thoughtless rather than deliberately unkind. Who amongst us can say we've never accidentally put our foot in it...?

Ginger1982 · 02/04/2018 20:50

Rubbish!

Waitingonasmiley42 · 02/04/2018 20:50

Not unfair to be a bit upset but you need to try and let these things go. People say rude things all the time intentionally or unintentionally. If it's not type of birth then it's breast feeding vs. formula, or sleep training!

I've had 2 c sections so know how annoying people making derogatory comments can be!

bertielab · 02/04/2018 20:50

It's total rubbish.

I'd challenge it too.

SinceWhenDid · 02/04/2018 20:50

Over sensitive I think. It sounds like she was just chatting about interesting information.

mimibunz · 02/04/2018 20:51

My standard reply to rude comments is always, ‘What an unhelpful thing to say.’ Then silence.

Homemenu1 · 02/04/2018 20:52

But did she mean it to be nasty or was she just trying to give a reason a to why your little had been ill a few times, maybe she was trying to be supportive and explain there was noting you can do sort of way, rather than in an unkind way

Lacucuracha · 02/04/2018 20:52

YABU. If you love her and get on well usually then you've been too quick to take offence.

She may just be worried about your dd and has done a little reading. It was a bit thoughtless maybe but not malicious.

Hope your dd is on the mend Flowers

Blankuser1992 · 02/04/2018 20:53

DairyisClosed : of course she meant it as an insult ... Jesus

sirlee66 · 02/04/2018 20:53

And breast milk will make you invisible and drinking too much cola will give you cancer.

OP, you're doing a great job. Children get ill. It happens wether they are born via C-sec or vaginally. It's just what they do.

Again, You are doing a great job!

sycamore54321 · 02/04/2018 20:53

It's almost entirely nonsense. There is also the small fact that if a baby who needs a section, doesn't get a section, that baby might well die before birth. Does she think a dead baby would be preferable? In short, she sounds either thoughtlessly ill-informed or a complete bitch. Millions of variables affect our immune system and our health. I can guarantee you that decisions you made on medical advice about your pregnancy have nothing to do with a runny bug months or years later.

You are not unreasonable to be upset. She has said something hurtful and false. It's up to you to decide if you want to challenge her or not, but be assured you did NOTHING to impact negatively on your child.

TwitterQueen1 · 02/04/2018 20:53

You're being way over-sensitive, she probably meant it kindly as reassurance rather than criticism.

Blankuser1992 · 02/04/2018 20:54

YANBU : she was annoyed that you didn’t go for easter, she decided to make a sutle little dog and knew it’s hurtful impact.

Distance yourself because in a few years you’ll be asking yourself why bother with a woman who decides to bring up how you decided to deliver your baby when your little one is ill.

scatterolight · 02/04/2018 20:55

You know your MIL best, but I'd imagine her comment was an attempt to absolve you of responsibility for your children's illnesses rather than blame you.

After all other explanations would be poor parenting - not dressing kids warmly enough, poor hygiene around the house, not feeding them a balanced diet, or a disregard for mixing with others who are ill. All things which parents beat themselves up about. She was probably trying to be nice and say it's not your fault.

sirlee66 · 02/04/2018 20:55

I ment invincible!! But it would be cool if breastmilk did actually make you invisible!!

NewYearNewMe18 · 02/04/2018 20:56

It is one of those daft things I've heard anecdotally. But then my MIL used to come out with such gems as 'caesarean children are weaker as they haven't had to fight for their place in this world' ..... she meant nothing personal by it, just regurgitating what her midwife or mother once said.

I really wouldn't pay any heed. But I would correct her because I'm always right and have to have the last word

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 02/04/2018 20:56

She sounds like my MIL! Ignore her

Tbf, i thought it was true- the Mother’s vaginal fluid sets the babies good gut bacteria - it’s in the Micheal mosley guts diet book anyway.

But who cares? You had to have a section, they don’t give them lightly. I had an emcs and my baby missed out on my vagina but at least she’s alive!

Original poster
bristollady · 02/04/2018 20:57

Thanks everyone. Like I said, I’m not going to say anything else as I love her loads and we get on really well usually. I think perhaps she was just a bit thoughtless and didn’t think through how I might feel about being told that, especially after spending the last few days trapped in the house covered in poo and vomit! Maybe I am a little over sensitive due to having a bit of cabin fever and not seeing the outside world for a few days! Lol!

OP posts:
Sprinklesinmyelbow · 02/04/2018 20:59

About a year after our DC was born my DH (who is wonderful) said something like “when you gave birth.... oh wait you didn’t give birth did you? Do people who have a c section give birth?” I stood their gobsmacked then burst out crying. He just didn’t think

LimonViola · 02/04/2018 20:59

Honestly, you're being really over sensitive. She was just passing on info she found interesting and relevant. If she has form for nasty comments then fair enough but you said you get on great so why not give her the benefit of the doubt?

This sounds more like your own insecurity/feeling like a let down because you had a c section, which is leading you to overreact. If you were fine with it and just saw it how it should be (how the baby gets out doesn't matter as long as you're both okay) it would have rolled off your back.

Peartree2018 · 02/04/2018 21:00

Oh for goodness sake. I actually think you're being ridiculous.

I imagine you had both been lamenting how unfortunate it was for poor DD to have experienced two consecutive illnesses and, in an attempt to sympathise with you your MIL thought she might casually throw into conversation a tidbit of information she had probably read or head at some point over the past few years which she thought might or might not offer some explanation. Whether or not what she said was 100% accurate is neither here nor there, I imagine it was just one of those things that popped into her head and she thought she would share it with you in case you found it interesting. I highly doubt she had any desire to offend you or suggest that you had somehow done DD a "disservice" by having a CS and TBH I think you are really stretching to have taken it that way. Honestly, I think you are looking for offence where none was intended.

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