Aibu to ask how stay at home mums find a new partner that respects them?

[woosey35]

How do stay at home mums find a new partner? One who respects them? Possibly a professional man?? How can a stay at home mum have anything that a professional man may desire?

Sorry....confidence rock bottom!!

I'm being honest, and I imagine a lot of other people here feel the same. I would cope with my own disabled child (DD1 has some health needs) but I wouldn't want to take on someone else's child, who needed full time care. I would also worry about what would happen if the child's parent died. I don't think I could cope with someone else's child, in that situation, sorry.

Er you weren’t honest, you were disabilitist.

@niceupthedance

I have a friend who is better suited to working in the home than outside of it; she loves cleaning and is houseproud, a great chef, glamorous and caring. Great with kids. She's now dating a man with his own business.

A man who has his own business? What is a window cleaner?

As for the woman, you have just described almost every mother.

And also.......shouldn't every mother be 'great with kids.'??

Didn't think THAT post through before you posted it did you?!

@MrsSchadenfreude

(Although the outcome would probably have been the same - I would not want to take on someone with a disabled child, and nor, I suspect, would DH.)

........

@dolphincrossing

Bloody hell mrs

..............

@sickofthomas

what a disgraceful and shocking attitude

You can act shocked and furious, but there is nothing wrong with what @MrsS said. I have known several cases of the actual birth father of the child doing a runner, when he discovered they were disabled........ So there is a very real possibility that a man who is not related to the child would not want to take the child on.

She has literally said NOTHING wrong, just that SHE would not want to take on a disabled child of someone else. And she suspects many men would want to either.

Wind your necks in!

I wouldn't want to date somebody who didn't work, it's not an equal partnership then.

Classic drip feed here!!

Why is MrsS attitude horrible? Some people are not cut out to take on the extra responsibility of having a child with sn.
I couldn’t do it again. As much as I love my child, physically and mentally I could not do it again.

We all have limitations of what we can cope with

As others have said, op you are re a full time career not a sahm.

I don’t think MrsS has said anything wrong or”disgraceful”. Disgraceful are all the people tangling their own and other people’s kids up in relationships without thinking it through first.

Thank you Kimanda.

I wasn't disablist, DolphinCrossing. I simply said that I could not take on another person's disabled child.

*carer

If you had said you couldn’t take on another persons black child, what would be racist, wouldn’t it?

See where this is going?

*that

But I didn't say that.

It is not disablist to say that I, personally, could not take on another person's disabled child. I couldn't have my mother or mother-in-law live with me full time either - does that make me ageist?

And is it disablist, if someone wants to adopt a child, to say that they prefer one that is not disabled?

Given that you were a professional yourself I wouldn't consider your position hopeless. It is not inconceivable that a man of a similar educational level would find you attractive despite the circumstances you find yourself in. However what would be unlikely is a man who is equal calibre wanting to commit to you fully, take responsibility for your child etc. For that you would have to either consider a 'professional' man with complicated circumstances of his own or look bellow your social class.

I think you are sending this in a direction of your own choosing, frankly, DolphinCrossing.

A lot of people happily admit they wouldn’t take on anyone else’s child full stop. They’re usually praised for their honesty.

Speaking as a stepparent, knowing all too well what it’s like, fair play to them.

It's nit disablist to admit you couldn't cope with a disabled child or feel like you couldn't. And it's far kinder to stay out to begin with than become part of their life and then have to leave because you can't cope.

Stop stirring @dolphincrossing.

You are welcome @MrsS Others posters above agree too (springtrolls..and rebelrogue) that you said nothing wrong. Don't bite.

And annelovesgilbert too, she agrees you said nothing wrong too.

Full time carer for disabled child looking for partner sounds better to me than a by-choice stay at home single parent. The former I would date, the latter I would assume was after a meal ticket.

Honestly, the narrow mindedness is shocking on this thread. Hands up all the working mums on this thread who rely/leave all/leave at least some childcare to Grandparents/any Tom Dick or Harry? There, I’ve said it.

Yes, thank you SpringTrolls and RebelRogue.

I'm not biting, Kimada. I'm ignoring the stupid!

Controversial. But the only way a professional, 'good' single man would respect a single stay at home mum, is if she's a stunner.

(Although the outcome would probably have been the same - I would not want to take on someone with a disabled child, and nor, I suspect, would DH.)

@MrsSchadenfreude That's disgraceful. What a horrible, horrible attitude you have. I hope you never have your OWN disabled child

Why is that a horrible thing to say? Nobody chooses to have a disabled child. It's fucking hard work and breaks you apart at times. I know, as I have one myself. If a parent was asked "would you rather have your child as they are, or remove their disability" then i know what the answer would be.

A person who isn't a parent but meets someone with a disabled child, has that choice. And I imagine most vote with their feet.

I really don't know, I think your first thing is that you mention professional, so you're looking at certain men possibly with a wage bracket that can allow you to continue to be a SAHM. Would that be right?

I can see why if you're dating a guy might be put off the fact that you plan on being a SAHM till youngest goes to Uni. You'd possibly feel like the woman has chose you because you can offer what her existing family unit needs. As in a decent earner that could afford some luxuries.

You also have to take into account it is a big thing for a man to take on someone else's DC. There's lots of stories where a couple have dated since DC was a baby and sees him as Dad. When they split up he has no rights despite maybe being there for the first few years of life.

It does worry me you put professional as it shouldn't matter if the guy works in a warehouse or in the financial quarter in London. It sounds like you have pre conceived ideas.

Professional people tend to attract professional people. Quite often meet through work and freinds at work network. So it will possibly be easier once you restart work.