To ask you to please help me keep my kids safe.

[Happyland8]

I'm going to Spain this summer for a family wedding. DH was supposed to be coming but work commitments now mean that I'll be going alone with my 4 year old and 1 year old (she'll be 2 when we go).

We will be staying at a shared villa with a pool. I'm feeling extremely anxious about the whole trip. I had a situation when DD2 was 2 where I was at a family gathering. I went upstairs to the toilet at my siblings house and someone there went out the front door and left it open and i came back down and found DD in the middle of a busy road and in all honesty, i feel so worried now unless DH & I are both there so that one of us can watch the kids at all times.

I'm worried about the swimming pool and the risk of either of them falling in without anyone noticing, I'm worried that while I'm helping one child, something awful could happen to the other. It's not possible for me to have my eyes on both children every second of every minute of every day and the people in my villa are all extremely laid back parents. I'm just so nervous about the whole situation.

Does anyone have any helpful, practical safety tips that may be useful?

I'm very grateful for any help. Thank you.

All these people say lock the doors or put alarms on them - she’s not staying the villa alone - the other people have to go in and out!

I wouldn’t put a life jacket on the 4 year old. They should be able to follow strict rules about the pool and putting a life jacket on them implies that it’s ok to go near the pool. Better to make it clear that they are not allowed apart from with you. Perhaps ask the 4 year old to help keep the toddler safe then you have lots of opportunities for talking about water safety.
As an aside, a four year old should definitely be learning how to swim. It is an essential life skill.

Have you checked with the holiday company to see if the pool is fenced/locked/alarmed?

We went to France some years ago and hired a villa with my sister and her family, and also.my parents. So 6 adults, my sisters dc who wee 2 and 4, and our dc who were 13 and 11.

The pool was completely fenced off and there was a lock which was very fiddly and high up, even my 11 year old couldn't manage it. So it was quite safe, my nieces didn't need to wear safety aids as they couldn't get access to the pool without an adult opening the gate. We stressed to my dc that they absolutely mustn't push/horseplay/duck their cousins and the holiday was fine. My sister and her husband were able to go out for days by themselves because there were 4 other adults to look after the children.

I appreciate you are very anxious about it but it may not be too bad. Who are you sharing the villa with? If it's other family members then presumably they will also be trying to ensure that your childten are safe.

Tbh I wouldn't stay there, not worth the risk. None of the suggestions on here are in anyway practical.

I would buy the swim vests already mentioned. And a wrist alarm for both dcs. And I would try and find the space and money for someone to come and help. A teenage family member or a nanny for the week. Or even see if there is a local nanny agency that can send someone for some of each day.

Tbh though it won't be much harder than any other beach/pool holiday with young dcs. Whenever we have been away with the dcs the hotel pool has been accessible from the bar area, play areas, dining areas, reception etc. Our last holiday ds (3) could have got to the pool from our terrace quite easily and lifeguards are only in duty when the pool is open.

It's not really the villa that is the problem it's the fact you have 2 small dcs and are away alone with them. And relying on others to do stuff like lock doors etc.

The odds are it will all be fine but you need to feel in control so some of these suggestions above are a great way to give you that control.

If the life vests are too restrictive and hot, I can massively recommend a swim fin
For each of them. Mine have been wearing them from under 1 year old and they are brilliant - kids love looking like sharks! The way they work, my one and two year olds end up standing up straight in deep water without bobbing forward. They are genius: [https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B001JQO25S/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1522570717&sr=8-2&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=swim+fin&dpPl=1&dpID=41zJBIQWHtL&ref=plSrch]

Take a booster seat for a chair. You can strap in either child to it at the table and they will be safe and comfortable if you need to deal with the other or go to the loo or prepare food.

If you have space for a travel cot or if there is one provided in the villa, move it downstairs and/or outside during the day. Safe space for the toddler to play in.

Call the villa company and check but it’s likely the pool has to be fenced and locked. Make sure you are clear with the other parents that your children can only go by the pool when you are with them.

Try and team up nap time for the baby with seriously active time for the older child so they are worn out and happy to stay still when you need to concentrate on a woken baby.

Don’t be afraid to rely on a cheap tablet if you don’t alresdy have them - kindle fire is always on offer. Load it up with favourite programmes and films and use it whenever needed.

You might be surprised - if you get these sorts of things in place, you might actually enjoy yourself.

Don't bother with arm bands or float suits, those things are dangerous and will do nothing to prevent drowning. We have US Coast guard approved kids speedo life jackets and I would teach them to float on their backs before you go. I think you can get good life jackets on Amazon.

Agree with pp that the key, on the rare occasions where you are not present, leave responsibility for the DCs with ONE person.The few times ive had near disasters is where I've vaguely announced to a group 'can everyone keep an eye on the DCs for 5 minutes'. Best plan is to find the most responsible adult (preferably one who has at least a recent memory of having toddlers!), stare them in the whites of their eyes and tell them exactly what you need them to do. Also agree with pp that I tend to be more 'on it' when DH isnt there , as I'm not assuming he's got it covered.

I think most people have been on holiday in 'risky' places with small DCs. If its not pools, its steep steps, hard floors, bedrooms miles away. You put measures in place to cope. E,h.
A huge sign on the doors outside to the pool saying LOCK THIS DOOR -DROWNING RISK!
If necessary barricade certain exits with furniture.
Hire a stairgate,or take a travel gate.
Take a travel cot for use in the day for youngest to keep them safe.
Reinforce to older child the dangers.

something like this they are neither hot nor restrictive, in fact they keep the sun off vulnerable backs and shoulders.

