To ask you to please help me keep my kids safe.

[Happyland8]

I'm going to Spain this summer for a family wedding. DH was supposed to be coming but work commitments now mean that I'll be going alone with my 4 year old and 1 year old (she'll be 2 when we go).

We will be staying at a shared villa with a pool. I'm feeling extremely anxious about the whole trip. I had a situation when DD2 was 2 where I was at a family gathering. I went upstairs to the toilet at my siblings house and someone there went out the front door and left it open and i came back down and found DD in the middle of a busy road and in all honesty, i feel so worried now unless DH & I are both there so that one of us can watch the kids at all times.

I'm worried about the swimming pool and the risk of either of them falling in without anyone noticing, I'm worried that while I'm helping one child, something awful could happen to the other. It's not possible for me to have my eyes on both children every second of every minute of every day and the people in my villa are all extremely laid back parents. I'm just so nervous about the whole situation.

Does anyone have any helpful, practical safety tips that may be useful?

I'm very grateful for any help. Thank you.

Isn’t there a water alarm you can get that they wear and if they come into contact with water it goes off? Have a google of that I’m sure there’s something.
Yes get 1 person and say to them, to watch if you can’t, when in a big group it’s often clear no ones watching as everyone’s assuming the other is.

hire a nanny so you can enjoy your time...

Wow Kimanda what on earth is your problem. Of course the army change plans - including cancelling leave. So do the police, if you are interested.
OP I think others are right in that once you accept you alone are responsible for them, it is actually safer than when 'everyone' is assuming they are 'with someone else'. If you do need to do something without them, then, as has also been suggested, you specifically hand responsibility to one specific person and get them to agree, verbally to watch them for that short time.
that said, now there is a 'space' in the villa, due to dh not going, I like the suggestion of taking a (responsible) friend to help you.

Maybe a little paddling pool for the 2 year old? Keep them out of the big pool.

Take lots of little treats ie sweeties or similar. Whenever you have to leave the room ask your four year old to stay inside or sit down or similar and say you will give them a treat if they are still there when you come back. Keep 2 year old with you at all times. Get both kids out of the pool if you have to get out.

Is Spanish Law not the same as French? There you have to have a lockable pool when not in use.

Not law in either country. We’ve hired villas with pools in both and none has had a lockable pool.

Being able to swim and being safe in water are NOT The same thing with such young children! The alarm in water bracelets sound great hopefully they're not easy for kids to remove?

Mountains this doesn't sound the sort of mum to pass the buck ffs

A float vest all the time

Try to make them wear 1 colour throughout the whole holiday. Then you know what to look for because it's one specific colour. In a sea of rainbow kids you'll know to specifically look for the light blue.

Get them used to holding your handbag strap. Your hands may not be free all the time but they need to know that they have to be holding onto your bag/jacket etc. If they fall/are pulled away you will feel it. I know this sounds really weird but I promise it gives you such peace of mind when you have your hands busy paying for things/on the phone/speaking to other people.

And I know this sounds so weird but if you have a favourite snack of theirs then they will come to you as soon as you shout for them no matter what they're occupied with. Kinda like a dog so always carry some sort of biscuit/sweet that they like.

Laughing at all the posters who are giving OP shit because the army won't let her husband go on holiday. Soldiers have been known to miss births, deaths and marriages do you really think they'll let someone go on holiday if they're needed to protect a whole country!!!!!!!!!

Those suggesting swimming lessons aren’t helpful, because all it will do is promote a false sense of confidence, which is when statistically, a drowning becomes more likely because the water isn’t feared and ability is over estimated.

We have a pool and I’ve only ever been stressed and anxious when we have guests - as like others have said, everyone assumes everyone else is looking out and monitoring.

We have strict rules in place and my dc have never gone against them. However, I do know that it’s easier to achieve over time and without the stress of people around, in a holiday mood. Instilling the importance of never going near the water without you is the only way, just not sure how doable that is in your case.

In your shoes OP I would not go. Pools can be deadly, and it takes seconds. I jumped in once to save a friends toddler who fell in their pool. It was only us and she fell in without a sound... terrifying.

I wouldn’t go op. It’ll be too stressful for you and you won’t get any break - it’s hard to look after a 2 and 4 year old in your own home alone, never mind one away with no home comforts and loads more risks. I’ve also seen a toddler slip into a pool - it’s silent and quick and no one would notice. It’s not worth the risk.

Of course not going is an option - are they holding a gun to your head to make you go? Presumably not.

In the nicest possible way, could people please not suggest I don't go. I have many reasons why I am going so not going isn't a solution for me. I just need advice, if that's okay? I'm so grateful for all of the suggestions thus far and have begun looking into them. I just need to keep my children as safe as I possibly can whilst I'm there.

I've just read through this thread and to be honest really don't think it will be as hard as you think. In the nicest possible way, do you think there's a chance that your anxiety is making you underestimate the other people who will be there. I've never, literally never met an adult who would fail to take on the responsibility 100% if, near a swimming pool, someone said 'can you watch the children while I pop to the loo please'.

I can’t suggest how you can keep them safe because I think it will be impossible and exhausting for you - hence why I would pull out if it were me. You’ll have to keep them in your eye sight at all times and make sure they can’t get out of the villa or wander off at night. It sounds like a nightmare set up. Can’t you leave the kids with family and go alone?

