Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

AIBU to be a bit upset at this comment

149 replies

bristollady · 02/04/2018 20:41

Ok, so I’m not one who usually takes offence at things - I’m a live and let live sort of person. However, this comment has upset me a bit.

My little one has been ill for a few days with what we think is a stomach bug. Diahorrea, vomiting, etc. Poor thing has not been herself, but she’s on the mend now. It’s a bit unfortunate as she’s not long got over a bout of hand, foot and mouth, but she seems ok now.

We had to cancel Easter plans with the family, which was a shame and I think they were disappointed, but I thought they understood why we wouldn’t want to travel. Anyway, we called my MIL today (whom I love, by the way. We get on really well) just to update her that the little one is improving. One of the things she said during the conversation was that children born by caesarean have lower immunity than kids born vaginally because of bacteria in the birth canal etc. And perhaps that’s why my little one had been ill a lot. All of hers were born vaginally, of course.

Now, I didn’t choose to have a c section - I laboured all night to try and have a natural birth but it just wasn’t possible and she was in danger so we had to do it. But even if I had, why do I feel like information like that is designed to make mums feel bad? What do you want me to do, go back in time and give birth naturally?! What can I do with this information?!

And anyway, I did some reading and it’s not strictly true. The study this is based on only tested 10 babies and didn’t take into account the mothers’ health or use of antibiotics. NHS sources say it’s not entirely reliable. I actually sent her this article to prove it: www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/caesareans-and-baby-immunity/

I’m probably going to let it go now as I don’t like arguments and I don’t think it will get us anywhere to discuss it further. Just wanted to rant a little and see if others agree with me that this wasn’t a helpful thing to say!

Sorry for the essay! :-)

OP posts:

winniestone37 · 03/04/2018 21:09

Yabu. Human veings say silly things, she does, you do, I do, we all do. She may have meant it one way, she may have meant it another. Who cares, the only thing giving this any meaning is your reaction to it. You have bigger fish to fry. We all do.

Meli1977 · 03/04/2018 21:29

Nope. My eldest was natural and was always ill as a small child. My youngest was C Section and is rarely ill. What a load of pish.

Allthewaves · 03/04/2018 21:33

Oops she's been reading daily mail and had to share

pollymere · 03/04/2018 21:33

My dh is great for stuff like that. I'd be asking which study she got that from as people blithely read stuff and then quote it as fact. We all do. My dh always questions me now so I do research if I want to make a blanket statement! She sounds like she's usually nice. I'm surprised my MIL hasn't said that to me yet tbh! Ask her where she got that from as you've never heard of it.

YourWanMajella · 03/04/2018 21:46

Oh stop it. There was no mean intent behind it, your "lovely" mil doesn't need aibu'ers calling her a crazy bitch, does she?

MirriVan · 03/04/2018 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dotty1969 · 03/04/2018 22:04

Not read the whole thread but just wanted to say...
What a load of bollocks!!
Both my children were born by C-section and both are really healthy!
They get the odd cold but doesn't everyone.

SingingOutOfTune · 03/04/2018 22:09

I really doubt she was trying to upset you. I have heard of few researches about bacteria effect on our gut health and one of the theories is that the bacteria in vaginal canal at birth time helps babies build a healthy microbia. It is all very logic. And I believe it. But it's not your fault you needed a CS. Same way antibiotics can also decimate our gut microbes or cause severe inbalances but if you need to take them what can you do? Don't take it personally. She might have been reading about it and just wanted to impart knowledge. Hope your baby get better soon. P.S I also had a C
section and don't feel not even a little guilty. My lovely boy wouldn't be here otherwise. Hope your daughter gets better soon.

amyisagonegirl · 03/04/2018 22:18

I read that before my twins were born...Unfortunately the group b strep bacterial infection my second born picked up from my birth canal nearly killed him. I'm lucky he here today. Studies aren't always worth very much.

Aria999 · 03/04/2018 22:36

It sounds like you feel upset and a bit defensive because you had a c-section. Please don’t, you clearly did exactly the right thing. There seems to be such a big focus on natural birth at the moment and I find it strange. I had a c-section too (emergency, to save my child’s life) and I’m relaxed about it so i think if someone said your MIL’s comment to me I wouldn’t really notice it was upsetting, I’d be like ‘oh, really, that’s interesting’.

