Cancelled dds party aibu?

[Glittered]

So I feel really shitty.
It's dds 6th birthday tomorow. I always knew it would be awkward falling on Easter weekend so 2 weeks ago we sent invites out to 6 school friends plus 2 cousins
The party was supposed to be today at our house.
A few days after invites 2 friends said they are coming.
Since then another mum told me they will be away on holiday.
Then earlier this week her 2 cousins came down with chicken pox so that's them out.
The other 3 never got back to me.
I put my address and number on invites and asked for rsvp by 29th (last day of school)
So yesterday her dad and me felt it a bit pointless having a party for only dd and 2 friends
We offered to take dd to build a bear instead she was ok with this and I phoned the other 2 mums who said they are coming and said sorry but we are cancelling
They were fine about it and the one wants to meet up for a play date in the holidays
So then today we went out I got phone calls from the other 3 who were standing at my door but if just assumed weren't coming?
I feel awful.
I could literally cry but I'm also angry I mean how hard is it to just send a yes or no text???
Should I feel bad about this? Or is it on them??
I always rsvp.
If her cousins hadn't got chicken pox I would have had the party as that would at least be 5 kids coming
I didn't have the contact details for the parents who did not rsvp

Tbh I wouldn’t worry about the people that didn’t rsvp

But I think it was downright rude to cancel the 2 that could make it!! My daughter would be so upset about having a party cancelled because it’s only a couple of kids going even with a crappy 24hrs notice (like that makes it better) , like she’s not good enough! Or not worth the effort.
And of course I would be nice on the phone, wouldn’t stop me thinking you were rude or my daughter being upset so that I have to then make it up to her.

You should of done something smaller with the 2 or took them to build a bear as well, if you can afford pizza and the cinema then a couple of extra bears at £15 odd each isn’t much different. I presume your going to pay the entrance fee for the ‘playdate’ next week and not make them pay for themselves since you cancelled.

If they didnt rsvp, how the hell were you supposed to know they were coming. You were not in the wrong here.

I wouldn't have cancelled but also definitely have no sympathy for those that didn't rsvp!

I've ended up "cancelling" DS's party in the past because it fell badly against Easter and no one was avaliable. One set of people could come, so I let them know that it wasn't a "party" any more and just welcome to come over. Fortunately DS was young enough not to know any better.

I have so much more difficulty with the Easter birthday than the one within days of Christmas. The Christmas one, I know will have people busy breakfasting with Santa etc, but also it's close enough that some of the pre-Christmas events are dying down and I can get a consistent number from year to year. The Easter birthday is so hit and miss as people go away and it can be last minute with the weather or the birthday may fall off Easter and get a high turnout.

Cancelling like that wasn't ideal but it's easy to panic and focus on trying to save the day for your DC. It may be worth having a plan B for a small number for future years.

They were unreasonable not to rsvp but you should not have cancelled the two.
Ok so build a bear too expensive for two but sure you could have done something else nice.

Sorry off answred

But how come no contact details?

How did you get invites to them?

Plus if at same school school, there’s always the class list.

I have attached don't have contact details or a class list for most of the parents at my children's school. They either hand out invites themselves or I give them to the parent in the playground.

We don't have class lists
And to be quite frank why should anyone be chasing non rsvps?
I've heard enough about it now.
I'm sure your all so perfect you have never made any mistakes
Thank you to the others though

Why?

Because people are rude.
But damn it if I’m going to allow rude people to ruin my DD’s birthday party.
I’d suck up my own thoughts and have contacted them if I had had the class list.

To be honest you need to try and make your peace with no replies, every year i hold a joint party for my girls and out of the two classes invited so approx 60 kids id get a response from 15 tops! and yet on the day we have 40-50 turn up lol The first time it was horrible worrying that hardly anyone wanted to come but when they did i realised most people just dont seem to bother replying and i dont know why.

OP I think you made a mistake saying you cancelled the two who did reply. You didn't cancel you rearranged for a time that was more convenient (and could include the child who was on holiday). Unfortunately I think the word "cancelled" has got you in more hot water than you deserve.

As for the ones who didn't reply - good. I've always had a secret desire to deliberately do this to non-RSVPers.

You haven't really cancelled. You've rearranged which is fine. You gave a day's notice to those that had bothered to rsvp. Will the cousins be over the chicken pox so that they can attend too?

I like the idea up thread from a poster who says she doesn't give the location on the invitation so if people want to come they have to contact her.

