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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cancelled dds party aibu?

154 replies

Glittered · 31/03/2018 19:20

So I feel really shitty.
It's dds 6th birthday tomorow. I always knew it would be awkward falling on Easter weekend so 2 weeks ago we sent invites out to 6 school friends plus 2 cousins
The party was supposed to be today at our house.
A few days after invites 2 friends said they are coming.
Since then another mum told me they will be away on holiday.
Then earlier this week her 2 cousins came down with chicken pox so that's them out.
The other 3 never got back to me.
I put my address and number on invites and asked for rsvp by 29th (last day of school)
So yesterday her dad and me felt it a bit pointless having a party for only dd and 2 friends
We offered to take dd to build a bear instead she was ok with this and I phoned the other 2 mums who said they are coming and said sorry but we are cancelling
They were fine about it and the one wants to meet up for a play date in the holidays
So then today we went out I got phone calls from the other 3 who were standing at my door but if just assumed weren't coming?
I feel awful.
I could literally cry but I'm also angry I mean how hard is it to just send a yes or no text???
Should I feel bad about this? Or is it on them??
I always rsvp.
If her cousins hadn't got chicken pox I would have had the party as that would at least be 5 kids coming
I didn't have the contact details for the parents who did not rsvp

OP posts:
spacecadet48 · 31/03/2018 20:30

Having organised various parties for my 4 DC I always know that people will turn up who have not RSVP. (really bloody irritating!) If you were cancelling I would have ensured all those who were invited were informed. Anyway its done now. Be interested to know how the parents responded when they called you!

Original poster
Glittered · 31/03/2018 20:32

Of course I feel awful for the 2 that were coming and their mums have been lovely about it.
I couldn't just take them to the cinema today as I also have a baby to juggle
But may be that's a good idea I could take those 2 and my dd out for pizza and cinema one evening in the week to make up for it. I will text their mums. I never thought of that
I hate letting kids down.
As for the others I didn't have their contact details so could not contact them and I've been working a lot during the week so grandparents have done a lot of school runs for me
Last year we did a pony riding party and everyone rsvp'd almost immediately of course!

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouser · 31/03/2018 20:32

Three separate issues.

Next time have her party the weekend before or after.

It was really, really, rude to cancel the two that were coming, you could have still made it a lovely afternoon.

No, you weren’t rude re the ones that just turned up. People that don’t bother their arses to let you know one way or the other deserve what they get. Though, it’s a shame that it’s the kids this time that really miss out, but hopefully their disappoinrment & resulting complaining will teach the ignorant parents a lesson!

Allthewaves · 31/03/2018 20:33

Don't feel bad your not psychic. And parents will learn to reply in future

purpleme12 · 31/03/2018 20:35

The mums would have been lovely. Even if I was disappointed or perplexed about this I wouldn't say in this situation

MaggieS41 · 31/03/2018 20:36

Yes I want to know what you said to the 3 that showed up and they’re response! I fucking hate non RSVPers with a passion.

I wouldn’t have cancelled either. I would’ve called the parents, let them know of the situation and your suggested alternatives (not build a bear obviously!!! 💰💰💰💰) What if they had 2 invites and chose your DD’s and therefore missed out on another event? I’m assuming that wasn’t the case fortunately. I’d be inclined to call the parents again and apologise, perhaps suggesting that you were rash with the decision and didn’t think of the impact it may have had on their daughters and any plans they had. Some may say OTT as it’s done and dusted but personally I’d feel a bit shit about myself. Perhaps you could raise it at the soft play (which I hope you’re paying for Wink)

Only thing is if you kept the party at home then you probably would have had to let the non RSVPers in! Oh the dilemmas....Confused

MollyDaydream · 31/03/2018 20:36

I would have been pretty surprised if you invited my dc to a party and cancelled because it wasn't worth bothering if only they and one other were coming. That was rude!

3 other families were rude not to rsvp.

Viviennemary · 31/03/2018 20:38

Don't feel guilty about the ones who didn't reply. But I think you should have gone ahead with some sort of activity for the children who did reply and accept . It was a bit mean cancelling IMHO.