I've stayed in villas in Spain and none of the pools have been fenced
All have the pool in the garden with access from both front and back doors

It’s really going to depend on your children and the other adults. When ds1 was almost 4 and ds2 was almost 2 we went to Eurocamp with my mum and dad. I was drying ds1 by the pool and took off his floats and turned to get a towel. My mum and dad were there but dh has taken ds2 for a nap. Ds1 ran off to the deep end with heavily pregnant me chasing. My parents just stood there watching. He got to the deep end and jumped in. I shouted to a group of teens in the pool he couldn’t swim and one dragged him to the side and passed him to me. He spat out a load of water and got the fright of his life. As did I. He just didn’t believe he couldn’t float/swim.

He also ran off on the Ferry when everyone assumed someone else was watching him and we ran round the boat frantically looking for him for 20 long minutes.

I STILL won’t go on a pool/beach holiday with him and he’s nearly 6. I also wouldn’t trust people not to pop outside for a drink/walk and leave doors open or open balcony doors to let air in etc. If others are on holiday they are relaxing and may say they will be vigilant but the reality is if they get distracted then sometimes awful things happen and if they don’t have kids or are laid back then they may nod and say the right noises but inside roll their eyes and dismiss what you are saying as neurotic. So unless you really really trust them then I wouldn’t count on being able to rely on them.

Life jackets at all times and never letting either of them out of your sight.
You won't actually be able to have a conversation with anyone.
I was sat on the side of the pool watching DS, friend said something to me, turned my head for a couple of seconds, DS slid down the steep slope from shallow to deep in those few seconds, without a sound. Luckily he was fished out and is fine but it was mere seconds and silent.

So you are not overreacting and you won't be able to take your eyes off them. For those scoffing and saying it will be a holiday. It will be nothing of the sort.

I do agree, most accidents happen when people think their partner/someone else is watching. So the fact you have sole responsibility means it will be safer but utterly exhausting.

MrsKoala my 4 year old ran off on a ferry, one of the worst 10 minutes of my life! I didn't actually start enjoying holidays with them until they were 7/8. I still watch them but they are strong swimmers now.

Could you bring a friend or another relative along in place of your DH? It might make life easier if you had someone else whose reason for being there was to help you with the kids.

I’m worried enough about our holiday this year with a 2 year old that is a bolter with no fear of the water and open pool. I’d find it very difficult in your situation. From what I’ve seen online the temporary pool alarms aren’t brilliant unfortunately otherwise we’d have got one.

Are these people going to be the same ones who were present but totally vacant when DD ended in the road?

Take gaffer tape - the strong stuff. Sounds mad but when staying alone in cheap hotels with a 4 year old it's really useful. Tape up French doors, plug sockets, front door knob etc. Can even fashion a stair gate. Sounds paranoid but I slept better!

I think it will be too difficult to tape up doors with other people there though. She can't even rely on them to keep the doors closed, they just won't be thinking like that.

I think it would be daft to cancel. Of course you can have a holiday with two young children. Of course it will be a holiday. Teach both children to swim before you go. Make them wear arm bands/ life vest when outside. Assess the danger points when you get there and be mindful of them. You will face many dangerous situations throughout their life. You have to, and can only, take reasonable precautions.

Go and make memories and enjoy.

I think saying 'teach them both to swim' creates a false sense of security. The 4 year old may become confident and I know some 2 year olds swim but it's not that likely that in 2 months a 2 year old will learn to swim.
Definitely start them with swimming lessons. Won't solve the problem though.

Reasonable precautions here are basically watching a 2 and 4 year old at all times.

I would also check the locking mechanisms of the doors with the holiday company before you go. We went to Majorca when ds1 was almost 2 and the front and back door were like internal doors on the inside in the open plan kitchen/lounge/diner, which meant just pulling the handle down meant opening the door onto the busy main road or 6m from the pool. Someone had to physically stand or sit in front of the doors while we were in the apartment otherwise dd made a beeline for the door.

My parents lost a child who drowned. They made huge efforts not to make us frightened of the water, taught us to swim and we still pick nicked in what must have been very terrifying circumstances for them and let us take risks. However careful you are, children are skilled at finding the moment you are not paying attention. Get whatever flotation aid you can to be worn the minute they wake up to the minute they go to bed and keep doors locked at night /early morning. It only takes a minute to make an escape . But with careful planning the pool will be a joy.

theeyeofthestormchaser France has the Raffarin Law, whereby all pools of ground height and outdoors have to be fenced in with a lockable gate. Those higher up where entry is gained by a ladder, do not.

I've been on holiday in France most years since the law came in and have never stayed anywhere without a fence around the pool.

How do families with young children who live abroad manage, English families in Spain, Spanish families? All our neighbors had young children and pools in the garden. No drownings. Please keep it in perspective, be planned, be on full alert, but please enjoy this experience.
Both of mine learnt to swim whilst spending two months in Spain every year, in a villa with a pool. Great times.

Presumably they manage with teamwork. Not available to the op.

What nonsense to suggest that families with pools "manage fine, no drownings". Get your head out of the sand and do a little research. It is not at all uncommon for preschoolers to drown at home, on holiday or after wandering from a property.

Ten percent of the many hundreds of drownings annually in Spain are young children swimming in pools unsupervised by lifeguards.