To have told DD that she looked fat in that?

[ShushTush]

DD is 20 and has fluctuated between a size 10-16 since she hit puberty.

At her biggest she was a size 16 a few years back and it really affected her confidence. It was mainly due to bingeing on family packs of sweets and chocolate.

She was going out tonight with a cropped top on and it really wasn't all that flattering (she's a size 12 at the moment) and I immediately told her as I didn't want anyone else to. Obviously she was very pissed off and insisted she looked fine so I said her opinion was all that matters and off she went.

I feel crap now of course. I had advised her a while back that she's looking chunky and she should exercise more. I always advise exercise rather than diets as she's tried really restrictive ones before.

I'm overweight with a lot to lose (since DC) and I've told her that I don't want her to end up like me as it creeps on slowly so she needs to keep on top of it, not to put her down but so she doesn't end up like me.

WIBU. Hate to think of her going out feeling like crap .

I have to say i dont think you were being mean by telling her, maybe the way it was worded could have been a bit more delicate but i think you were right to say. I see so many young girls out in unflattering clothes that dont suit their shape and always think to myself why did their friends or family not tell them

But why? Yes if you have concerns about someone's health due to their weight that an entirely different thing. But if someone has the confidence to wear something and feel comfortable in it why is it necessary to point out that they look (in YOUR opinion) fat in it. Why does that matter?

Unflattering clothes? Don't suit their shape? A) why does that matter and B) why should all women dress "flatteringly"? Does anyone ever tell a man his t shirt doesn't flatter his upper arms? No, they don't. Funny that.

PNGirl

I rarely see a man squeezed into a shirt that's too small, but I often see it with women.

Really? I see plenty of men with a barely-contained beer belly or one in a muscle t shirt without any visible muscles.

Having DC doesn't make you fat.

PNGirl

Someone should've told them!

Never comment on your daughter’s body unless you are talking about how it works.

If she was happy to go out like that then her confidence is fine. A size 12 is fine.
Now she will probably start to have issues again.
Good job 😞

Yeah yeah yeah your size 20 was unavoidable and not your fault but at size 12 your DD needs to get a handle on it and sort herself out. Not just that but you decided a timeline for her to do it. Come off it.

All of this.

Fat shaming your daughter is unacceptable. She might remember that moment for the rest of her life poor gorlS

*girl

"her dad looked at her ready to go out, wearing purple hot pants (or something) and saying "you look beautiful"."

I find that really creepy.

Why's that creepy? So a mother can tell her daughter 'you look beautiful' but a father can't?

@Gwenhwyfar

I rarely see a man squeezed into a shirt that's too small, but I often see it with women

Really? I see it more with men. Shirt buttons straining. Bottom of belly poking out from too small t shirt, that kind of thing. I don't consider women who wear body conscious or close fitting clothes as wearing something that's too small. It's something they have bought to deliberately to empathise their figures or give them more shape. With men's it's more they just are wearing clothes that no longer fit them.

I agree with @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe, weight has become a taboo subject just when we need to talk about it the most. We have kids killing themselves through inactivity and overeating. Sorry if that's an inconvenient truth for anybody out there.

And if anyone should take anything from this thread it's that dress size has fuck all to do with describing healthy weights.

Lots of girls wear crop tops now with less than washboard stomachs and it’s nice to see.

^Well you must be in the minority then because I don’t like seeing fat stomachs overhanging a crop top*

Well that's you're problem, not the people wearing it. Don't like it? Don't look.

@AlphaApple Couldn't agree more in relation to health issues. But that isn't what this is about.

If someone is wearing an outfit and they feel comfortable and happy with how they look there is absolutely no reason to point out that you think they look fat or unsightly other than to be a nasty dickhead. That's nothing to do with weight issues being a taboo

@MiserableFucker yes, but many posters have said that their parents mentioning weight led to their own disordered eating and obesity, with the inference that parents shouldn't mention it at all. There's also a lot of denial that a size 10 could be fat/overweight to an unhealthy point.

No one knows how the comment will impact on the daughter, but there's a lot of extrapolating that it will plunge her into self doubt, low self esteem, further disordered eating etc., with the inference that parents should STFU when their children are overweight.

That's why it seems like it's becoming taboo.

One of the worst comments i got was AFTER i lost the weight. I got told by someone that it was possible to excersise off loose skin. (this was after a 10 stone weight loss) thats how thick some people are) then there are the downright nasty ones who think that former "fatties" should be forced to live with loose skin for the rest of their lives as a reminder that they were once obese. Which proves the nastiness doesnt stop even when the weight has been lost.
Luckily mine isnt too bad but there are many people who have lost weight who are stuck in an awful "limbo" wondering why they bothered.

Why are you still fat from children you had 15 years ago op? I have had 3 children and lost all my baby weight within a year...

Well bully for you

BULLSHIT Ava You dont give a shit about health. If you did you wouldnt have been insisting that a poster who has lost 20 stone should have to put up with over 3 stone of loose skin despite it splitting and causing infections She is at high risk of sepsis or other serious infections so please dont pretend its all about health.

Oh and as we are talking about mothers. Mine had an eating disorder and restricted her food. I posted that on the skin removal thread too but you didnt acknowledge it So my mother was the opposite of yours and i think there may be something to that. But you were too busy banging on about how former "fatties" should be left to suffer.

Well you see the difference is i don't point out my children's flaws.. whereas the op is projecting her securities on to her daughter. But if we are all honest having children does not impact your weight 15 years later..

@HelenaDove

I didn't make comment on your mother because it wasn't what we were discussing in that thread. But I think the point I had made previously covered anything I would have said. My mother was an over eater and I went in the opposite direction, so did you. Nothing else really needed to be said.

I also said that if the NHS had bottomless money, then of course they should get the surgery. But it doesn't, and children are being denied life saving treatment, mental health services have been cut to the bare bone (I was a psychologist, I worked in that field), care for the elderly will probably be non existent soon. Every area of healthcare is stretched and skin removal surgery is what. £20 to £30 thousand per person. It's not affordable.

Especially not when the solution is to focus more on healthy eating and healthy food relationship from a younger age and protect people's health.

In that thread, I went on and on about the health implications of being overweight, about what I went through with my mum etc, but was continually shot down with "It's not my fault I'm obese". There are ways to deal with all the problems before it gets so extreme. But still, the response was "well, it's not my fault".

At least if people took some responsibility for their situation, id be more understanding. Even if it's thyroid related, medication related or mental health relates there are many resources to help you, private and public, before it gets to the morbidly obese stage.

You lost the weight, so you obviously thought it wasn't good to be that big, but you shouted down anyone who said that. Which means we can't talk about it. If we can't talk about it then we can't stop it happening.

Now, since that thread, I've gone and read about loss skin and the implications. Not finished reading about it, but at least I took what other people said on board and went to educate myself.

You ignored everything I said except when I talked about the NHS being strapped for cash and unable to afford it. You ignored everything I said about health, you ignored everything I said about education and trying to change the public's relationship with food.

That's rude, HelenaDove. I know that you post about weight loss but there are many posters who've achieved significant weight loss too, with different methods and results and there's no single way that's best, just the best for each person.

I don't see anywhere that Ava has even posted about leftover skin on this thread and, if you're dragging that from another thread, you shouldn't be. Ava's comments on this thread have been health-related.