To say "F*** you, MIL"

[MonsterInLaw]

My MIL is a crashing snob, a racist and has absolutely no class.

Last summer she gave me a bottle of wine (I work in wine trade and know a lot about it) which she had seen written up in a paper and was in limited supply at Waitrose. £20 for a fairly ordinary Provence rosé, but it had a celebrity wine maker, etc etc. Wayyyyy overpriced. She said to me "I'd like you to have this for a special occasion"

I fell out with MIL last month, she went too far once too often. DH won't talk about it and he and our kids (older teens) are still visiting her as normal. Nothing's changed except I won't see her.

DH doesn't drink rosé. He's gone to work today and I'm watching films on Netflix. Found a gorgeous film called 'Dough' about a Jewish baker who hires a Muslim apprentice. MIL would disapprove 😀 AIBU to drink the "special" rosé while I watch a film that rightly celebrates the diversity of British culture.

(PS I am a second generation immigrant on my dad's side. MIL hates me for that too)

Some of the kindest people I know hold political opinions that make me see red. Nowadays I just try to avoid the subject around them.

You're all right, and I do come across as very unreasonable. On paper, I am. And in a court I would definitely be found guilty.

But.
All those little, insidious, inconsequential things, that mount up over time, can really get to a person. They sound ridiculous in isolation. And can be got over by having a quick cry in the bathroom, or an extra strong gin, but it eats away at you. And I snapped.

And now I just feel blessed relief. To the extent that I think it's funny to drink some wine that she revered watching something that she'd disapprove of.

And I thought some MNers might be amused. And some might sympathise if they don't get on with their in laws. And some will judge me to be unreasonable. Cheers 🥂

Is Decanter Magazine that one where you get a small piece of glass with each copy and after 750,000 issues you can build your own decanter ?

BRILLIANT!!!!!!

But in the end, virtually all judged you unreasonable, well done

@MonsterInLaw
To be fair, you've taken quite a bit of stick on the chin. There was a lot of info in the drip feed which puts a very different slant on things but people can only go on your initial post. From your subsequent posts, I can see a different perspective. The joys of the single dimension eh?

Thanks ginger
Good job I don't take offence easily. Wait til we've been on MN for 22yrs!
Hard to put everything in an OP. Sometimes I've written a really long one, which disappears into the tumbleweed. Much more satisfying to drip feed a bit

Anyway AIBU surely isn't for self-validation? I ask my RL mates for actual advice

I get you. Straw that broke the camel’s back. Enjoy your wine. Drink the lot.

My MiL loves explaining how I should do my job. Doesn’t matter she’s got absolutely no idea what I do, and her own job couldn’t be further from mine. But she is ALWAYS right and will scream over you if you disagree. Unhinged. I can see my losing my shit at her one day over something utterly pathetic like making a cup of tea.

So you're a tokenistic wine snob?

I think I understand why you feel the way you do towards her, if you have vastly different political views she will be difficult but if you aggressively call her out (however justified) you'll be in the wrong. I know it's fucking ridiculous and frustrating and blaaah but yeah

my uncle actually slags off certain races even though hes got gc of that race

some people you just wont change-your dh says hes ok with yopu tow not talking so he must realise what she can be like

the wine thing i dont really get

Lots of people calling the racist MIL a 'saint' and brilliant and whatnot on this thread to rub OP's face in it sends the message that racism is tolerable.

Completely vile. OP, lots of people are itching to join in the pile-on, don't worry about it and just hide the thread.

And I agree with below by Moving.

Although it's troubling how much people forgive racist relatives political choices as simply 'differing' opinions. I've always (politely) challenged racist comments/inclinations from people in mine and DHs families and seen positive improvements in their views on race over the years. It's a typical privileged attitude to be able to ignore issues about race/immigrants when loads of people in this country can't simply 'ignore' racism when it directly and harmfully affects them.

Well @MonsterInLaw from your OP I thought you were a proper snob but now I reckon we could swap mil stories in our local boozer! Just goes to show how a few well placed details can change things!

My MIL is pretty generous with gifts but when she gives stuff to the DC, before they've even unwrapped it she tells them what it is, how much it cost, and that she's "given mummy the receipt so they can change it". Talk about killing the moment!

Can I join the pub outing to discuss our dear in laws