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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a bit upset at this comment

149 replies

bristollady · 02/04/2018 20:41

Ok, so I’m not one who usually takes offence at things - I’m a live and let live sort of person. However, this comment has upset me a bit.

My little one has been ill for a few days with what we think is a stomach bug. Diahorrea, vomiting, etc. Poor thing has not been herself, but she’s on the mend now. It’s a bit unfortunate as she’s not long got over a bout of hand, foot and mouth, but she seems ok now.

We had to cancel Easter plans with the family, which was a shame and I think they were disappointed, but I thought they understood why we wouldn’t want to travel. Anyway, we called my MIL today (whom I love, by the way. We get on really well) just to update her that the little one is improving. One of the things she said during the conversation was that children born by caesarean have lower immunity than kids born vaginally because of bacteria in the birth canal etc. And perhaps that’s why my little one had been ill a lot. All of hers were born vaginally, of course.

Now, I didn’t choose to have a c section - I laboured all night to try and have a natural birth but it just wasn’t possible and she was in danger so we had to do it. But even if I had, why do I feel like information like that is designed to make mums feel bad? What do you want me to do, go back in time and give birth naturally?! What can I do with this information?!

And anyway, I did some reading and it’s not strictly true. The study this is based on only tested 10 babies and didn’t take into account the mothers’ health or use of antibiotics. NHS sources say it’s not entirely reliable. I actually sent her this article to prove it: www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/caesareans-and-baby-immunity/

I’m probably going to let it go now as I don’t like arguments and I don’t think it will get us anywhere to discuss it further. Just wanted to rant a little and see if others agree with me that this wasn’t a helpful thing to say!

Sorry for the essay! :-)

OP posts:
Puffycat · 02/04/2018 23:41

MILs can come out with some right corkers! Mine maintains that because I had a C section I “didn’t give birth” and don’t understand what’s it’s really like to be a mother!?
Still...............it’s said with love hahahaha😂

Cliveybaby · 02/04/2018 23:47

I can't believe people would find this offensive! Sounds to me like she's just trying to reassure you that it's not your fault, and tell you something interesting!

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 02/04/2018 23:55

She’d love me then, I totally go against her theory. Dd1 was emcs and dd2 was natural. Dd1 never had a cold till she was thirteen months and dd2 was snotty from the word go. Dd2 was breastfed too whereas dd1 wasn’t. I go against every stereotype.

nellieellie · 03/04/2018 00:59

I think it depends on how she said it. It could totally just be her trying to be sympathetic and explaining that it’s just one of those things that might mean as a baby he gets ill more. My DS probably got ill more because I contracted flu when pregnant. Nothing you can do about it, but why should it make you feel guilty? Unless you are over sensitive about it. If she said it in a “well, what do you expect. You did have a Caesarian “ way, then yes, that’s not nice, but I bet she didn’t?

Gottokondo · 03/04/2018 10:49

My friend hads a nine month old who was born vaginally and he's always ill with one bug or the other. Babies don't have good immune systems, regardless of how they were born.

Dozer · 03/04/2018 12:11

Assuming it was well meant it was still insensitive.

It’s almost never sensitive or helpful to express opinions on the potential reasons for a person being unwell! To that person, a parent or other relatives. It’s often one of the things covered in “what not to say” advice in other contexts, eg serious illness (such as cancer), miscarriage.

TheUbercornMum · 03/04/2018 13:11

Ah this old chestnut. Yes I've heard this mentioned too and always makes me sigh. I think it's highly unfair of people to mention, it's unnecessary and makes any mother smart a bit. Sounds like your MIL didn't intend it that way, but perhaps if she'd thought it through she'd realise how it was a bit insensitive to mention.

FWIW, and purely antedotal, my EMCS DD has no allergies, has rarely been ill in comparison to some of her "natural birth" peers, she didn't have her first sickness bug until reaching 3 ish. At 3.5 and attending pre school she and all her friends have been sharing the bugs around, one of them constantly has a cold or bug. Loads of her "natural birth" friends have allergies. I'd challenge anyone to work out which of her pre school class were born by c section and which were "natural" births using the findings of this study! Imo there's more to it than they understand at the moment.

Hope your DD feels better soon.

