Aibu to ask how stay at home mums find a new partner that respects them?

[woosey35]

How do stay at home mums find a new partner? One who respects them? Possibly a professional man?? How can a stay at home mum have anything that a professional man may desire?

Sorry....confidence rock bottom!!

Is this real? It seems very goady?

My thoughts, too.

If you are not planning on returning to the paid workforce, then I suggest you start volunteering (never know who you might meet, and it also shows you're doing something plus will help a later return to work shouid you choose it).

I would also recommend joining a couple of sports clubs - maybe cycling or running or sailing or badminton - anything where an individual joiner is unexceptional but where you interact with others. So probably not classes at a gym

I absolutely would be a professional, and was, until my daughter became disabled and in need of full time carer. So yes..I’d love to be back in a professional role. So no, I wouldn’t be looking for someone to float me..and no I wouldn’t be on the benefit ladder either.
I was simply asking if a professional person would ever find a sahm attractive.
Thanks for your replies. I think I have my answer

I thought in order to by choice be full time SAHM you needed to already have a partner who is out working allowing you to stay at home and look after the children?
It seems what you want is to find a rich man to support you and your (not his kids) so you can continue not to have to work.
Not very likely to happen.

So you're not looking primarily for someone who is kind and thoughtful then?

FaFoutis has it spot on, look for your own profession rather than relying on someone else's. Plus, many couples meet at work so returning to the workplace may open more doors than you think.

Do you plan to remain a SAHM?
What exactly do you mean by professional?

TBH, as unappealing as an unemployed man with multiple kids is to me, I can’t deny the fact that all the single SAHMs I know have ended up with relationships, some of them professional ones!

Who knows! But it does seem we can’t compare like for like!

Be honest @woosey35 you're looking for a 'professional' solvent man with his own big house, purely for the financial security/financial gain aren't you? Why else would you want a 'professional' man?'

I am a professional, and have been for many years, and like a number of other posters, I would not even entertain a stay at home dad on benefits. Or ANY man on benefits. I would rather be single for life than go with a MILE of a man on the dole. That is a deal breaker I'm afraid, a man MUST have a job. Or he can do one.

Even though you say YOU want a man who is 'driven' and 'ambitious, I'm afraid - rightly or wrongly - a stay at home mother is not what an ambitious and driven man would go for. A stay at home mother does not fit the profile of an ambitious and driven person.

If the reason you want a 'professional man' is not to support you financially, why not go for someone who flips burgers in McDonalds? How do you know HE is not 'ambitious' and 'driven?'

I think the label of stay at home mum/dad/parent is generally applied to someone with a partner who works outside the home (or maybe someone who is independently wealthy and no need to generate an income).

A single parent who doesnt work is just unemployed I think. I’m really not judging - I was one , though not for long as someone else said it’s just not sustainable.

I doubt many people with drive and ambition want to be with someone who is unemployed and I think that’s ok.

That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you or you’re not worthy and I’m in no doubt you work hard, but you may be doing your self esteem a disservice by not recognising your current position isn’t necessarily compatible with the type of person you want.

I think there is a massive difference between being a SAHM and being a full time carer and you may have had different responses OP if you had said that at the start .

Be intelligent and interesting and have other topics of conversation apart from your children, the local school and whether Sainsbury's or Tesco are better value for money.

Have you and your husband split up OP?

Try being a single mum who stays at home because of disabilities!!! I have even less chance..........

I met and married my H when he was a single SAHD. But the reason he didn't work was because he was disabled.

I think if I met someone who had children of school age, but didn't work through choice, I would be put off.

Why do you need a man to lift up your confidence? This should be down to you not others.
Let’s be honest here. Finding a bloke
For a confidence boost and to improve your life isn’t going to be a quick fix.
You meet a bloke tomorrow say whilst doing you shopping. You start chatting and he invites you out on a date. Can you realistically afford to be dating someone for the next several months?
You get past this obstacle it’s
Still going to be a few years before you talk about moving in. By that time you should be working.
Concentrate first on gaining financial independence.

And no I wouldn’t date a person who wasn’t working. The relationship would be imbalanced. There would be an expectation for me to always pay. I want someone with drive and direction. Who is independent. I don’t want to fund someone else. I want
To whisk someone away from a night or two here and there, but I also want them to treat me and do similar.

So you are actually a carer by need rAther than a SAHM by choice.

I'm another single mum who can't understand how being a SAHP would work if you're single. How are you supporting yourself? If it's via CM would that continue if you were living with a new partner?

I personally wouldn't be interested in dating and unemployed single dad as I would feel that I was going to be used as a cash cow.

Sorry for the drip feed. Feel reluctant to allow my daughters disqbility to define me.
Thanks for your replies. At least I kind of know where I am now

Wow, there’s some serious arseholery on this thread.

OP was a professional, she’s now at home caring for her disabled child at home. She wants to know if it’s possible to meet someone on the same wavelength as her, not someone who can fund her. Way to kick her when she’s down.

Absolutely what Floralnomad said. I think the responses would have been quite different if you had asked and said you were a full time carer to a disabled child.

(Although the outcome would probably have been the same - I would not want to take on someone with a disabled child, and nor, I suspect, would DH.)

Bloody hell Mrs

It's even more odd to let yourself be defined by "SAHM" ,especially since that is not the case.
If you are reAdy to start dating you will meet them..some of them will be put off simply by the fact you have a kid,some might be put off by her disability,some might be put off by your responsibilities and inability to just do something whenerver ,wherever, some might be. Put off by your lack of job/career,some will just want a shag.

Don't settle,don't compromise and don't rely on a man to boost your self esteem or finances. You can't expect a man to overlook and accept your "faults" when you are unable to do so as well.

@MrsSchadenfreude That's disgraceful. What a horrible, horrible attitude you have. I hope you never have your OWN disabled child

I think you have to see through a new partners employment abilities or drive for a career.
Look for someone who wants to spend time with you, wants to make you smile, wants be part of your world.
His employment options shouldn't be of concern to you unless you find his work/personal life balance incompatible with having a meaningful relationship leading to life commitment with you.
Because career driven can sometimes mean busy busy and coming second to constant emails, phonecalls and cancelled holidays due to needs of said career.