Agree with many other PPs that the life jackets are a good idea - when my parents had a pool at their villa, we made it the rule that both kids had to wear them all the time, even at lunch, and they were similar ages to yours then. We also used swimming costumes with floats in for DD - I think we got them from Amazon.

You sound like you're thinking of every eventuality, and will be hyper-vigilant. I'm sure you will surprise yourself with how well you cope, even if it seems terrifying at the moment.

In the nicest possible way there is not a way to keep two such young children safe on a holiday in a pool with a villa.

Don't be silly Vivien. With that mentality "there's no way you can keep two young children safe on a beach", "there's no way you can keep two young children safe in a house on a main road". It's a house in Spain with a pool the OP's suggesting, not a week in Syria or a minefield.

OP Id get some of those safe turtle devices mentioned upthread, take a playpen and go. No reason why you can't keep your kids safe and have a good time.

If you can have someone come along, that would be my first choice. Will there be relatives there who might be willing to help out?

If not, there are door alarms you can buy that emit a loud screech when a door is opened. I'd buy a few of them to take along and put on the doors to the villa. That way you'd know when a door is opened.

Our 2 year old son learned to unlock and open our front door (including the dead bolt!) and we didn't realize it until he got out when we weren't looking. We ended up having to install a bolt 6.5 ft up on the door so he couldn't reach it!

www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?tag=mumsnetforum-21&url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=hotel+door+alarms

I wouldn’t go but I understand that you feel you have to. The other option is paying for a cheap B&B nearby so you don’t have the worry. Two little ones, one parent, unknown people possibly leaving doors open, swimming pool....nope. Just nope. It’s not worth the risk. Take somebody else with you in DHs place? A friend, parent etc there is no way to advise you to keep them safe because it’s not going to be 100% possible in the situation you describe unless you keep both children on reins and with you at all times. Where you go, both go.

I think that you just have to share your worries about your children with others in your family who are going to the wedding. its the only thing to do really.. Others will hopefully know about your worries with two small children, and any of your concerns etc. It sounds like a wedding in Spain will be lovely. and hope you will enjoy it all. Just prepare everything for you and your children's safety.

Hi, very practically I identify with what previous posters say that accidents often happen when both parents are there but don’t know who the designated ‘watcher’ is. I live in a hot country have a pool. Best idea is For the ‘lifeguard’ To be holding alife aid/Even a wooden spoon so that if you need to go to the bathroom or check on the bbq you say mum/husband/sister you are watching the pool while the kids are in it, pass them the “baton”. Or they even take a chair where they aren’t distracted by chatting to another person. Chatting/iPhone and supervising is a bad combination. Second, zero tolerance to misbehaviour around the pool so running (no running one more and you are out for the rest
Of the day) no pushing/horseplay or you are out for the rest of the day. Follow through and mean it, no exceptions. They will get the rules of the pool when they know it isn’t a joke. This was the fastest learning curve for mine (1 and 3 at the time). But at this age it is the adult who is ultimately responsible, when you Add it up Kids won’t spend 5 hours in the pool at that age. Go to the loo yourself before they get in, get both
Of them to go too (esp the 4 year old so the 2 year old is okay) delegate cooking get others to get you things. Proper life jackets where they flip over to face up if they fall in not the cheap life jackets (there is a difference). Today I had to rescue a kid
From a public water park pool out of their depth, parent wasn’t even in the pool with their nonswimming maybe 8? Year old? It was awful, he dragged his sister down with him she was really struggling. Second time this year the other was in my
Own house swimming teacher and life guard went to the loo I was delegated to watch and am trained in lifesaving and cpr and again, older
Kid didn’t see the graduated slope down to the deep end (he’d been told) and lost his footings literally 1.5
Inches above his mouth. Couldn’t swim
And started to float. It took no time. You are right
To take it seriously at this age. But you know this so it will be okay. You are better to be equipped yourself at these ages to know cpr, lifesaving make sure the house is as safe as it can be, playpen/coy for the 2 year old. Remember though
No holidays are relaxing with
These ages! Mine are older now and the fact they are respectful of water, ask ‘may I go in the pool’ do excellent front crawl and know how to look after their friends makes it worth the pain (but my blood pressure has never been the
Same)

I was in a similar situation to the OP. One day one of the children was suddenly sick and while I dealt with her the 2yo disappeared. We found him right by the deep end of the pool on his own.

I packed our bags and left straight way. I just couldn't keep them both safe.

So what if your husband is in the army? They would have known he was going to a family wedding, and he must have requested the leave (and had it approved,) because you said he WAS going before. Why are they 'deploying' him if plans have already been made?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Another vote, OP for the life jackets and door alarms.

It'll be okay OP, just not relaxing.

You'll need to be with your 2 year old all the time that's all. I'd consider taking a big lockable bike chain for the patio doors, so that you always know when the outside doors are being opened.

Make sure you and your 4 year old have been to the loo before going into the pool and take outside with you everything that you may potentially need for the duration, including water, nappies, snacks, toys, in case on of them gets bored.

I'd also take a portable DVD player in case there's no English tv so you can at least read your book whilst the youngest naps.

Have low expectations and then it's likely to be better than you've imagined!