PoppyCracker · 03/04/2018 13:29

It's only partially true. But skin to skin solves most of it and the changes in bathing advice after the baby is born (don't over wash your baby... basically) have helped. Many more babies would be born en caul still if the NHS didn't seemingly have a habitual backwards policy of breaking waters. So I guess your MILs viewpoint would be void then really.

PoppyCracker · 03/04/2018 13:31

Dettol is mostly to blame by the way. Over cleaning fucks up immune systems.

user1494409994 · 03/04/2018 13:35

My DD who wasn't born by CS, spent 12 weeks on and off throwing up just after she turned 1. She got chickenpox at 4 months too. There are no rules with kids. They all breed germs differently.

HeartCurrent · 03/04/2018 13:39

Ignore comments like that, I had 2 sections and my kids are perfectly fine, my niece born naturally has had a few minor health complications from birth, is it because she born naturally? No it's because sometimes that's what happens.
All Kids are different, born differently, eat differently, and are just different.

catinapoolofsunshine · 03/04/2018 13:49

People do spout a ton of shit when passive aggressively trying to "win" at parenting. Ignore.

catinapoolofsunshine · 03/04/2018 13:55

All my 3 were born by c-section but have none went to nursery before age 3.

Several years ago they each came down with the same two bugs in a row, one at a time, so it seemed like a lot of illness but was actually two bugs per child. Foolishly I used fb a lot then and was one of those fools who posts that trivia, as were a couple of "friends" who had natural births and used nursery and who I knew from the same place. Weirdly they both decided to jump on the "run of illness" to constantly tell me how their children were so much healthier because of their natural birthing and nursery use from 6 months old.

I was so upset by it at the time that I counted up the illnesses they'd posted and pointed out how many more illnesses per child they'd posted about - one with one child had posted more illnesses for her one child than I had for all 3.

They both blocked me.

I should have ignored them, but I was well rid really :o

Its better to ignore and avoid the drama, but I remember how it got to me at the time!

Intheblackhole · 03/04/2018 13:59

I think you are being over sensitive in that she was perhaps concerned that your dd has been ill a lot, and often people especially older generations like to ascribe a ' reason' for everything, rather than her inferring your birth process was unsatisfactory in some way which she obviously would realise you had no choice about.
If she's a nice person it was a little unhelpful that's all.. I don't think she meant it maliciously just not good timing as you've just had a hard few days. Also a bit off the wall.. Who takes notice of nonsense like that ... What does she think.. it will be a lifelong effect lol? Madness.

Tink2007 · 03/04/2018 14:03

The only bacteria evident here is what she is spewing from her mouth. Ignore her.

XJerseyGirlX · 03/04/2018 14:06

I would have said "oh god some people will believe anything " and thrown her a little chuckle and sympathetic smile to go with it.

Cheeky cow

Whatshallidonowpeople · 03/04/2018 14:09

Why would anyone be upset by a comment like that?

LapdanceShoeshine · 03/04/2018 14:10

Haven't RTFT but you are spot on here, OP:

why do I feel like information like that is designed to make mums feel bad? What do you want me to do, go back in time and give birth naturally?! What can I do with this information?!

The kindest interpretation I can put on it is that she just didn't engage her brain before opening her mouth.

FWIW, I had 4 CSs & all 4 kids (grown-up now) have been pretty healthy generally apart from the usual pre-school/school bugs. So KBO & just ignore any such helpful information in future Smile

PuppyMonkey · 03/04/2018 14:35

Yanbu - does she have form for these “no filter” observations. “honestly, meant no harm, I was just saying “...Grin

-Now picturing me having a conversation with my own MIL about vaginas, shudder.Confused

BakedBeans47 · 03/04/2018 14:43

Try not to give it another thought x when I had my eldest he had to have 48 hours antibiotics at birth, I read loads of things saying that would lead to allergies and beat myself up no end especially as I didn’t BF. He’s 12 and as strong an ox with no allergies. Kids get tummy bugs no matter how they’ve been delivered xx

Damnthatonestaken · 03/04/2018 14:50

Mine were all born vaginally but they get sick lots[:(]

yasmin0147 · 03/04/2018 14:57

My kids are ill all the time, and they were both natural births. she sounds like a douche just ignore ignorant comments

minniebirdy · 03/04/2018 17:39

Just grow up

Biblio78 · 03/04/2018 18:03

Nonsense.

Roversandrhodes · 03/04/2018 18:04

I don’t think you’re being over sensitive at all ,She is being very insensitive and talking shit however

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