To think this is an april fools joke gone too far!

[Gabbyleo]

I've had enough really. out of any day not Easter. My DCs 8, 5 and 3 have been waiting patiently all month for their chocolate eggs. I wake up this morning to find the Easter eggs all eaten with the the boxing left in the cupboard , the wrappers inside with one smarty, button or malteser left . I put it on the top of the cupboard so only DH and the DS 1&2 (18 and 15) could reach them. I go up to DS room and they were pretending to sleep. I wake them up and they admitted to eating all the Easter eggs. there was 8 of them! I cant actually believe it! They said they were planning to go to shop and buy some replacements but it was closed. They claimed it was an 'April Fool joke but went wrong'. The worst thing was they both found it funny I've told them they have to apologise to younger DCs. That there consoles and phones will be confiscated for all Easter break and that they are grounded and won't be going to any of their friends house. April Fools jokes are supposed to be funny! DH told me in going too far but I don't care sick of them treating the younger ones like shit. Rant over.

Perhaps your DS18 should go and live with your MIL Op? Sounds like she could be the making of him...

I think you should stop relying on your MIL for back up, you married her son not her.
To make the whole day a string of towns and punishments is a bit much - the driving lessons is a huge, disproportionate loss for your older one.

Rows not towns

Crikey

Get your oldest a kettle and a toaster to keep in his room. Then let him live on toast and pot noodles until he is prepared to apologise and pull his weight. Point out that probably the best he could afford would be a bedsit, and this might be all the cooking facilities he would have so he might as well get used to it.

The fact that your MIL made driving lessons conditional on good behaviour suggests that she knows he can be a workie-ticket, otherwise she wouldn't have had to make that a specification.

I'm glad your younger three had a good time. What happened about the prize easter egg? Were you able to get one the same to replace it?

You and your DH are an absolute shower.
You are on completely different pages of the parenting manual and running to your MIL to discipline your kids.No wonder thse teens have no respect for you and your DH because you are one minute treating it as nothing at all and buying them chocolate and the next minute going over the top with multiple punishments like stopping driving lessons, no pudding and confiscating electronics.They don't know what the heck you are going to do next.You and your DH need to be calm and consistent , deal with issues proportionally and then move on

Oh ffs, it's not a 'funny' April Fool's joke at all and I'd be fucking annoyed at my son for doing something like that, but a lot of these replies are insane.

'Grounding' an 18 year old? Have a laugh.

Very out of line of 15 year old to be calling you a bitch, OP. That should come with consequence.

As for the eggs, it's a very distasteful joke. I'd just not buy them any treats they like in your weekly shop. Nothing much you can do

I have to disagree with @5plus, there was no string of punishments. There were consequences which (finally) got through. It is also not the OPs fault that they were let off/rewarded with eggs. It is very hard to parent alone as she is forced to do, in the end you have to be much more severe. Yes, no-one is happy but that is because the 18 year old and the 15 year old refused to acknowledge what they had done was not just not funny but cruel in the extreme. It also spoke to how they generally treat their younger siblings. Had they apologized this morning, their grandmother would probably still be paying for the lessons because that would have shown them to be responsible people. Sticking to the idea that they were "only having a laugh" escalated the situation, in fact had their parents presented a united front the whole thing would be pretty much over now. The Ds would have apologised this morning, bought replacement eggs, there would have been no insult directed at their mother. Their father did them (again) no favours. His change from one-side to the other must be confusing for the teenagers.

Sorry, but am I the only one who thinks that 5plus sounds like a total and utter arsehole? Lady, the reason they have no respect is because her husband is a dick, not being funny but if i has grown up with a dad that’s telling me it’s okay to be a disrespectful little twat then I would be, don’t worry son you eat those eggs I’ll buy more, course you’d fucking eat them, clearly he does this all the time. As for the 18 year old I would have kicked his head in, im 21 and my older sister was always there for me and showed me what is and isn’t okay, my two little brothers look to us as role models, if we were being twats, they would follow. I have to say tho, the cruelest thing I’ve done to siblings is the standard pranks like jumping out and scaring them, bit much to eat all their Easter chocolate. I was paying rent from the age of 15 when I had a little part time job, it was nice knowing that I was helping to pay the bills and things, meant my mum didn’t have to work as hard or that she could have a treat when doing shopping.

