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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cancelled dds party aibu?

154 replies

Glittered · 31/03/2018 19:20

So I feel really shitty.
It's dds 6th birthday tomorow. I always knew it would be awkward falling on Easter weekend so 2 weeks ago we sent invites out to 6 school friends plus 2 cousins
The party was supposed to be today at our house.
A few days after invites 2 friends said they are coming.
Since then another mum told me they will be away on holiday.
Then earlier this week her 2 cousins came down with chicken pox so that's them out.
The other 3 never got back to me.
I put my address and number on invites and asked for rsvp by 29th (last day of school)
So yesterday her dad and me felt it a bit pointless having a party for only dd and 2 friends
We offered to take dd to build a bear instead she was ok with this and I phoned the other 2 mums who said they are coming and said sorry but we are cancelling
They were fine about it and the one wants to meet up for a play date in the holidays
So then today we went out I got phone calls from the other 3 who were standing at my door but if just assumed weren't coming?
I feel awful.
I could literally cry but I'm also angry I mean how hard is it to just send a yes or no text???
Should I feel bad about this? Or is it on them??
I always rsvp.
If her cousins hadn't got chicken pox I would have had the party as that would at least be 5 kids coming
I didn't have the contact details for the parents who did not rsvp

OP posts:
SeventyNineBottlesOfWine · 31/03/2018 19:25

I wouldn't feel bad at all.
It's a real bug bear of mine when people don't bother to RSVP. It takes literally 2 seconds to send a quick text letting someone know whether you can attend or not.
How are you supposed to plan for food etc if you don't know numbers?
Perhaps it may teach the other parents a well deserved lesson in why it's important to RSVP!

flowerslemonade · 31/03/2018 19:26

No don't feel guilty. They are idiots.

RedSkyAtNight · 31/03/2018 19:27

Extremely poor of the 3 parents not to reply - I think it's reasonable to assume a non-replier is not coming.

That said, if you had 2 children coming, then I personally wouldn't have cancelled the party, you could have had a lovely time with just 3 children even if you had to rethink some of your activities.

For the future, you know to write on an RSVP date on the invites. Also, you need to start chasing early, particularly for a school holiday party.

MyDcAreMarvel · 31/03/2018 19:28

Why did you cancel ? You should have at least taken the other two to build a bear.

purpleme12 · 31/03/2018 19:29

Don't bother about this. If someone doesn't reply they can't expect you to know they're coming.

But I can't understand why you cancelled it if there was still people coming.

Knittedfairies · 31/03/2018 19:30

Redsky OP’s invites did have RSVP.

AgentProvocateur · 31/03/2018 19:31

Poor form to cancel the two that were coming, and were presumably looking forward to it. The parents may have organised their weekend around the party.

Poptart4 · 31/03/2018 19:32

You probably should have sent a group text to everyone. But I hate people who don't RSVP planning a party is stressful enough without worrying about who's coming. I often think people who don't RSVP are keeping their options open.

I don't think you should feel bad. If they had the good manors to RSVP they wouldn't have been left standing at the door. Hopefully this teaches them a lesson for future invites.

upsideup · 31/03/2018 19:32

Why on earth did you cancel? Was dd not devastated?
You could have still let her spend the day with the two friends and she would have had loads of fun, I acually thinks its quite rude to cancel on them like they alone are not good.

strawberrypenguin · 31/03/2018 19:32

I would probably have taken the other kids to build a bear too, but no you weren't unreasonable to assume the others weren't coming

purpleme12 · 31/03/2018 19:33

If my DD had been invited to a party she gets proper excited. And we'd have bought a present. I mean if it's illness or whatever fair enough but I can't really understand this reason

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 31/03/2018 19:35

God people not rsvping is a bloody nightmare

But I agree with the others. I wouldn't have cancelled just amended what you did with dd and two friends. Could they not all have done build a bear?

Idontdowindows · 31/03/2018 19:36

I definitely don't think you were the rude one OP.

If people can't be arsed to RSVP, you can't be arsed to wait around to see if they are going to deign to show up.

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 31/03/2018 19:37

That’s their own fault if they couldn’t be bothered to rsvp! That really bugs me.

LemonSqueezy0 · 31/03/2018 19:38

I feel you aren't wrong at all for being annoyed with those that didn't RSVP, although it's not the children's fault their parents are so rude,so it's a shame they missed out.

Also maybe, on reflection, you could've jiggled a few things around so the ones who did reply didn't miss out and you DD had some kind of party for her birthday.

Original poster
Glittered · 31/03/2018 19:38

Have you seen how expensive build a bear is? 😮

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 31/03/2018 19:39

Red
Op DID put a date on the invite and they still couldnt be bothered to reply.

Totally thier fault op they knew they had to reply by 29th and they didnt.
You are not psychic, maybe next time they will appreciate an rsvp is needed so people know if they are coming or not.

feelingoodinspring · 31/03/2018 19:39

I understand why you cancelled I really do, but I don't think I would have done the same. In fact I would have been relieved at the thought of only having to entertain 2 children!

Extremely rude of the other parents not RSVPing though. How difficult is it really??

feelingoodinspring · 31/03/2018 19:40

But I don't think you should have taken the other two to Build a Bear. Like you say, it's expensive!

diddl · 31/03/2018 19:41

I think it's quite sad that you think it wouldn't have been worthwhile with 2 friends & cancelled them.

It wasn't their faults that the cousins got ill & the others cba to RSVP.

Teaandbiscuits35 · 31/03/2018 19:42

How upsetting! I would have assumed no response would be a no show too, it's such bad form. I don't think it was unreasonable to cancel, just a bit annoying for the parents and kids of the two who were going to come.

MadMags · 31/03/2018 19:42

I think you should have done something with the other two. They were making the effort!

Zhabr · 31/03/2018 19:43

if somebody is not RSVPing, I am usually chase them a several days before the party. Normally people reply via text/WhatApp really quickly and they are really apologetic for not getting back to me.
I had two DD's best friends for a small birthday party at homeone year. It was fun with 3 kids and a good way to celebrate without a fuss.
I would take those two girls to Build a Bear, as it is more fun with the friends.

LoniceraJaponica · 31/03/2018 19:43

Serves them right for not replying

diddl · 31/03/2018 19:44

Perhaps she can have a party with the three who responded & the cousins at some point?

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