To ask you to please help me keep my kids safe.

[Happyland8]

I'm going to Spain this summer for a family wedding. DH was supposed to be coming but work commitments now mean that I'll be going alone with my 4 year old and 1 year old (she'll be 2 when we go).

We will be staying at a shared villa with a pool. I'm feeling extremely anxious about the whole trip. I had a situation when DD2 was 2 where I was at a family gathering. I went upstairs to the toilet at my siblings house and someone there went out the front door and left it open and i came back down and found DD in the middle of a busy road and in all honesty, i feel so worried now unless DH & I are both there so that one of us can watch the kids at all times.

I'm worried about the swimming pool and the risk of either of them falling in without anyone noticing, I'm worried that while I'm helping one child, something awful could happen to the other. It's not possible for me to have my eyes on both children every second of every minute of every day and the people in my villa are all extremely laid back parents. I'm just so nervous about the whole situation.

Does anyone have any helpful, practical safety tips that may be useful?

I'm very grateful for any help. Thank you.

I would put them in swim lessons right away, and also follow others’ advice about vests, stern warnings, etc.
Do you have self rescue swim lessons there? I have known two women who have had their children (toddlers) take these lessons and the kids did well. It includes kids falling in with their clothes as they need to fight against the drag on their clothes if they really fell in. Of course that’s an extreme precaution, and you would want to avoid them being alone by water, but it’s a very good thing for them to know. myria.com/experience-isr-infant-self-rescue-swimming-lessons

I am a little surprised that several people suggest cancelling the holiday/wedding. I wonder what single parents do, surely they have holidays? I wish you well and hope you have a lovely and safe time.

Why do some people know more about the OP's life than the OP Kimanda. Of course leave can be cancelled. We were always tol the army isn't there to serve the family.

Anyway not worth the effort for you to derail.

I have taken two young children to a villa, with a pool and as the only parent. More than once over the years. Common sense, planning and being with my children made it quite safe. I honestly found it really manageable. Strict rules, the 4 year old looking out for himself too, given some responsibility (relevant to his age). Safety Aids, play pen/travel cot and we used an inflatable paddling pool beside the main pool, set next to my sunbed. Give them buckets, pots and spoons to play with. Put a parasol over. We also used sunbeds on their side to make cordoned off areas. If the villa has terraced areas or grass and hard patio make rules about where the children can go at certain times. ( you can only play on the grass until...)

I don't think it will be as bad as you fear.

Going god Kimanda. Leave the OP alone. What is your problem?

OP, if this is a family wedding and there isn't anyone in the family that you can rely on to help with your DC when they know you will be on your own, in a foreign country with a swimming pool outside the backdoor, then I would question why you are going at all?

I can't imagine booking accommodation with a swimming pool in the garden if I knew young children would be staying.

YY GoingFullNorman - exactly that. A 'pilots system' is a good name for it!

Other suggestions on the thread are good - reins are a good idea, I know lots of people don't like them, but in a situation like this, thy might be a life saver.

A travel cot in the general area, or a high chair, so you know you can put the 2yr old in a safe place if you need to do something with your 4yr old.

You can get little door alarms on amazon that run off a couple of batteries & stick on with sticky pads. They are quite loud & would alert you if a child opened the door & tried to sneak out. They look ideal for travellers.
www.amazon.co.uk/tiiwee-Window-Alarm-Burglar-Security/dp/B01LW1LW38/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?psc=1&keywords=door+alarm&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1522523601&sr=8-2-spons

My dd (2) has one of the float vests linked upthread. But she can easily take it off herself.
THIS is much better to have on at all times near the pool, and they cannot take it off. www.splashabout.com/uv-floatsuit-flora-bimbi.html. Of course, it's only a back up - just never leave them. And if you don't trust someone else to keep an eye out (and I've heard enough horror stories to know I would not), then when you need to take one in to the toilet or whatever, both go. The eldest is old enough to understand this, and the youngest just gets dragged along anyway.
I'd still go, but be super vigilant, and make sure they are in the same bedroom as me so they can't get up early without me noticing.

Could you take a friend to help?

How about one of these?

www.safewateralarms.co.uk/products/safety-turtle-for-children/

Is the pool fenced off, or is it slap bang in the middle of the terrace next to the villa with no barrier? If the latter, it will be a complete nightmare.

My DD went on a villa holiday with her two children aged just two and four and a half. Like you, she hadn’t wanted to go but was pressured into it by her DH and in-laws, who said they would all be there to keep an eye on the children. They didn’t. DD came home a frazzled wreck, because there was no fence around the pool and people kept leaving the doors open, so the kids were wandering around outside. She couldn’t count on anyone to watch over them properly (including her DH, who was quickly distracted by conversation and beer). She asked her in-laws to watch the children whilst she went for a shower, and came back outside just in time to see her four year old fall head first into the deep end trying to retrieve a toy car. The five adults who were supposed to be watching him were all sitting chatting at the other end of the terrace. Thank God a tragedy was averted, but it could have been very different.