Sounds like your DH only backed you up for long enough to get the visit to MILs over and done with..............because he knew she would have a go at him for being unsupportive of you.

Your MIL sounds great btw.

I am still struggling to see the Aprils Fool.

All I can see is two (spoilt by their father) selfish little shits who even ate one younger child's prize.

He is doing them no favours for when they get older and leave home.

Your H has no respect for you and this is being mirrored by your eldest two.

Why are you married to this guy? Your family is a mess because of him.

Never mind the kids the dh needs to grow the fuck up!

Part of being a parent is ensuring your children become decent, thoughtful, kind considerate adults

Not entitled, selfish bullying lazy little shits!

My dd is 17 working full time pays rent, her own phone and driving lessons. Wasn't even a case of me having to tell her, when she knew how much she'd get in take home we sat down and worked out a fair arrangement. She's no angel don't get me wrong but she would not DARE behave like this.

You say your dh is trying to be "cool dad" does he not get at all that actually they're taking him for a complete mug?

They're playing you off against each other you BOTH need to go on a parenting course.

Maybe one run by mil? She sounds excellent (although that begs the question how did your dh turn out so useless?)

Personally in your position I would boot dh and the eldest 2 right out! Dh thinks ds at 18 and working wouldn't cope living alone? Oh please! If he can cope with work and driving lessons he can bloody learn!

I'm repeatedly shocked how many kids on mn are expected to do very little in the way of chores ESPECIALLY boys. Operating kettles, cookers, washing machines, irons etc

1 don't require a vagina
2 are perfectly possible from around the age of 11! Sometimes earlier
3 make them bloody appreciate how good they have it!

With 5 kids between 7 of you if you each pulled your weight nobody would need to do too much per person. Even very little ones can lay tables, clear dirty dishes, put toys away, even dust!

I'm honestly thinking family counselling might be necessary too.

You say it's a divided family and it really sounds it with your dh assigning golden child status to your eldest 2 - how does he treat the younger ones especially the girls?

Maybe MIL needs to move in for a week . She sounds brilliant.

5plus has a point. There is obviously some kind of huge resentment towards the younger children by the older ones - humiliating rather than trying to understand why will just drive a further wedge.

I know OP said not, but I'm very surprised to hear the oldest two are also hers, not step children because of the way she speaks about them.

^^ not implying step mums' don't live step children btw

It does sound like somewhere along the way that Dad and older boys have become a gang. Not sure that Dad is the leader of this gang any more though and is trying to curry favour by being soft on discipline.

I know OP said not, but I'm very surprised to hear the oldest two are also hers, not step children because of the way she speaks about them. The way she talks about them is bred out of resentment, because everything they do is excused by her dh and he does not back her up or discipline them. Her resentment towards them is misguided, granted. But if my child treated the rest of my family the way her sons do, and their father constantly minimized it, I'd be resentful of all of them as well.

Op, the fact that your son called you a bitch is not good. If he can talk to his mother like that, imagine who else he wold speak to like that! You need to tell your dh that you are (both) raising a bully, and he is encouraging it, therefore condoning it. It's all well and good him being all arsey about your son calling you that, but it's too little too late. The mere fact that he thought it was OK is astounding.

And those telling op she was unreasonable for "running to MIL" I don't think she was. 1] op's dh is MIL's child, and you are never too old to listen to a few wise words form your parent 2] MIL is paying for the older child's driving lessons. She has a right to know, and a right to revoke that if she feels he is being disrespectful.

Maybe him moving out and seeing how adult life really is would shock some sense into him. I moved out at 18 and I was very naive and young mentally but somehow I managed. (I did move home shortly when I was 20)

He's 18...if he won't wash his own clothes, he wears dirty clothes. He will never be mature enough to move out until he has to be a fucking grown up. Your husband needs to stop babying him and realise he is raising entitled lazy shits that have no respect for anyone.