Orangecake123 · 31/03/2018 20:38

I would assume no reply was not coming either.

PattiStanger · 31/03/2018 20:38

What did they say when you explained? Were they at all apologetic about no RSVPing?

MarthasGinYard · 31/03/2018 20:39

I'd have just taken the other 2 to Build a Bear. Was a shame to cancel them.

I wouldn't worry about non RSVP'ers though

AJPTaylor · 31/03/2018 20:45

next year arrange party clear of hols. dd2 is early sept bday. we learnt to book het party for 3rd week in sept.

Original poster
Glittered · 31/03/2018 20:46

I think they sounded embarrassed when they found out it wasn't going ahead
One was really apologetic and said it's her fault she should have text me and suggested we arrange a play date
To be honest all 3 were basically like that and apologetic.
Maybe they never rsvp and usually it's ok and there's a party
I'm not intentionally rude
But after reading a lot of the replies I certainly feel that way now
👌👍
I'll make it up to those 2 children some how but I told them at least 24 hours in advance

OP posts:
sockunicorn · 31/03/2018 20:48

@Glittered as others have said (and you have addressed) i think its bad manners to cancel on the 2 that said yes. I would be offended. Also you say "their mums were lovely about it". Of course they were - they are good mannered. That doesnt mean they were ok with it. I wouldnt be. I would act perfectly fine but be very put out. A gift would have been bought, an excited child on my hands and my day arranged.

In regards to the ones on your door step - GOOD! I hold 2 childrens parties a year for my DDs, mostly with between 15-30 kids and its a MAJOR bugbear of mine how rude people are with RSVPs. I have never understood why, if you say "RSVP by 29th" you get replies on 29th! Confused. why?! its like they literally write that date down to reply on, rather than just replying! then theres the non-conformists who reply a day late (im pretty sure its just to prove a point). then theres the ones who dont RSVP. I always feel like turning them away and dream of having someone on the door with a guest list ticking people who replied off and telling them to do one. (However I would never do that to children!). Maybe in future they will know to reply, you did the world a favour.

LoniceraJaponica · 31/03/2018 20:50

"Yes I want to know what you said to the 3 that showed up and they’re response!"

So do I. I would have said something like "since you didn't reply I assumed you weren't coming"

Original poster
Glittered · 31/03/2018 20:54

I literally said I'm sorry but you didn't say you were coming so I assumed you weren't and the one mum said oh I just assumed it was ok

OP posts:
Hygge · 31/03/2018 21:02

OP you've done everyone a favour.

Those parents will definitely reply to invitations from now on.

Iloveacurry · 31/03/2018 21:05

You did nothing wrong, they didn’t reply so you assume they’re not coming!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 31/03/2018 21:13

Why did you cancel ? You should have at least taken the other two to build a bear.
I would have taken the other two out for bear as well - but regarding the ones standing at your door - entirely their own fault.

As you say - takes no time at all to say yes or no to a party.

Original poster
Glittered · 31/03/2018 21:21

I don't have the money for build a bear for 3 kids!

OP posts:
ineedabagformyhippo · 31/03/2018 21:31

It was really rude to cancel the two who were coming!

Original poster
Glittered · 31/03/2018 21:34

I think we've gathered that

OP posts:
MollyDaydream · 31/03/2018 21:35

You could have just had a little tea party at home.

Original poster
Glittered · 31/03/2018 21:38

In hindsight yes
But all these people love to hate on these threads so at least I've given some users an excuse to have a go tonight

OP posts:
BackforGood · 31/03/2018 21:42

Oh dear! I would definitely have phoned/found parents on pickup to check for sure if they were coming or not, as we have had children turn up in the past that we didn't hear back from.

Glittered clearly stated in her OP that she didn't have contact details for the other parents - why not read the whole of the OP before posting ??

I agree with most - don't have any sympathy for the ones who turned up without replying. Indeed, maybe you have done a great service for future hosts in that it might cross their minds to reply to future invitations.
However - as you have already conceded, it wasn't really fair on the ones who were coming to cancel the party. You could have gone ahead with those who were there although as said above, as it turns out, it was quite good you were out, when the non-repliers turned up.

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