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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask you to please help me keep my kids safe.

169 replies

Happyland8 · 31/03/2018 18:01

I'm going to Spain this summer for a family wedding. DH was supposed to be coming but work commitments now mean that I'll be going alone with my 4 year old and 1 year old (she'll be 2 when we go).

We will be staying at a shared villa with a pool. I'm feeling extremely anxious about the whole trip. I had a situation when DD2 was 2 where I was at a family gathering. I went upstairs to the toilet at my siblings house and someone there went out the front door and left it open and i came back down and found DD in the middle of a busy road and in all honesty, i feel so worried now unless DH & I are both there so that one of us can watch the kids at all times.

I'm worried about the swimming pool and the risk of either of them falling in without anyone noticing, I'm worried that while I'm helping one child, something awful could happen to the other. It's not possible for me to have my eyes on both children every second of every minute of every day and the people in my villa are all extremely laid back parents. I'm just so nervous about the whole situation.

Does anyone have any helpful, practical safety tips that may be useful?

I'm very grateful for any help. Thank you.

OP posts:
RoboticSealpup · 31/03/2018 18:46

I was just wondering if you meant that you and DH have to monitor the children at all times...?

I wouldn't really leave children under two completely unsupervised.

Caulk · 31/03/2018 18:46

Swimming lessons, help for your anxiety and clear boundaries.

kimanda · 31/03/2018 18:46

@Happyland8

Do you HAVE to go?

Why can't your DH go with you?

Bit convenient that 'work commitments' came up, and have stopped him going. Hmm

Surely his workplace must have known he had this date earmarked for a wedding abroad.

I call bullshit.

If me and my DH had planned a trip together to Spain (for a family wedding,) when our kids were pre-school age, and he had backed out coz of 'work' I would have said 'I am not going then.'

Original poster
Happyland8 · 31/03/2018 18:47

DH is in the army and will be on deployment. No way round that and certainly not his choice.

OP posts:
JaneEyre70 · 31/03/2018 18:47

Can you enlist a parent or friend to go with you? Or pay someone like a nanny to come? At least you could go to the loo in peace etc. I will admit it doesn't sound like a holiday....... I took our 3 (all under 5) to a family wedding about 150 miles away on my own and never repeated the experience Grin.

MeltSnow · 31/03/2018 18:49

You can have your eyes on both kids at all times. Surely that’s what you do most of the time. It’s annoying that you won’t be able to trust anyone else there but it’s not impossible to watch your kids yourself.

The absolute worst thing you can do with little kids when there is water around is to think other people will watch yourself as well as you can.

I also think it’s a bad idea to rely on other people to watch your kids as it’s too easy for people who aren’t used to watching little kids to forget for a moment. When a family member left the front door open the time your daughter went out on the road you know they won’t have done it on purpose it’s just that it’s too easy to forget....

Finola1step · 31/03/2018 18:50

Buy the all in one UV suits with in built floats. Buy 2 per child so that you have one on and one to wash as necessary. Make sure that everyone knows that the wearing of the suits are non negotiable.

When mine were little, we had a travel stair gate type thing but it was for blocking off doorways. Foldable and lightweight. Could have been made by Baby Dan.

Travel cot to keep youngest in. One of those laybird type bags with a detachable parent handle which you can use as reins for the youngest.

CloudCaptain · 31/03/2018 18:52

Just remember that the other adults absolutely cannot be relied upon to watch the children and realise this is not a holiday and it won't be fun.
Often when dh is around, we both think the other is watching one of the toddlers and before we know it one of them has tripped over in front of us, or spilt a drink.

Jon66 · 31/03/2018 18:52

When we have been to a party with a pool and there are children, the hosts always provided a qualified lifeguard. That might be an idea. Other than that, can you not employ an au pair for the week?

Mintylizzy9 · 31/03/2018 18:52

You need two of these vests. I did a pool villa with a fearless three year old last year and this was a total godsend, he wasn’t allowed out the door without it on. Going again this year so getting another in the next size up. Wouldn’t be without it now. My son has been having swimming lessons for a year and no way could he correct himself if he fell in the deep end by accident. Some villa companies will fence the pool off for an additional fee.

To ask you to please help me keep my kids safe.
HarryDresdensLeatherDuster · 31/03/2018 18:52

I'm sorry but I'm really not getting what the panic is all about. Have any of the other parents lost children in negligent accidents? I assume not so they are clearly capable of looking after the safety of their children.

Having travelled all over the world with three children on my own, I struggle to understand the 'it's not a holiday with a two year old' brigade!

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 31/03/2018 18:53

In honesty I would cancel if DH can't go. It doesn't sound like it's going to be relaxing for you, and what's the point in going if you are worried and stressed the whole time.

