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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Texting after first date

429 replies

JapaneseCat · 30/03/2018 14:31

When is too late for a guy to text? I felt he was into me but no text since we met last night. He made some references to “playing it cool” while we were on the date.

OP posts:
PrincessScarlett · 30/03/2018 19:52

I agree with Vitalogy and Sausagema. Saying "good to meet you, thanks for lovely evening" is like when you handshake and say goodbye at the end of a meeting.

Hopefully he will text back but you should have said something along the lines of "let's do it again sometime, let me know when you are free".

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 30/03/2018 19:53

Agree about “good to meet” not hitting the spot. (i’m Just saying to see if somebody suggest something to fix it as I just done the same mistake! Confused)

Original poster
JapaneseCat · 30/03/2018 19:53

But he’s not stupid! He said a few times in the date oh we should do xyz activity and I said oh can we? That would be fun! So he must have known I was a bit interested?

OP posts:
XiCi · 30/03/2018 19:56

Good to meet you is something I say to people that I've enjoyed their company but I know Im unlikely to see again, so yeah I think if he hasn't replied and you want to see him again I'd follow up with something alot less formal.

HeyhoIndigo · 30/03/2018 19:56

Perhaps you could invite him to something, or suggest the next meet-up. It sounds like there is some interest from both of you there.

QueenofmyPrinces · 30/03/2018 19:57

It wasn’t the best choice of words in your text OP....

However, if I had received that text I might not be bowled over with thoughts of how much you liked me, I would still reply. After all, if you didn’t like him you wouldn’t have text him at all would you? And he would know that.

If I received a text the day after, when all the alcohol is out the system, it would indicate to me the sender was interested, regardless of how formal the text may have been.

Fruitcorner123 · 30/03/2018 19:59

I've just read your message back and I can see what Vitalogy and Sausagema mean.

You could text him a follow up such as "let me know you got home ok. I know you had a long journey"
Or just bite the bullet and say you want to meet up again. (I would do this one)

Let's face it what have you got to lose? If he doesn't reply you're no worse off than you are now. If hes interested I don't think asking him out is going to seem too keen. If he's not interested he's not going to reply anyway.

Original poster
JapaneseCat · 30/03/2018 20:00

Do I say anything now then?

OP posts:
Laiste · 30/03/2018 20:02

Kimanda Grin what on earth is the matter with you?

SO angry that some people do things differently than you. Settle down.

QueenofmyPrinces · 30/03/2018 20:02

You could send him another text and cover yourself with the “Sorry, I pressed send too soon...” opening line, followed by you saying that you had also meant to say that you’d had a really good time and if he ever wanted to meet up again then you’d really like that.

XiCi · 30/03/2018 20:04

Can you text about the activity you were talking about doing? Ask if he fancies doing that next weekend or whenever?

Original poster
JapaneseCat · 30/03/2018 20:04

It was sent an hour ago though! I don’t think I can... hopefully he will realise that I’ve texted, therefore I’m interested! I guess up to him now? I don’t think it was a brush-off text?!

OP posts:
Original poster
JapaneseCat · 30/03/2018 20:04

If he replies I’ll say something about the activity

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/03/2018 20:05

I don't think you can say "pressed send too soon" a couple of hours later.
However I doubt if you have anything much to lose by saying you had a really good time and you'd like to meet up again.

Fruitcorner123 · 30/03/2018 20:08

Maybe tell yourself if he doesn't reply by tomorrow morning you will send a second text that way you have covered yourself against him getting the wrong end of the stick with your first text and left it long enough to not seem too keen!!

MorganKitten · 30/03/2018 20:08

I have never followed ‘rules’ of dating or texting. If I enjoyed myself I’ll text, if they did too you’ll hear back and be able to set something else up.

Original poster
JapaneseCat · 30/03/2018 20:08

I just don’t know? I feel like it’s pretty keen to double text! Let’s face it, if he’s at all interested, he will reply :)

OP posts:
Thirtyrock39 · 30/03/2018 20:10

The text was fine do NOT send another yet ! Remember that when he texts you back you'll take a bit of time to compose a reply and it would be a bit intense if he immediately replies back
I've done things like given the wrong phone number before (in pre mobile days by mistake) and if they like you they'll find a way of getting in touch- don't worry about the good to meet you
If you weren't interested you wouldn't have texted him

RoderickRules · 30/03/2018 20:11

I would think ‘good to meet you’ in the way the OP sent it. If she didn’t want to see him again, why text?

Well done OP

DiegoMadonna · 30/03/2018 20:19

I don't think it sounds like that. I think it leaves it open to him to ask if she wants to go out again, or not to.

DiegoMadonna · 30/03/2018 20:20

Yeah, it wasn't a brush-off text, and texting again now would be way OTT.

g1itterati · 30/03/2018 20:21

Jap - Please don't second-guess yourself. It doesn't really matter what the wording was and there's no need to over-analyse. The fact is, if he's interested he will make contact, regardless of whether you texted or not. Please don't text again. He knows the ball is in his court now, as you say, he's not dense.

VodkaRusschian · 30/03/2018 20:22

What about just something like 'and hope to meet you again!' which is sort of acknowledging that your text was a bit dismissive. Which personally I think it was.

Fruitcorner123 · 30/03/2018 20:23

If she didn’t want to see him again, why text?

I've changed my opinion on this and do think the text maybe comes across as a polite let down. If I received it and liked the person who sent it I would definitely reply though. Hope you hear from him soon OP my nerves can't copeGrin

Gabilan · 30/03/2018 20:29

YEh sorry to agree but you sound uninterested “good to meet you” is the problem, should have been “I had a great time”....

"Good to meet you" puts things in the past. It's one of those polite things you say to let someone down gently, unless you follow it up with a positive invitation to meet up again.