I actually don't feel as if I am in any hot water..i have spoken again with the mum's I cancelled on and they are happy to rearrange when the 3rd gets back off holiday so all happy there
Apprently these are the same mum's that never rsvp to any party's and the 3 who wanted to come say may be they have learnt their lesson now.
So thanks to the many who called me rude etc I'm going back to enjoying my daughters day with her now
Happy Easter to all.
Ps I noticed there are 80 or more replies on here but not one has admitted to being a non resvp parent 🤔

I actually don't feel as if I am in any hot water

I meant on here OP. Not in real life. I was supporting you.

OP, I agree non-RSVPers are incredibly annoying.
What I've learnt over time is to

• put an RSVP date on the invites that is before the date I actually need to know
• in the day or 2 before the RSVP date casually mention to parents that I've not had a reply (once your DC is older, you can get them to nag their friends!)
• The day after the RSVP date chase everyone
• If you don't see parents and/or don't have contact details for them and/or it's a school holiday, then start the chasing process earlier! A note saying "if Idon't hear from you by x date, I'll assume you're not coming" can go into their DC's book bag failing all else.

Yes, you shouldn't have to chase, but some people genuinely forget /life takes over/ the invite is lost en-route and never received and it's much better for your peace of mind! I have to say I've never had a child turn up that hadn't RSVPed, so think you were incredibly unlucky to have 3.

To make you feel a bit better this problem goes away when they get older, and tend to invite best friends only so you tend to have their parents' phone numbers. Plus your child is more pro-active in finding out if their friend can come! Age 6 is probably peak worst time.

My dd birthday is right at the start if summer hols, so parties seem to have gone off the menu for her. At her last 'party' 4 years ago I had sent out invites (before school broke up ) and 90% had rsvpd. Spoke to patents few days before to double check attendance, and all still coming. fast forward to her birthday and only one bloody friend turned up! All that food, gifts for prizes gone to waste! And one very tearful dd. Apparently these parents had forgotten about the party, and a couple even forgot that they were going abroad! I bloody hate birthday parties. And Parents. People in general now we take a few friends out to cinema or gullivers. At least you re-arranged op. I'm afraid I wouldn't have the patience, nor the inclination. Party ruining cf

I get annoyed when people can't be bothered to RSVP. As others have said it's basic good manners.

For a DC of six, it probably wouldn’t be a problem having just a couple of children round. But for slightly older children it could be quite embarrassing if only a couple of friends bother to show up. I have cancelled a party when most parents didn’t bother to RSVP because I didn’t want DC to feel embarrassed and unpopular. Next time their parents did bother to reply!

Do not feel bad, those parents were stupid.

Hope your dd had a great day anyway.

There's always some parents who don't RSVP - yes its rude but chasing them isn't the biggest deal in the world so that you know what's going on with your DD's party. It might have meant notes in school bags - just like the invite, making it clear that no RSVP would mean you were assuming they were'nt coming.

Not your fault they were left on the doorstep, but I'd put sorting out the party first. When DD was in primary I ended up refusing to invite kids who's parents didn't RSVP as the hassle was too much. It all catches up with them in the end.

I can't see that you were in the wrong, OP. It's such bad manners not to RSVP. My dd has the same situation now - a lot of invitations have gone out for little Gdd's party, and quite a few haven't bothered to reply. She'll be going ahead anyway, since she knows enough will be coming, but it's v annoying not to know numbers in advance.

Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to add to the RSVP on invitations, Please note, if we receive no reply by x date, we will assume that you are unable to come.

Personally I would have taken the ones who'd replied out for the day (either to Build a Bear or some other treat type thing); if the numbers were too small for a party why couldn't they have been included in whatever the alternative celebration was? That was a bit thoughtless, tbh.
The ones who showed up without bothering to rsvp could go hang.

Back in the Olden Days invitations had tear-off slips on the bottom to send RSVPs, I solemnly sent these back time after time, only to discover they had disappeared in the hell that is the bottom of an Infant's book bag. Either my own child's or the little friend's. Also at least once I verbally told the lady picking up the birthday child that we were looking forward to coming - but either granny or auntie or possibly Nanny forgot to pass it on. So, don't forget, communications about parties and other stuff at age 4-7 level can go wrong in both directions. All of us have found the scrumpled tatty invitation to something that happened last week jammed in a corner at least once!

Definitely wouldn't have cancelled! They'd have had a great time even if you just took them to Pizza Hut and let them loose on the ice cream factory!

Also my reading of OP was that the two surviving friends and their mums were happy to be rearranged for a fun thing later in the holiday when friend 3 was back? Sounds like a great solution OP.