I can imagine that it will lead to some awkward moments with the other family eg if you are trying to keep the door closed and they want their kids to be able to run in and out, if you want someone to actively watch your child while you are busy and they are more inclined to chill out and listen for any tears/ crashes... They sound like they won't want to keep the doors closed and monitor the kids constantly and this may lead to tension as they may perceive you are spoiling their relaxation.

I have similar aged kids and although my 4 year old is sensible and would follow instructions to stay away from the pool, I'd still want to keep an eye on them as kids do daft things sometimes, especially if the other kids are allowed to play near the pool. And constantly watching the 2 year old would be exhausting.

Drowning kids can be silent, they don't shout or splash, they just go under silently. Absolutely terrifying.

Obviously a shame that the holiday isn't going to work out, but I'd just apologise and say your family can't go now.

Re the family party - I always ask one specific person to watch my child, in a group everyone assumes that someone else is watching.

MeltSnow · 31/03/2018 18:54

I think you have to accept that it's not really going to be a holiday for you as you're going to be watching your DCs all the time

That’s rather melodramatic. 😳. I know I was able to enjoy holidays where I was solely responsible for watching my own kids (and there were four of them). It was obviously not as relaxing and lazy as I might have like but it was always fun. If you go with the expectation that you are responsible for your own kids then you won’t be disappointed.

Viviennemary · 31/03/2018 18:56

I don't think I'd stay in a villa with a pool. Especially when you're DH won't be there to help. Awful things can happen in an instant. I'd just be too anxious.

Lindy2 · 31/03/2018 18:57

-zip up swim float jackets for both

  • travel cot to pop littlest one in if you go to the toilet etc. Take the older one with you if you feel you need to.
  • baby monitor for when they are sleeping in another room.
  • pushchair for little one to go in if you are walking anywhere and maybe a wrist strap for the 4 year old for walking around if you think she may try and walk off. You'll know if she might need that or not.
Any holiday with 2 young children is quite hard work but hopefully your youngest will nap at times which means you can relax a bit mire at those times when you just have your 4 year old to watch out for.
MeltSnow · 31/03/2018 18:57

Just remember that the other adults absolutely cannot be relied upon to watch the children and realise this is not a holiday and it won't be fun

Blimey, this statement seems so OTT. It’s only two kids.

coconutpie · 31/03/2018 18:59

I wouldn't go - if DH cannot go, then I would cancel. You are absolutely under no obligation to attend - family wedding or otherwise. If you cannot rely on anybody there to step up and take responsibility then they clearly don't want to be inconvenienced by childminding. They will all be doing their own thing while you'll spend the entire time worrying about your DC's safety. It's not worth the risk.

Original poster
Happyland8 · 31/03/2018 19:00

Not going is not an option. Neither is staying in different accommodation. Thank you for all the helpful tips so far. I'm not seeing this as a holiday and I'm not looking forward to it. I'm just looking forward to getting on that flight back home. I know I'll spend the whole time anxious but I'm going to do everything I can to reduce the risks.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 31/03/2018 19:02

Of course not going is an option. A villa with a pool is simply unsafe for children of that age. IMHO.

Awrite · 31/03/2018 19:03

I wouldn't go. If I couldn't trust family members to help out then they'd just have to get over my non-attendance.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 31/03/2018 19:10

Or the other solution is to take someone with you to help eg a friend, your parent, or to hire a responsible Nanny/ babysitter locally.

Obviously if you had to go you could watch both kids, keep doors shut, have a playpen, put them somewhere secure when showering, but it doesn't sound like a fun week away for you.

I also knew a child who drowned in a swimming pool at a family party. Lots of adults around. Kids drown quietly, nobody noticed.

Not having lost a child doesn't mean the other parents are clearly capable of being safe... I know some lax parents who are just very lucky, in my opinion. One is a friend, absolutely lovely lady and loves her kids, but is just so lax about safety stuff and there have been several near misses that she thinks are just "one of those things" or her kids being naughty, whereas I'd view them as preventable. We all have different tolerances for risk and I think op's level of concern is within the normal range, as per the responses on this thread.

I guess your decision op whether you would rather have a tiring week, or just cancel? Personally I'd do the latter and just say your family can't make it anymore as DH working.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 31/03/2018 19:13

What happens if you cancel?
I get that they will be disappointed.
But what else?
Why is cancelling not an option?

isthistoonosy · 31/03/2018 19:19

Swimming aids life vests on them both at all times, except when asleep.
Have a baby gate or some other way of keeping them in their bedroom (esp if they wake and you are asleep).
Keep them both with you all the time.

brownelephant · 31/03/2018 19:20

absolutely be strict about rules about the water.

also go swimming with them and practice 'floating' on the back in case they fall in.

Dancingbea · 31/03/2018 19:22

I think that once you accept that you are the one responsible for knowing where they are at all times it will be fine; in fact it is times where I have been with my DH and where we have somehow both assumed the other was looking out for child 1/2/3 is where it all goes wrong. As pps have said, you can't rely on anyone else

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