Newnaime · 03/04/2018 22:41

If you were telling her about her your DD is never ill and has a really strong immune system and she told you it's because you had a c section, followed by a useless fact as to why she thinks that..would you be offended or just brush it off as nonsense? My guess is the latter, just because the comment wasn't FOR you doesn't means it was against you. I'd let it go

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 03/04/2018 22:47

Don’t give it a second thought, interpolation of this sort of data into individual cases is often quite misleading (Also I’m never keen to hear about my MIL’s vagina, even if it’s in a child-birth related comment. Just TMI )

Tringley · 03/04/2018 22:59

It's total rubbish.

It's not. It's a very sound medical theory that there is a growing body of evidence behind. I've only ever given birth by c-section but I find that valuable information to have rather than something designed to hurt me. (How could a (probable) fact of life be designed to make someone feel bad anyway? It just is how it is.)

Prussiablue · 03/04/2018 23:15

I agree with StaplesCorners comments of 23.27 last night

SherbrookeFosterer · 04/04/2018 00:14

Firstly her comment has no scientific supporting evidence.
Secondly it is unkind.

Please look forward to the moment when you can laugh it off, when for example she gets MRSA going in for a hip replacement.

People can be really unkind, especially family, and it is so important to feel strong and resilient when for some strange reason they want us to feel alone.

Don't let them beat you - stay strong OP!

StaplesCorner · 04/04/2018 00:49

Aw Prussia - preens - you noticed me!!

Jaynich · 04/04/2018 01:36

I can't believe the vicious comments on here by people who know nothing about the OP's MIL. Whatever happened about giving people the benefit of the doubt? If you don't know someone, then don't judge them, their actions or their motives. She may very well be a well-meaning and loving mother-in-law who was just trying to help with a kindly meant comment. Mother-in-laws are mothers too, and love their children and families, and have their best interests at heart. If the OP normally has a good relationship with her MIL - her MIL must have done a great job of bringing up her son, as the OP chose to marry him and has had a child with him!! - then we should all be encouraging her to maintain that relationship, not screw it up. The fact that some of you are trying to screw it up says far more about you than her MIL. Shame on you!!

Thehappygardener · 04/04/2018 01:36

As a health visitor, we were taught that it was better to give birth vaginally, for all sorts of reasons, but c sections are essential for many babies. Too often we were taught stuff that hadn’t been thoroughly researched and new research has been completed to change views.

I’m sure your MiL was trying to reassure you and didn’t mean anything. I’ve discovered that it’s extremely difficult being a MiL and virtually anything can be open to misinterpretation. If we give the young family space, we are told we don’t care and if we go to see them (always by invitation) we can be told we are crowding. Quite nerve wracking, actually - not sure why dear old Mother Nature seems to have set up so many barriers to inter-family relationships!

TheGruffalosArse · 04/04/2018 01:46

There's always some arsehole yapping on about natural births, virgin guts and the dangers of formula/c sections/vaccinations as though we all live in 500 BC and should give birth in a hedge to be close to nature or something

Do what you have to do, your child's healthy and thriving, it's good for them to pick up bugs every now and then, but she does sound thoughtless rather than one of the aforementioned smug arseholes.

NotForSale · 04/04/2018 04:42

You sound overly sensitive and sending her an article to back up your own opinion is aggressive and spoiling for a fight. Then you say you dont want confrontation?! Leave her alone.

ShamelesslyPlacemarking · 04/04/2018 05:16

But did she mean it to be nasty or was she just trying to give a reason a to why your little had been ill a few times, maybe she was trying to be supportive and explain there was noting you can do sort of way, rather than in an unkind way

Given your existing good relationship, this is exactly how I would interpret it. I don't think there's any reason to go directly to "would you rather I had a vaginal birth and a dead baby?!"

However ham-handedly she delivered the idea, I don't think she meant any harm. Also, I wouldn't jump down her throat for being ignorant like some posters are suggesting, as there is far from just one study suggesting a link between immunity and post-natal microbiota, but quite a few. The link you posted discusses just one of them but there have been a number of others.

Quite obviously you can't and wouldn't go back and change your mode of delivery, but that doesn't mean you have to try to disprove any information about caesarean deliveries that you find displeasing.

Bucky001 · 04/04/2018 06:43

@Jaynich

Yes! Well said!

Strugglingtodomybest · 04/04/2018 09:02

Dettol is mostly to blame by the way. Over cleaning fucks up immune systems.

^ This with bells on.

OP I'm glad you've realised that you were being a bit over sensitive. It's lovely to get on with your MIL and it would be a shame to spoil it over one misjudged comment.

Bains091115 · 04/04/2018 22:15

My first was born vaginally, my 2nd emergency section and 3rd elective c section as only 11 months after 2nd baby and there has been no difference in how often they get ill! My 2nd son also has a genetic condition which lowers his immune system! Just ignore her! All kids are different!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread