To ask you to please help me keep my kids safe.

[Happyland8]

I'm going to Spain this summer for a family wedding. DH was supposed to be coming but work commitments now mean that I'll be going alone with my 4 year old and 1 year old (she'll be 2 when we go).

We will be staying at a shared villa with a pool. I'm feeling extremely anxious about the whole trip. I had a situation when DD2 was 2 where I was at a family gathering. I went upstairs to the toilet at my siblings house and someone there went out the front door and left it open and i came back down and found DD in the middle of a busy road and in all honesty, i feel so worried now unless DH & I are both there so that one of us can watch the kids at all times.

I'm worried about the swimming pool and the risk of either of them falling in without anyone noticing, I'm worried that while I'm helping one child, something awful could happen to the other. It's not possible for me to have my eyes on both children every second of every minute of every day and the people in my villa are all extremely laid back parents. I'm just so nervous about the whole situation.

Does anyone have any helpful, practical safety tips that may be useful?

I'm very grateful for any help. Thank you.

I brought up my DC overseas and we always had pools. They are dangerous and we were always very careful but I can’t understand why posters sound quite so fearful of them. What about all the other hazards that kids can face such as busy roads, stairs, ovens, knives, dogs etc etc. Why is a pool so much worse. Pools are dangerous, so you take precautions, it’s not complicated. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It never crossed our minds not to have a pool. They are brilliant fun especially if you live somewhere warm.

I think having your own pool at home, where you can plan your own safety precautions, is less difficult than in a holiday home where you have limited scope to make changes. Also a group holiday where others may ignore your safety rules, eg leaving doors open, is much harder. And your kids not being used to the pool and the safety rules on holiday.

I think I read that in the US having a home swimming pool is more likely to kill your child than having a gun at home?

OP if you are going down the flotation aid route do research which are actually able to stop your child sinking, and test in a pool. I bought a suit with inbuilt floats for a holiday in a resort that had a pool, and it wouldn't have made any difference if my child had fallen in, they would still sink straight away. Also flotation devices can give the child a false sense of confidence, the first time we went swimming without armbands my child launched themselves in and went straight under and i had to pull them out . So be sure to get one that will actually make a difference, and then be consistent about the child wearing it.

What about all the other hazards that kids can face such as busy roads, stairs, ovens, knives, dogs etc etc. Why is a pool so much worse. Pools are dangerous, so you take precautions, it’s not complicated. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I stand at the front door and lock at as people go in and out because we live on a busy road.My almost 4 yo still sits in the buggy and my almost 6 year old had only stopped being on the buggy board in the last 2months. None are in the kitchen with the oven on - in fact when we lived in an open plan flat all dinners were cooked on the hob or in a slow cooker. All knives live in a box on the work surface and have done for 5 years. My parents have a dopey English Setter and we don't take the baby there much because she is frightened. I insisted my parents filled in the pond after ds2 fell in it 3 times in 2 weeks.

All our neighbours had young children and pools in the garden. No drownings is as pointless as saying “All our neighbours had cars and never crashed them”. It’s a matter of circumstances/luck.
In our small town I know of at least four incidents in the past few years where a small child has drowned in a private pool. I know of others who have drowned in busy public pools. Drowning happens quickly and silently.

Are you for fucking real MrsKoala ????

Don’t go or stay somewhere else without a pool. Swimming lessons won’t work, keeping the pool locked won’t work if you are sharing with laid back people. I speak as an LP. I used to make sure I only took short holidays and was shattered when I got back. It is much harder keeping them safe in unfamiliar circumstances

Op I went to an overseas wedding alone with my four year old. It wasn't relaxing but was doable - only allowed near the pool with me, I took lots of little toys to entertain him (pencil cases of dinosaurs, small animals, wipe clean puzzle cards, tablet with films etc on).

I'd say, plan each day into sections, e.g. morning activity with a snack break, lunch, afternoon nap, afternoon activity. Even if the four year old doesn't nap it's worth scheduling in some quiet time.

Treat each day like a military exercise and you'll feel more in control.

Good luck!

It’s doable with one - not with two. The op has two kids...

Well i think i am. not sure what your shocked face is for?

Are the people you are staying with that ambivalent to your children's lives?

If they are and you feel obliged to go then just keep your dc close to you.

I made mine talk or sing to me when I couldn't see them.

Hopefully you will all have a lovely time.

I had a lightweight portable Stairgate.

Strapping youngest in pushchair. Or both of them. Reins. For both. Taking both of them to the bathroom with you. Four year old is strapped in buggy while you nappy change two year old. Four year old has a special buggy toy as a bribe. Or sweets etc. Reins over buggy straps Stop escaping.

I took mine on holiday with another adult who was not capable of looking after them. Not fun. At least we did not have a pool. Did go to the beach but that was limited.

What about all the other hazards that kids can face such as busy roads, stairs, ovens, knives, dogs etc etc. Why is a pool so much worse. Pools are dangerous, so you take precautions, it’s not complicated.

Knives and oven my kids can't avcess, the oven switch is too high for them to turn on, the sharp knives too high up.

Stairs - obviously I take precautions with a stair gate, but the most likely outcome of my 2 year old falling on the stairs is a bad bump and I'll hear the fall and come help. Of course can have a more serious injury, but unlikely to kill them. A fall into a swimming pool will likely be silent and result in drowning.

Dogs, busy road - I wouldn't choose to holiday next to a busy road or with
dogs in the same villa. Obviously we do encounter these out and about where I can watch my kids. Just as a swimming pool in a resort or behind a fence where I'd supervise my kids when we go to the pool area is fine.

What's difficult for op here is that the swimming pool is in her villa and, as far as she knows, not gated. So unless the others on the holiday are going to be vigilant with shutting doors/ a baby gate on the door her kids could go outside to the pool if they are not watched for a minute.

Kids drown quietly "silent drowning". Some scary videos on YouTube where kids almost drown with adults next to them oblivious. They often don't thrash around or shout. You need to be consciously watching them in the water, and keeping them away from the pool so they don't fall in. Obviously can be done, but difficult for op to do with two kids if the other adults are more relaxed and perhaps making it harder for her, eg leaving the door to garden open or distracting her.

Btw we went to a hotel with a fenced pool and the fence had a gap underneath big enough for my crawling child to get under (and the fence would delay my climbing over to get them back!).

My parents have a dopey English Setter and we don't take the baby there much because she is frightened.

How about teach the baby not to be frightened of the dog?

I insisted my parents filled in the pond after ds2 fell in it 3 times in 2 weeks.

How about teach ds2 not to go near the pond?

Plus, obviously, supervise, supervise, supervise - which should be being done at that age anyway.

Swimming lessons for a 4 year old are useless in terms of making them safe and can be counterproductive. Plus some children just don't seem strong enough until they're older anyway so lessons are a bit of a waste of time.

She shakes with fear when she sees the dog - My parents wont put her away and think it's funny to let her jump up at everyone and take food off their plates and hands, like their faces etc. We take her to the park to get her used dogs but it's a really slow process and having this large uncontrolled dog jump in her face doesn't help.

We obviously did try to teach ds2 not to go near the pond but he was 18mo and we couldn't guarantee it. My parents are not good at supervising and wanted him overnight so i couldn't be sure they'd keep their eye on him and they have their back door open all summer. They also constantly forget to lock their front door and he used to wander out in the road.

It's all well and good saying 'how about just teach them not to open the door or go near a pond'. But it's not been that simple and i still wouldn't risk it.

DS1 still ran in the road twice last month and he's nearly 6. DS2 is now nearly 4 and ran in front of a car.

Perhaps i'm even more cautious now since ds2 fell out of an upstairs window 5m onto our drive when he was almost 2. It honestly was the worst experience of my life and i was convinced he was dead. It was a miracle he was unhurt. That happened because DH assumed i would realise he had opened the window and would shut it. But i didn't and DS2 fell thru it in front of my eyes. I still have sweats and tremors when i think of it and lay awake at night thinking what if. It really was just a split second. One minute everything was fine and then it suddenly wasn't.

Also DH can't swim so that is also stressful if we are near water.

I am going to get the dc swimming lessons this summer i think.

it looks like everyone has made useful suggestions
travel cots, reins, buoyancy jackets, alarms - the alarm sounds good as its pretty silent when a child slips under water.
I do agree that large groups can lead to everyone thinking someone else is watching the children and in the end no one is.

So you have done all your risk assessment and got some good suggestions

Good luck.

MrsKoala - if your parents are that bad at looking after your dc, I wouldn't be leaving them unsupervised with them, regardless of whether the pond is filled in or not.