Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hide from the stepkids

163 replies

Boxingdaydisappoints · 31/03/2018 19:32

I'm sitting in my car "hiding" from my stepchildren! I suffer from anxiety and generally struggle with their visits to their dad. They're with us 5 nights a fortnight which includes EOW. DP and I have a good relationship, and agree on most things other than the children.

The kids are mid teen and a young adult and the young adult is very sexually active, yet still wants all the perks of being a child. This means he wants Easter eggs and pocket money, yet we're currently entertaining his third sexual partner this year. I can't deal with it, that's why I'm hiding. DH doesn't see a problem, but due to my MH issues my home is my safe place and I'm not happy with it being used as a knocking shop for a man child.

Please be gentle, but any advice gratefully received.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boxingdaydisappoints · 31/03/2018 20:05

He's 18. Totally legal and entitled to sleep with whoever he likes, that's up to him. My issue is the girls being invited to my home.

OP posts:
pictish · 31/03/2018 20:06

I agree that 5 out of 14 isn’t much. Did you rather hope his kids would be a side issue that wouldn’t impact on your life beyond nominally? Yeah...it doesn’t really work like that. They’re real and they’re there and they won’t go away because they stress you out and you’re fed up with them now. Sorry.

Original poster
Boxingdaydisappoints · 31/03/2018 20:07

Thanks pictish that's so helpful.

OP posts:
pictish · 31/03/2018 20:07

It’s his home too in a sense isn’t it? It’s not just your home is it?

retirednow · 31/03/2018 20:07

Can't he go into another room.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 31/03/2018 20:07

I’m 41 and still get an Easter egg from my mum...

pictish · 31/03/2018 20:07

Well what do you want to hear?

BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot · 31/03/2018 20:09

I'm old fashioned and would set down the rules of no partners overnight until they become a regular fixture of 6 months or more as it's too disruptive to the household

issaflame · 31/03/2018 20:12

You would prefer that he sees his children less to cater for your needs? That's odd considering the kids were there when you met. But I guess you can't help how you feel so hide away tbh

Original poster
Boxingdaydisappoints · 31/03/2018 20:12

A six month rule would be sensible but I don't seem to have a valid point and my argument isn't heard on this subject.

My anxiety is the root of it, I know that but that doesn't make it easier to deal with.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 31/03/2018 20:13

I think you're being a bit hard on people who disagree with you, OP.

Is it your home, or a jointly owned home?

Original poster
Boxingdaydisappoints · 31/03/2018 20:13

He can see his kids all he likes issa, that doesn't worry me, I just don't want to see them.

OP posts:
MeridianB · 31/03/2018 20:15

Yanbu OP

Perfectly reasonable to lay down some rules about the guests. How about he has to be with same person for a minimum of six months before they can stay over? You wouldn’t be dictating his lifestyle, just keeping strangers out of your house. It’s up to him if he prefers a different girl every week - he just needs to find a new location to sleep with them.

Does his mother allow a procession of girls? Does he ever stay at the girls’ parents?

Original poster
Boxingdaydisappoints · 31/03/2018 20:15

Pengggwn - I'm not hard on anyone, I'm defending myself and Pictish didn't offer anything constructive whatsoever and you're just wanting to pick a fight. I won't engage with you anymore.

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 31/03/2018 20:15

@Boxingdaydisappoints is the 18 yo allowed to do the same in his mum's house?

Lookatyourwatchnow · 31/03/2018 20:16

I can't really see any issue with your stepchildren from what you have said aside from you and your DH needing to reach an agreement around partners staying over.

PerfectPenquins · 31/03/2018 20:16

You don’t want to see his kids?

Original poster
Boxingdaydisappoints · 31/03/2018 20:16

I'm not sure what his mum allows, I think she's probably more flexible than I am.

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 31/03/2018 20:17

Well I would not be sharing bathroom if it's ensuite. But the rest Yabu. Their his kids and it's great that they want to spend time with their dad

Original poster
Boxingdaydisappoints · 31/03/2018 20:18

I don't want to see his procession of gf's not the step kids! God I'm going to get flamed for that!

OP posts:
MeridianB · 31/03/2018 20:18

Just seen Bumpowder has made same suggestion.

I hope your OH is prepared for a knock on the door from the parents of a pregnant teen at some point..

Dozer · 31/03/2018 20:19

If you don’t want to see the DC don’t live with their father!

YANBU not to want overnight houseguests though.

Pidlan · 31/03/2018 20:19

In the gentlest way possible, you're being unreasonable. His DS sounds like a normal teenager, and it would be unfair to ban his girlfriend- it's really nice that he wants to bring her, it indicates that he feels your house is a home to him. You may be uncomfortable with his DC, but that, sadly, is your problem.

retirednow · 31/03/2018 20:19

I would just ask him not to bring g.f but that has to be your dh decision too unless you are sole owner of the house. I can see why this makes you uncomfortable, it's obviously what they are all used to so maybe they don't understand why it bothers you.

Dozer · 31/03/2018 20:19

Oh, you mean the DC’s gfs. Yanbu on that, have it out with your H.

Swipe left for the next trending thread