I was an awful teenager. Really bad. I moved out at 16. I had to grow up! By his age I was renting my 4th house and had a baby on the way.

You are both doing him no favours at all. He won't be mature enough to move out until he has to do it himself.

Your husband must be infuriating. You are trying to raise your kids to be respectful and independent and kind and your husband is trying to be one of the lads and be cool.

When they finally grow up in years time, they will respect you for all you did and think he was joke:

DS18 lessons are no longer being paid for by her. . However younger DCs have been having a great time and got even more eggs from MIL. She even decided to give the ones for the DSs to the younger DCs instead.

Go grandma!

But is there any chance that your H will undermine everything once again and pay for the lessons himself instead, and/or that MIL will change her mind after all?

Go MIL! Maybe the boys (including H since he’s clearly an adult in physical age only ) should go live with her, she’d bring them all into line.

I can’t believe he bought THEM more eggs not just the young ones.

He might have briefly stood up for you, but honestly this whole thing would make me lose so much respect for him. He’s like a Disney dad (I see I wasn’t the only one who thought at first the older ones were your stepsons) it’s pathetic.

UPDATE

yesterday was going to well until the last few hours. DS18 wasn't happy being told that he will have to do more chores, MIL clothing punishment and having to pay rent. He's decided to stay at his cousins flat. He's trying to move somewhere where he can avoid doing any of the things bee have asked. Doesn't seem to understand no matter where he goes he will have to do his own chores and pay rent.

DS15 got upset that he couldn't go to his cousins and was in a mood all night. While DH was getting the kids ready for bed. I was downstairs. All I heard was DS15 shout 'f off' followed by a thud and DS5 crying. I quickly ran up the stairs so DS5 on the flaw crying. I asked him DS15 what happened he claimed DS5 was annoying him. They were both brushing their teeth DS15 shoved DS5 because was in his way and DS5 fell off his stool and on to the flaw. DS5 said his back hit the wall. I was so mad. I decided to concentrate on looking after DS5 and deal with DS15 later. Once DH had finished putting DDs to bed. He just flipped out on DS15 saying he shouldn't be touching DS like that. He didn't really make things better as he said that he wanted to 'box DS head in'. Completely out of character for him had to tell him to calm down. It must've been a hard push because part DS5 back was in slot of pain. DS5 ended up wanting to sleep with me for the night DH slept on the couch I ended up crying myself to sleep.

All of my DCs are off this week. How are supposed to have a good time if the DSs are treating the little ones like crap. All night I was balling myself regretting having any more kids after DS15 I didn't think it would be like this. DH thought 2 was enough but I wanted more, yet I can't control my 2 older ones.

DS15 just keeps getting worse swearing in front of the kids. hes not the well behaved kid he used to be. Definitely going to consider counselling for him. Thanks all for the advice. Yes I'm so lucky to have such an amazing MIL but she won't be here forever to help. She tells me this all the time. I just I had more control but at the moment I don't.

I just want to say that I am so sorry. It is hard, especially when you try your best to be fair and equitable to all.

Let the eldest go. He's technically an adult and if he won't learn the easy way, he's going to have to learn the hard way.

Counselling for the second one seems like a really good idea. He's clearly modeling his brother and it's harming the little ones.

Most teenagers instinctively understand that little humans need to be handled with more care than big humans, and the fact that he's ignoring this instinct probably (sits in armchair) means he's dealing with some issues. A third party would be good to help work through them.

How's the little one today?

DS15 is certainly an angry young man! Why does he resent the younger ones so much? Does he feel left out? DS18 is old enough to have a job and money and move out, the little ones take up more of your time...is he feeling left out or that he's not as important as the others? and I am definitley not having a go here - I have a big gap between my two dds and then my ds, so I understand perfectly how hard it is to deal with teens and little ones.
I totally agree that bad behaviour, especailly bullying and swearing, have consequences but can you get to the root of the issue? Would dh mind the wee ones while you take DS out on his own to Costa or something and have a one to one talk with him? Tell him you are worried about him and his behavour is making you sad - what can you do to help? Is anything going on at school/issues with girl/boyfriends etc?
His beaviour is appalling but there has to be a reason for it. Good luck.