To tell MIL to speak ennglish

[Pokemonlovepower]

So I have a Europe MIL who would always talk to me in English (husband's first language is English ) but since my baby has been born she's speaks only in her own language. My husband doesn't around the baby and we've mentioned that the bi lingual route isn't a big must as we speak English at home. She accepted this but more and more when I visit she speaks in her own language around me (even if the baby isn't present) to my husband, so I can't understand a thing. I offered to try and learn but my husband didn't see the point as he only speaks it too his mum!

AIBU to find it a bit rude ?? X

Or if it's a fairly mainstream language, Michel Thomas CDs are brilliant. Look on ebay.

"I would jump at the chance to have my child acquire bilingualism from birth. It's the best opportunity they'll ever have to acquire a second language.
I'd get learning that language too if I were you."

This ^^
Why would you not want to give your child a head start in a second language?

What language is it?

So you are bilingual already?

Do you speak your mother tongue to your child?

I think she’s just worried her heritage and culture might get lost and that’s why she’s over performing it at the mo. Maybe see if there are any customs etc that you could add if you don’t have many already?

Well, you are clearly not fluent in English, so yes yabu!!! Just go and speak all your languages together!

So tou're both speaking to the baby in languages that aren't your mother tongue? What a shame!

I wish my mil had done this for wirh ours my friends mil did and they now speak two languages. What a bonus. I am half Slavic and my mum never taught me and regrets it to this day.

Ah, ok. I wonder if maybe you are a bit more concerned about your child hearing English at home because English isn't your first language. My husband and I are both native English speakers and if his mum/dad wanted to speak a different language to the kids I wouldn't mind at all; in fact I would be delighted.

So your husband's first language is English, your MIL's first language is a European one and yours is another language again? This baby will have a lot of language choices

Which is the language ?
If it’s something useful ( Spanish, French , Italian ) grab the opportunity for your DC
Even if it’s not such a widely spoken language , it’s useful. Isn't it ?
However , I’d ask her to speak both languages , ie speak in whatever it is , then repeat the sentence in English

Well, you are clearly not fluent in English,

She seems fluent to me.

What language does she speak?

And I don’t think you should tell her , maybe ask her ?

Another mother of bilingual children here - and another vote for you letting her carry on - and trying to learn her language yourself - use Memrise
www.memrise.com/
or Duolingo
www.duolingo.com
and listen to what she's saying to your baby - learning a language with small children is the easiest way as there's only a limited vocabulary which is repeated regularly.
If I am a "European Mil" one day nothing will stop me talking my mother tongue to my grandchildren!

It would be a wonderful thing for your child to be Bi lingual . I don't know why you would not want this

I think she should speak to dh and yourself in English. It would be lovely if your child was exposed to other languages too.

"I would jump at the chance to have my child acquire bilingualism from birth. It's the best opportunity they'll ever have to acquire a second language."

This 100% - they will thank you when they are older and it will open up a whole new world to them - travel, friendships, relationships, job opportunities...

Learning another language is really hard as an adult but young kids pick it up so easily. I would love to have been bilingual - especially from childhood, really struggled to learn languages later in life, lots of time effort and money spend and am still pretty useless. :)

Going against the grain here: I think perhaps OP is feeling excluded from MIL and DH interaction with the baby? I wouldnt like to feel that I was excluded from their conversation because I didnt speak the language, and that my DH thought it wasnt worth me learning?

It depends really. I speak to DD in English. DH speaks to her in Russian (which I’m learning, painfully). So when my batty mother comes along and speaks to DD in Hebrew I ask her to switch to English so DH can understand too. If it’s that sort of scenario then yanbu.

Fine for MIL to speak the language with baby and DH, but not in your presence. That's a bit rude.

My friends mum is Italian but speaks quite good English. Friend speaks Italian but her mum has never spoken it to the kids. I think it's quite sad that they don't know how to speak another language.

I would learn the language and get your dh to teach you as he teaches your child.
Why wouldn't you want your child to speak both?
Ask mil to speak in English unless she is occupying your child.

What language is it, there's lots of websites with free resources where you can learn vocab, grammar and enough to get you to A level if you are prepared to source it.
Duolingo is great to begin with.

English is not my first language although I have spoken it since childhood and am pretty fluent in it.
To my surprise, when I had babies, speaking to them in anything other than my mother tongue seemed really odd to me - no idea way, but cooing endearments to them came much more natural to me in my first language. Maybe that is what's happening to your MiL also??

I think you should let your MiL speak to your baby in whatever language she wants, while you speak to you child in whatever language you prefer.

Bilingualism is a really great gift, not just if/whether your child acquires the other language (they might of course not) but because neural pathways are made that will make the learning of any language easier in later life.

@Pokemonlovepower

You are speaking your own lnaguage to the baby, aren't you? You really need to do this - how will your child communicate with your parents and their cousins ect on your side if you don't.
If you are living in the UK don't worry about your child learning English - they will get plenty of that from everyone else.
And don't think you need to speak English to your child in front of anyone else because it's "not polite" to speak your own language.
It's the most natural thing in the world for you to speak the language your mother spoke to you, to your own child.
My own children are young adults now and they are extremely grateful that I dug my heels in as far as languages were concerned.

I come from a multilingual family. Speaking a language that not everyone present understands is the epitome of rudeness. But sometimes we slip into the wrong language. I've noticed that it happens much more where people are very familiar with everyone in the room (probably more relaxed and less likely to watch what language they are using). Even I slip into the wrong language myself and I barely speak my second language. It is usually not intended rudely despite being rude so it would also be rude to draw attention to what one should asdumr us a slip up.

Children don't learn a language just because their parents /relatives are 'foreign', they can only learn by being exposed to the language. It's not a matter of 'politeness' or not, it's a practical thing - if OP's MIL doesn't speak her language to baby all the time as often as possible, baby will not learn it.

Unless MIL lives with OP and her DH full time, 'as often as possible' for MIL means all the time.

Also to all of those of you telling her that she must learn between my husband's immediate family and mine a total of fourteen languages are spoken fluently by someone or other. Of those six are spoken fluently by more than one person and conversations a conducted in those languages at some point. Have I made some kind of error by not going our a learning all of them despite being utterly hopeless at learning and retaining languages? It's really not as simple as just learning. If you are able to communicate without learning a set language other people speak then there really is no imperative.