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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cancelled dds party aibu?

154 replies

Glittered · 31/03/2018 19:20

So I feel really shitty.
It's dds 6th birthday tomorow. I always knew it would be awkward falling on Easter weekend so 2 weeks ago we sent invites out to 6 school friends plus 2 cousins
The party was supposed to be today at our house.
A few days after invites 2 friends said they are coming.
Since then another mum told me they will be away on holiday.
Then earlier this week her 2 cousins came down with chicken pox so that's them out.
The other 3 never got back to me.
I put my address and number on invites and asked for rsvp by 29th (last day of school)
So yesterday her dad and me felt it a bit pointless having a party for only dd and 2 friends
We offered to take dd to build a bear instead she was ok with this and I phoned the other 2 mums who said they are coming and said sorry but we are cancelling
They were fine about it and the one wants to meet up for a play date in the holidays
So then today we went out I got phone calls from the other 3 who were standing at my door but if just assumed weren't coming?
I feel awful.
I could literally cry but I'm also angry I mean how hard is it to just send a yes or no text???
Should I feel bad about this? Or is it on them??
I always rsvp.
If her cousins hadn't got chicken pox I would have had the party as that would at least be 5 kids coming
I didn't have the contact details for the parents who did not rsvp

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 31/03/2018 19:48

Very poor form to cancel the 2 friends that did reply, you could have had a little party at home, or taken to MacDonalds or something.

purpleme12 · 31/03/2018 19:48

Of course you were not obligated to take the others build a bear it is expensive. I just can't really get why you couldn't still have the party

lonelymelissa · 31/03/2018 19:48

Very rude of the other parents not to RSVP.

Maybe a little bit rude to cancel, not just for your dd's sake but also for the two children who did reply. This happened to me once, just two at a party, but I thought of a few more suitable things to do and all was well. I hope the other children don't think they weren't good enough to come, as if their presence wasn't good enough for your daughter to have a nice time - in a way it was punishing the children whose parents did respond, because of the rude ones. The other option would have been to change activities, maybe the cinema, go for a pizza and so on. But hope your daughter had a nice time, the "polite" children not offended and as for those who did not reply, don't give them a second thought!!

BoomBoomsCousin · 31/03/2018 19:49

It was rude of the three not to RSVP, but it’s also well known that people don’t, so to not have contacted them to confirm and then to go out is also a little bit rude (though I am secretly glad that some non-RSVPers get their comeuppance!). But I think cancelling the two who’d said they’d come rather than arranging a different type of activity was really rude. Especially for 6 year olds who tend to get quite excited about parties.

PuppyMonkey · 31/03/2018 19:51

Think this is a valuable lesson for the numpties who didn’t reply one way or the other.

But tbh I’d also have just carried on with the party for the two friends and your DD - they’d probably have had a lovely time.

category12 · 31/03/2018 19:51

Cancelling the party was odd (and a bit rude) when you had 2 coming. The non-RSVPers got what they deserved.

SilverySurfer · 31/03/2018 19:52

I saw a brilliant solution to the problem of people not RSVPing (which is extremely bad manners): Send out invitations minus location details, which is subsequently only sent to those who reply yes. It means you don't have people who rudely turn up even though they have not responded which may mean you incur more costs if not held at home and you won't run out of party bags etc.

Good luck next year

upsideup · 31/03/2018 19:53

Well you didnt have to go to build a bear, you could of just had the original party or a playdate at home with the other two kids.
What about the other plans they had said no to, the time and money they had put into getting your dd a present and how excited their children had been?
What you did to the other 2 parents IMO is just as rude if not more rude than the 3 parents who didnt RVSP

Lovemusic33 · 31/03/2018 19:53

I would have gone ahead with the 2 that said they could come, you could have taken them out to the cinema or lunch?

I agree about build a bear, it’s too expensive to take other children but you could have done something else.

Highhorse1981 · 31/03/2018 19:54

I would never ever have cancelled the two that were coming. Ever.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/03/2018 19:56

I wouldn't highhorse, unless it was illness, extremely rude of the op. She could have done a little birthday tea and a couple of games. Just as rude as the non repliers.

wurlie · 31/03/2018 19:56

Given that it was a party at home I wouldn't have cancelled tbh, not really fair on the children who were coming who presumably would have been excited, and not fair on the parents who would have planned their day around it and bought a present.

However tough shit for those who didn't RSVP - it's not difficult and hopefully will have taught them a lesson.

killinginthenameof · 31/03/2018 19:57

Sorry but your etiquette in cancelling the two children who were going to come was every bit as rude as the parents who didn't rsvp

Original poster
Glittered · 31/03/2018 20:01

We have arranged a play date at soft play next week with the ones who were coming plus the one who wanted to come but is on holiday

OP posts:
Nocabbageinmyeye · 31/03/2018 20:02

I wouldn't feel one bit bad about the three that showed up, I would be interested to know what you/they said when they called you?

I would have done something with the other two to be honest. Cinema or something, or at least asked them over for tea and cake during the week

feelingoodinspring · 31/03/2018 20:04

That sounds nice OP Smile

Iceweasel · 31/03/2018 20:04

YABVU to cancel, but you could have changed plans if there were only two kids coming.

Other parents were unreasonable to not RSVP. They were not to know if the party was going ahead (your child could have been ill or there could have been a family emergency), or if you were planning around confirmed numbers.

diddl · 31/03/2018 20:05

"We have arranged a play date at soft play next week with the ones who were coming plus the one who wanted to come but is on holiday"

So more postponed than cancelled?

snewsname · 31/03/2018 20:05

Well it might teach them to reply to the next invites. I think it's great - unless it impacts on your dd at school.

MadMags · 31/03/2018 20:05

Are you paying for the soft play? Will she have a cake?

diddl · 31/03/2018 20:06

I do wonder if some people think that RSVP means "only reply if declining"?

gillybeanz · 31/03/2018 20:10

I'd have taken the 2 that accepted to build a bear, rather than cancel.
I wouldn't feel guilty to those who didn't reply though, but would have sent a text confirming that as they hadn't responded you presumed they weren't coming, so have cancelled the party.
I feel sorry for the kids, it's not their fault their parents CBA

whiskybysidedoor · 31/03/2018 20:16

Honestly I think you sent the invites a little late for Easter weekend. You’ve then been way too passive in chasing up the rsvps for that short notice. I think you could have tried a bit harder to make it work.

To then cancel the kids who could come was pretty rude. What are they gonna do with the card and gift?

I’m so sorry you feel bad and I hate making it worse but it’s a bit like you didn’t really want to have the party anyway & self sabotaged a bit.

It will all be forgotten soon so don’t beat yourself up. But next time if you are going to have a party commit to having the party! Yes it’s a hassle but don’t just sit and wait for disaster, make it work.

MumofBoysx2 · 31/03/2018 20:21

Oh dear! I would definitely have phoned/found parents on pickup to check for sure if they were coming or not, as we have had children turn up in the past that we didn't hear back from. It it were me I would arrange another get-together for all the original invitees and take them to build-a-bear/pottery club or similar.

OneStepSideways · 31/03/2018 20:30

I think you should have taken the 2 who were attending to build a bear, or somewhere cheaper. It's quite rude to cancel a party to do something exclusively with your child! The others were probably excited and parents may have cancelled other events so they could attend. Or arranged to do something child-free. Always best to honour a commitment like a party, even if it ends up more a play date like cake. I'd only cancel for illness.

The ones who didn't RSVP shouldn't have just turned up. Though it's best to contact all of the invitees when cancelling, IME lots don't decide until the day.

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