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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Texting after first date

429 replies

JapaneseCat · 30/03/2018 14:31

When is too late for a guy to text? I felt he was into me but no text since we met last night. He made some references to “playing it cool” while we were on the date.

OP posts:
OutofSyncGirl · 31/03/2018 11:04

Oh well if he was a bad kisser he'll be terrible in bed! NEXT

WhatsGoingOnEh · 31/03/2018 11:07

Don't feel rejected! Honestly, it's just one of those things. Plus you weren't even that into him. Keep reminding yourself of that! With the right guy, it'll be mutual and effortless.

QueenofmyPrinces · 31/03/2018 11:07

I can’t believe he said that - what a knob! There are certain, gentle ways of saying things like that but his text comes acros as him just being a bit of an arse hole who thinks a lot of himself.

“Sorry about that” - like you say, very patronising!!

Yuk!

Keep hunting OP - there are good ones out there Flowers

Lichtie · 31/03/2018 11:08

Give the guy a break. He had a few drinks and kissed someone on a first date. He has hardly lead someone along for months and he has been honest and replied to the txt rather than just ignore it.
OP has been on tinder talking to new guys so she clearly knows more out there.

jellycat1 · 31/03/2018 11:09

What a twunt. Delete, block, move on.
Or....'no problem! I was thinking the same ;) Take care!
And then delete block and move on! Grin

Original poster
JapaneseCat · 31/03/2018 11:10

Thanks! Now I’m gonna sound like an atsehole but he wasn’t the most good looking guy (i had dressed up and was getting some admiring looks that night), i know it’s not about that but what gives him the right to assume that I am by definition more into him?!?

OP posts:
OutofSyncGirl · 31/03/2018 11:12

Did you meet him online? I hate to say this but there are very few decent men online. There are loads who are just out for what they can get.

Original poster
JapaneseCat · 31/03/2018 11:14

On a dating app yes, he had great chat though and seemed to have v similar sense of humour. Good messages back and forth for about a week. I actually asked him what he was looking for at the end of the date and he said dating/a relationship...

OP posts:
OutofSyncGirl · 31/03/2018 11:14

I just think it's a bit yuck to kiss someone on a first date unless it went really well. I don't kiss someone unless I intend to have sex with them personally.

OutofSyncGirl · 31/03/2018 11:16

Some men are very good at sounding good via message. I remember meeting someone who, in person was very cold and surly but had sounded bubbly in his messages.

The problem with online dating is that you don't get a chance to see if there is any chemistry and you have texted messages and photos to go on. So it's quite unnatural.

Original poster
JapaneseCat · 31/03/2018 11:17

Yeah I know that but I guess I was willing to give it a chance and felt we hit it off. Got pretty drunk though and stayed for ages - I think next time I have to cut it short on a high. Sometimes am too polite

OP posts:
WhatsGoingOnEh · 31/03/2018 11:19

what gives him the right to assume that I am by definition more into him?!?

The text that you sent him the next day...

Allthewaves · 31/03/2018 11:21

Delete him op and move on. You had a fun night, didn't cost you too much Grin. Plenty more fish and all that

Oneapenny · 31/03/2018 11:24

Bet you wish you hadn’t bothered sending that text now!

Tbf I did agree with posters who said, he would have contacted you straight away if he was keen.

Original poster
JapaneseCat · 31/03/2018 11:27

Well I feel like everyone said the text was s brush off hasn’t harmed my case!! At least it wasn’t gushy. I wasn’t that into him as I said and had assumed he was into but felt rejected when I pulled away a bit from the kiss etc. onwards snd upwards ;)

Can I ask for some tips for first dates?! I used to think I was good, I think I’m almost too myself though. I definitely drank a little more than I should have on this one and we stayed out for five hours. Probably a mistake. What should I do going forward? No loss here but I get the impression if I had cut it short/ended on a high he would have wanted to see me again.

OP posts:
YourWanMajella · 31/03/2018 11:33

Your attitude is really weird and actually quite nasty.

Original poster
JapaneseCat · 31/03/2018 11:35

Why’s that?

OP posts:
Oddcat · 31/03/2018 11:35

There's so much angst and second guessing here . Honestly, it just shouldn't be this difficult!

YourWanMajella · 31/03/2018 11:37

You went out on one date. All this angsting over a text and analysing over every word and the outrage that he's not into you because you are so much more better looking than him and how you really only liked him because you thought he liked you, and the faux hurt at him not falling all over you......god, what a load of self indulgent dramatics!

It's OLD. You chat, you go out, if there's no spark you do it again with someone else. No need for all this teenage bollocks.

Original poster
JapaneseCat · 31/03/2018 11:38

Point accepted! Thanks. I’m going through a rough patch at the moment self-esteem wise so probably need to do some work oh myself before dating again.

OP posts:
Oddcat · 31/03/2018 11:41

I had dressed up and was getting some admiring looks that night

You're self esteem seems fine to me Confused

AnaViaSalamanca · 31/03/2018 11:41

OP, don't analyse so much. Your text was OK, not sending a text was OK too. These are really inoffensive actions and you can't control the situation, or any situation for that matter. Nothing you said or didn;t say could change that, you are who you are and you cannot change your nuances based on people's preference (or assumed preference).

That said, I do agree, try to cut your first date off at around 1-1.5 hr max, give yourselves a chance to step back and think. If you like each other, there would be a second date to talk more. And don't get drunk.

And from my own dating experience years ago, there was someone who told me to text shen I got home, just to brush me off teh next day. Some men get ego strokes from knowing that you were interested.

You sound very young by the way. Don't be discouraged, keep going for it, and remember there is no "rejection" as such so just meet many people and don;t get overinvested.

AtrociousCircumstance · 31/03/2018 11:42

Text back: Cool 😊 Glad we were on the same page about that - phew!

DameXanaduBramble · 31/03/2018 11:44

God yes, Work on that first, I promise it shouldn’t be this angst ridden. A few dates in and you’ll be an old hand; message, meet, get on or don’t, meet again or it’s just ‘’NEXT’’ !

WhatsGoingOnEh · 31/03/2018 11:45

You're giving this overly tongued, disinclined-to-date man WAY too much of your time and attention!

You don't need to overhaul your dating habits, or take time off the whole thing to build your self esteem, etc.

Please get this back into perspective: a man you didn't even like has said he's decided not to date anyone right now.

That's it. That's all that's happened.