It’s more difficult to keep children safe when there is a group, as there are so many distractions and everyone assumes someone else will be vigilant. The only thing you can do is make them wear life jackets all the time, but they will still have to be watched constantly. I completely understand your anxiety, and frankly wouldn’t want to go.

As an army wife, OP, as with lone parents, I have every confidence that You Can Do This. You are used to doing it all, being independent, responsible, in charge, and being in sole control. You might even enjoy your time with your family!
Get the lifejackets, don't drink, be vigilant, and roll with it.
A change is as good as a rest, allegedly - let's hope so!!

I would be nervous too! The danger is when people are 'collectively' watching children and no one person takes responsibility - so when you have to pop to the loo or anything, assign someone responsible to look after them. And get a couple of the pool alarm wristbands. The trouble with armbands is although they are essential, they give the children the green light to get in whenever they've got them on, so they'd still need clear instruction, can you find a fun safety video online that you can watch with them a lot before you go?

OP, it will be really hard . We have stayed in villas when the kids were young but we had 3 adults for 2 kids at that time.
Even so it was absolutely exhausting.

Two of us had to shadow the kids constantly. Even if they fall in and you are right behind them it still takes quite a while to jump in and get them out. And by then they have had a big fright.
I actually think going with other adus is more risky as you don't now know who might leave a door open at any time.

If I had to go alone I would try to stay somewhere different. Your kids will most likely be obsessed by the pool too and want to be around it all the time .

I don't even see how you can be in the pool with them both at the same time really - very tricky.

id not go if i was that desperate . it's just a bloody wedding who cares.

I’d second the recommendation for the puddle jumper buoyancy aids, my son has been able to safely float in them since he was 18 months old. They’re approved by the US coast guard. I also like that the way they do up leaves a strap at the back, handy for grabbing. You could tell the person you are handing your child to to not let go of that strap until you are back.

There are some wrist bands you can put on children which are linked to an alarm so if the child falls in the pool the alarm sounds.

They can be a bit pricey, but might be worth it.

There are also sensors you can put at the edge of the pool which detect anything that falls in, but they do sometimes give false positives.

All the people saying they took their kids on holiday and trekking around the world single handedly...yep, that all doable. The problem here is that there are loads of people in the villa who will be interacting with the kids, separating them, wanting to talk to the OP. It’s the other people who are making this worrying. Children drown in group settings because everyone assumes someone else is watching them, or people forget they’ve said they’ll keep an eye on them and because it’s not just you there with the kids, people leave doors open etc. It’s an absolute nightmare. I’d rather have 10 kids & 2 adults than 10 adults & 2 kids.

With small children it makes very, very, little difference if they can swim or not, if they slip in or get knocked in, they won’t even think about swimming - they’ll either panic or just slip under the water. Plus you have children who are over confident around water. Confident beyond their ability.

Happyland. How old are the other children that are going?
It definitely won’t be a relaxing holiday for you. If it was me, I’d just accept that and accept the kids will be glued to me 24/7, even for so much as a wee. I’d get two wrist straps just in case you have issues with them running off.

The eldest is old enough to learn how to swim. Teach them before you go. Four is also old enough to understand the concept of drowning and not going near a pool alone. The youngest you should just take to the loo with you and generally not let our if your sight. I hope it gives well.

Of course you can not go.

You just..... don't go. Simple.

I wouldn’t go.

Spent 10 years being a swimming teacher and life guard. It takes seconds for a little one to slip in to the water quietly. You’d literally be on guard the entire time and that’s when you are controlling the situation.

You can’t control other people and they are a huge hazard too. Left open doors and gates by mistake, some one not paying attention when you have just nipped to the toilet ect..

Nah I would risk it. I’ve pulled kids out of the water many a time and frankly it’s fucking disturbing

Four is also old enough to understand the concept of drowning and not going near a pool alone

You would like to think so but sadly it’s not true. Some children are drawn to bodies of water. At four years old a child’s brain doesn’t really measure that kind of danger over being inquisitive

Can you contact the tour operator that the villa is booked through? See if they can provide a fence around the pool. It's definitely worth a shot!

I stayed in a villa with my twin boys, they weren't even two and thankfully the pool was gated otherwise there's no way I would have gone! My family said they'd watch the boys but like a previous poster has said no one takes responsibility. It was exhausting! In fact I swore I'd never do it again.

Wow Kimanda. Not very understanding. My friend's now DH was in the airforce and was often having leave changed. Either being deployed or having his tour of duty (in Iraq) extended.

Dear OP - I'm sure you can handle it. You will have to be vigilant as will the other family, set rules, keep doors shut etc, get flotation jackets. I've been taking holidays alone with my kids for 11 years and I've managed.

I always found accidents happened when both DH and I were on duty, usually because we assumed the other was watching. If you are in sole charge you will probably be more vigilant and therefore the children will be safer.

It’s not going to be much of a holiday for you because you are going to have to watch them both 24/7, but it’s doable.