To say "F*** you, MIL"

[MonsterInLaw]

My MIL is a crashing snob, a racist and has absolutely no class.

Last summer she gave me a bottle of wine (I work in wine trade and know a lot about it) which she had seen written up in a paper and was in limited supply at Waitrose. £20 for a fairly ordinary Provence rosé, but it had a celebrity wine maker, etc etc. Wayyyyy overpriced. She said to me "I'd like you to have this for a special occasion"

I fell out with MIL last month, she went too far once too often. DH won't talk about it and he and our kids (older teens) are still visiting her as normal. Nothing's changed except I won't see her.

DH doesn't drink rosé. He's gone to work today and I'm watching films on Netflix. Found a gorgeous film called 'Dough' about a Jewish baker who hires a Muslim apprentice. MIL would disapprove 😀 AIBU to drink the "special" rosé while I watch a film that rightly celebrates the diversity of British culture.

(PS I am a second generation immigrant on my dad's side. MIL hates me for that too)

She sounds like she makes an effort with you. You sound like you hate her. That's all.

OP you are a snob for ridiculing her choice of wine. You are in the trade and it was not a wine that you would have chosen, fair enough, but that does not give you the right to mock her because you did not value her attempt to make a kind gesture. You come across as more snobbish than she does. If your attitude to this invented slight is, I quote, "F* you" then you don't sound a very nice person.

I'm watching films on Netflix. Found a gorgeous film called 'Dough' about a Jewish baker who hires a Muslim apprentice.

You sound like Adrian Mole

addict

Fair enough regarding OP. But I do feel lots of comments on this thread are a bit 'racist appologist' when they say ignore racist comments from relatives etc its just 'differing opinion/everyone used to think like that'. I come from a minority background (well half my family do) and It's hard enough putting up with crap in the press, and I wonder why these attitudes linger in modern society? It's because there's not enough polite challenge in small spaces within domestic settings.

Well, what an odd thread. Strikes me your mil may be a little scared of not measuring up, hence her fondness for wine mags

I did wonder if she was Les Dawson for a minute too, when wearing the coat indoors was mentioned.

sweenytodd I only mentioned Karen Ingala Smith as I know she is much respected and widely read by MNers and that some people might therefore understand the content of what I had been reading. Counting Dead Women is very depressing. It was very much on my mind when I heard this woman say "It's all in your mind" to me in her dismissive way and I guess I just lost control. Maybe 'trigger' was the wrong word to use but it certainly had that effect on me. Like I say, 22yrs of not saying anything in response to her jibes and snide remarks came to a head all at once.

My DH is not particularly bothered about us falling out. He has seen his huge step-family argue over money, wills, furniture, etc and thinks we're better off with minimum family involvement. Of course he sees her every week, as do the kids ( they're old enough to make their own minds up), I'd never interfere with that.

moving I completely agree, having grown up listening to one side of my family due to location constantly ridiculing the foreign side. Its not just a difference of opinion. Its vile. Sadly polite challenge also doesn't work. When my DM, who was the foreign side above, started on people of DC's cousin's ethnic background I politely told her that some conversations weren't appropriate around young children and to please remember what myself and my siblings had to hear when we were young. She responded by refusing to talk to us again

This thread is a bit. Weird. I think £20 on a bottle of wine is quite a lot actually.
Drink it if you want.

Dear god OP you sound like a massive arsehole.

Also - "found a gorgeous film"?
I think you just found a "really good" film.

Commuterface

"You sound like Adrian Mole "

kimchi £20 IS a lot! Far more than I would pay normally. It was all about the show. My MIL is very much about spending the most money must equal the best stuff. We are not like that. Which is why I find it amusing to drink this overpriced wine while watching something she'd hate, on my own 😀

Dobby1 it's that 'casual' racism that wears you down. The people that don't realise they're doing it. And if you call them out you sound really petty. Not dissimilar to everyday sexism in some ways.

commuterface I love Adrian thanks for that. I also very much overuse the word gorgeous. It has such a gorgeous feeling when you say it!

OP you’re really not coming across well on this thread. That’s all.

You're being a bit weird OP, she bought you wine, has some different views to you and does things differently. Hardly the crime of the century!

You sound like the massive snob And ungrateful also

Can I definitely conclude IABU? Yay
At least you can't accuse me of posting and never coming back! Hope it's amused your Easter Sunday anyway

well this Thread backfired spectacularly ....

Happy Easter OP's Mother in Law

Good on you for admitting it, how about seeing your mil next weekend with your family, perhaps give her a bottle of wine too

Absolutely monster. There's really only so many times you can hear 'oh we don't mean you' when your own family slag off part of your ethnicity before you realise they're just racist arses. But yes, if you point it out its all your problem, because they don't mean you. Oh that's ok then, you just mean my aunt/uncle/cousin/other grandparent/etc instead .
I have a special piece of jewellery given to me by my now deceased GM. My petty act was to wear it recently to a gay wedding. She'd have hated that.

Your MIL must be an absolute saint to have put up with you for 22 years. Don't think I could stomach 22 minutes.

I only mentioned Karen Ingala Smith as I know she is much respected and widely read by MNers. And maybe that is why MIL watches news channels and reads wine magazines in the mistaken belief that she has things to talk to you about.

I don't think you're flippant about immigrants at all. I do think your MIL sounds like a horror and I wouldn't like her either. I just think there's an awful lot of speculation going on regarding her motives, nobody who saw this exchange could possibly have known what you were thinking and I don't think her choice of wine, degree etc are fair targets.