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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cancelled dds party aibu?

154 replies

Glittered · 31/03/2018 19:20

So I feel really shitty.
It's dds 6th birthday tomorow. I always knew it would be awkward falling on Easter weekend so 2 weeks ago we sent invites out to 6 school friends plus 2 cousins
The party was supposed to be today at our house.
A few days after invites 2 friends said they are coming.
Since then another mum told me they will be away on holiday.
Then earlier this week her 2 cousins came down with chicken pox so that's them out.
The other 3 never got back to me.
I put my address and number on invites and asked for rsvp by 29th (last day of school)
So yesterday her dad and me felt it a bit pointless having a party for only dd and 2 friends
We offered to take dd to build a bear instead she was ok with this and I phoned the other 2 mums who said they are coming and said sorry but we are cancelling
They were fine about it and the one wants to meet up for a play date in the holidays
So then today we went out I got phone calls from the other 3 who were standing at my door but if just assumed weren't coming?
I feel awful.
I could literally cry but I'm also angry I mean how hard is it to just send a yes or no text???
Should I feel bad about this? Or is it on them??
I always rsvp.
If her cousins hadn't got chicken pox I would have had the party as that would at least be 5 kids coming
I didn't have the contact details for the parents who did not rsvp

OP posts:
Flyingpompom · 02/04/2018 13:38

OP, you've done nothing wrong, don't feel bad.

Where do people live that they have a 'class list'? I've never heard of such a thing and I've worked in many schools. It would absolutely contravene data protection rules as far as I know.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 02/04/2018 16:45

They're usually organised by the class rep, not the school itself, Flying, and so are (obviously ) optional.

Serialweightwatcher · 02/04/2018 16:49

It's not your fault really, but I would have kept it at the 2 who were coming initially and let them play and eat etc ... I suppose those 2 were disappointed also when it got cancelled

halcyondays · 02/04/2018 16:54

You shouldn't have cancelled, two were coming and usually at least half of those of don't reply do turn up.

Urubu · 02/04/2018 17:32

@SofiaAmes
Fair enough, some people have difficult/busy lives. But then you don't come to the party if you didn't answer!
Also I could see where you were coming from until your last comment:
I don't understand why you couldn't have made sure you got the contact information for all the parents and double checked with them. It was only 3 families
So too much work for the invitee to send a rsvp text (15sec) but reasonable for OP to find out contact info for 3 families (how? school won't always give this) and chase them Hmm

SleepyBadger · 02/04/2018 17:39

People who don’t rsvp shouldn’t just turn up...it’s not hard to send a yes/no text it doesn’t take long! Makes me mad! We had a similar issue as our daughter’s birthday party was planned over the Easter weekend too. Sent 10 invites to Nursery friends only 4 replied yes then on the day only 2 of those actually showed up (no texts from the parents in advance)...luckily we had friends children and cousins etc who were invited too so still had enough kids to make it an enjoyable party for DD. Organising kids parties can be unnecessarily stressful I don’t think we’ll be doing that next year and do an outing with a few friends invited instead of a big party

SofiaAmes · 02/04/2018 18:04

But the OP was trying to do a nice party for her dd and as such had a larger obligation than the invitees because it was her dd. In my opinion, in that circumstance it's not reasonable to say well I'm ok cancelling a party for my dd because everyone else didn't do their job. I get it if the OP just couldn't manage it herself (I've cancelled a few parties over the years because I was overwhelmed), but it's not really quite fair to blame it on everyone else. That doesn't excuse the lack of rsvp's, but it's a reality of today's too busy world and I think one should plan for it (hand invites out early enough that you can chase up the other parents when they don't rsvp).

Original poster
Glittered · 02/04/2018 20:45

The party I did last year was a pony riding party at the stables. They had 1 hours riding grooming etc and then 1 hour of games and hot food
They had the most lovely time. It cost us a small fortune though but was worth it to see how happy they were.
My dd is horse mad and this was why we did it.
Back then I put the invites out 3 weeks before and every.single.one rsvps in less than 24 hours.
One mum even had the balls to actually say oh I've always wanted to see My dd riding so she will definatly be there.
I remember smiling and saying great but thinking you cheeky cow so your only coming coz it's something like that 😮
So what I'm saying is I didn't need to chase anyone at all. But when it's a low key party at a house no one puts in as much effort? Says a lot really.

OP posts:
Mayhemmumma · 02/04/2018 20:51

I think it was really rude to cancel on the two who were coming, they'd have made arrangements, bought a present and the children were probably excited.

My 6yo DD would have been gutted if i cancelled her party! 2 friends is enough for cake and party games!

Glittered · 02/04/2018 20:57

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Glittered · 02/04/2018 21:09

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Mayhemmumma · 02/04/2018 21:38

Eh? but you asked!! It was rude, the two friends did rsvp but you decided to have a nice day at build-a-bear instead of host the party for them.

If someone asked me in real life, I'd defintely tell them not to cancel.

Glittered · 02/04/2018 21:49

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Mayhemmumma · 02/04/2018 21:53

Ok well in answer to your question, in my opinion you were being unreasonable to cancel! Don't ask the question if you only want one reply.

Fortybingowings · 02/04/2018 21:57

I don’t think you were wrong to cancel. They were rude not to reply.
Ignore the nasty replies above. People seem to get a kick from being like this on AIBU. It is quite sad.

Original poster
Glittered · 02/04/2018 21:57

Well thankyou that much better than personally attacking someone

OP posts:
Juiceylucy09 · 02/04/2018 21:58

I probably wouldn't have cancelled and waited it out. I had a DC Birthday party recently 16 invitations no RSVP, they all turned up. I always reply but I know lots of parents forget too, I was surprised.

Coco134 · 02/04/2018 22:02

You really think people wouldn’t tell you to your face ?
I would! You say people couldn’t be bothered to put the effort in when it’s low key yet you bloody cancelled on the ones that did make the effort! People are calling you rude because it’s true not because there immature.
Get a grip, and I’d say it all to your face that it’s rude.

Fijisky · 02/04/2018 22:07

The poor kids you cancelled on. How disappointing for them that they were making the effort for your low key party but you couldn’t be bothered to host.

Fijisky · 02/04/2018 22:08

Also if you asked.. like you have on this thread.. I’d also tell you that you were rude to cancel on those poor kids.

Juiceylucy09 · 02/04/2018 22:08

Most would say it to your face, why wouldn't they.

All parents should have been contacted about the cancellation.

purpleme12 · 02/04/2018 22:13

Erm why would she contact the people who haven't replied about the cancellation? Of course if they don't reply you assume they're not coming. Nothing wrong about that.

Glittered · 02/04/2018 22:42

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MyMagicStars · 02/04/2018 22:49

I would have taken the girls out- and ignored the other mothers. It's completely rude not to send a text, and perhaps they'll learn that it's better to spend thirty seconds replying than waste thirty minutes or more by taking things for granted.

pasanda · 03/04/2018 08:07

If that had happened to a friend of mine, and I had been the one she cancelled on, I wouldn't have minded one bit OP.
You had clearly planned a party at home, which usually involves party games that need more than 3 children. It just wouldn't have worked with so few.
I would understand and feel angry on your behalf with the people who hadn't replied and therefore caused you to have to cancel.
OP yanbu and I go one don't think you have been 'rude' HmmConfused