Sex before a night out

[overduemamma]

Don't really know where this would go so apologises. I am going on a night out tomorrow and Friday and my partner thinks I must give him sex before I go out (also at a time where I don't have time to shower after) he's always been like this and it forever drains me that he asks me. I have asked why he always seems to ask when I go out and he says I'm less likely to cheat! I've never cheated and never would, we've been together 11 years and have 2 beautiful children together. I just find it odd!

@1310j I assumed (wrongly) that the children were older and they would still be up. Rarely do I go out after my children are in bed, if I'm going out it's around 7.30 and they're still up. In fairness I should have asked the OP the age of her kids.

Have you tried to talk to him about this overdue?

What does he say when you tell him you don’t want to go out with your hair/makeup messed up/all sweaty etc?

If he’s normal about everything else, then try and speak to him about it at a neutral time (when neither of you are due to go out anywhere) and tell him how annoying it is. Be very clear about how disrespectful it is and how it makes you feel.
A bit of defensiveness and bluster is ok but he needs to calm down and listen.
If he then makes a genuine effort to change you can move things on.

If he shouts you down and keeps on with this then you shouldn’t stay with this man.

I would leave! I’ve been there and it only gets worse, more controlling and more sexually degrading.

Sounds like you don't want to be in this 'relationship ' any more op. Please do as pp have said and take advice from Women’s aid.

Arseface that's the worst advice I've ever seen.
You are either a) Victorian, b) A Man.

*TeeniefaeTroon

@1310jI assumed (wrongly) that the children were older and they would still be up. Rarely do I go out after my children are in bed, if I'm going out it's around 7.30 and they're still up. In fairness I should have asked the OP the age of her kids.*

Maybe apologies to overduemama?

What a revolting, disrespectful and disgusting attitude from your partner. Yes, he's scent-marking you as his property. Do you need anyone else to assure you that it is not ok, nor normal, not acceptable?

Women's Aid and your local police DV unit (though get on to WA first) will be able to help you get this man out of your life. WA will also offer you help and support afterwards, to make sure that you can keep him at a reasonable distance and enable the DC to have contact with him if they want to (the starting point, always, is the children's right to see their father and the benefit to them: what he might want is not important). You do not need his permission or his co-operation to end the relationship and get rid of him. It's not at all impossible for a court to order him to leave the home, while you and the children get to stay there.
Abusive men often convince their partners that the man has all the power and the woman must obey - this simply isn't true.
Best of luck. You can get rid. You DO NOT HAVE TO endure this man or his unappealing dick any more.

Grim. My ex used to do this.

He also used to sulk on nights out with my friends, to the point of abject rudeness. When I started to call him on that, he then began having "panic attacks" whenever we had plans with my friends.

Note- ex.

Not only is it odd it's fucking disgusting.

OP did you think we'd all say "Doh!! Those men eh?! Tell him to have a wank!"

Am I right in thinking you didn't want us all to say this is disgusting you need to get out?

Am I right in thinking you didn't want us all to say this is disgusting you need to get out?

No I dotnt think she did.

I think the OP, after 11 years of this shit, has had enough but has been so manipulated and gas lighted that she needed to check that it was wrong and that she is ok to say no.

Contact Women's Aid tomorrow to get help in separating from him.

This is controlling, disgusting behaviour

Is he controlling in other ways?

This is not normal in the slightest! How can you put up with this? Have you no self respect?

What is he a dog? Marking his territory! Disgusting controlling man child

I don't even need to say it OP. Everyone else has. he sounds vile.

That is grim

Arseface what shit advice!

This is so much worse than simply "odd".
Your relationship is obviously over, since you've tried to get him to leave before.
Please don't stay and put up with this because you're stubborn.
it will not get better - is this going to be your (and your DCs) story for the rest of your like?

I hope you still can go out tonight, may e plan to get ready at someone else's house? Stay safe and call WA!

I would bet my life on it he has cheated on you.

Do you service him before he goes out to stop him cheating too? He clearly feels it's the only thing that works...

This is grim.

Disgusting, controlling

Um what? Ltb