Or is she going ott?

[Scrambledheads]

I'm a member of a class group on Facebook for parents to share information, school trips, clubs etc. Last week there was a class trip to a local castle and the weather was really terrible. One of the mums posted on the morning of the trip saying 'Welly weather then' and I commented below saying 'looks like it, as long as they are well fitting as there are lots of twisty narrow stairs in the tower which are slippy when wet'. I wrote this knowing a notification would go out to other parents, most of whom won't have been to the castle and might not know about the twisting stone stairs.
I received a message from the mum who had made the original post and it said 'I've brought up an 18 year old on my own successfully so don't need your input. I was embarrassed and patronised by your comment and no longer feel able to post on the page'
I replied saying it wasn't directed at her but to warn parents who hadn't been there before, and that I didn't mean to be patronising at all. She then replied saying 'don't like being told what to do? No you wouldn't like that. I put up with this the first time round but not any more. My daughter has an unconditional offer to uni and I'm a great single mum so I don't need your advice'.
I should add that I've never had direct contact with this woman before. I can't help but feel tense that she thinks I was deliberately trying to patronise her... AIBU or is she reading too much into it??

I think it's the wording ie where you responded directly to her with " as long as they are well fitting" which would get a lot of folks backs up. I'd have read it and thought "oh she's one of them, what an effacious twat" laughed and not responded to you.

If you wanted to tell the parents en masse about your safety requirement you should have done so and not aimed it specifically at her.

However her reaction is well over the top. So you've both got issues, hers way more than yours though.

OP, it was fine. What worries me is how many people thought it was patronising and agree with the other Mum.

We have a school facebook page too. I am class rep and sometimes put helpful reminders. I nicely reminded parents that their kids need to go to school tomorrow (last week) in PE kit as it's comic relief day. 1 mum called me out as patronising. We know blah blah blah! I was going to remind parents that they need to return PE kits back to school for Monday PE even though it's only for one session this week as term finished today. I decided not to send in case patronising.
Anyway, my son said 8 out of his class of 30 had no PE kit and I had a mum say we should have had a reminder. Can't win!

I don’t think the OP sounded patronising at all.

But even though the woman took it that way, the OP explained what she meant and most people would be like “oh ok, no problem” not carry on ranting for no legitimate reason! She sounds like a loony tune!

I said she was patronising for presuming that other parents would never have been to a castle. How is that not patronising?

We have a FB group for ds's class. It's full of questions, tips and reminders and for me it's a godsend. It's stopped me forgetting trips, costumes, money due for stuff. We all contribute and we all add stuff just like OP did. That woman has serious ishoos!

OP.
Ignore her and anyone else who "agrees with her "

Any good parent would have taken the advice as it was intended...to inform those who didn't know about the stairs.

I am quite impractical and would never have thought about the wellies being slippy and not appropriate. I would have been grateful for your advice. Her comments back to you are really weird. Poor you.

Ursula I just don’t get how that would come across as patronising? She said it just in case no one else had been there, just to be helpful. Do you really think it would meant to have come across in a negative way?

Ridiculous reaction. I don’t see the original comment as patronising. Some people are way too precious.

Even if she thought it was unnecessary, replying the way she did indicates an enormous chip on shoulder. ‘Unconditional offer from uni..’ right, ok then 🙈

She sounds like a total idiot to me - why are people so easily bloody offended nowadays

In her OP she said 'most of whom won't have been to the castle'. Patronising and smug.

I don’t think you were patronising! I just thought you were being helpful. Maybe people think I’m being patronising sometimes....maybe we should just never attempt to be helpful.

She’s being way OTT - what a twat

She acted a bit crazy and Ott but you did come across as implying people would send their children in ill fitting wellies , that deserves an eye roll at least .

FWIW I think you're intentions were only to be helpful bu t I can see how others might have perceived your post as patronising.

That woman is never going to get any better, mark my words op. Give her a wide birth both online and irl. Personally I'd leave the fb group without delay too, absolutely no need for it in my opinion, DC are five and that online group chat thing will only deteriorate as the terms progress.....

Patronising? Smug? What the fuck am I reading here?

OP, a lot of Mums parents are very touchy (so it seems) and extremely prickly about anything that could be twisted into a criticism. It’s their problem, not yours.

You were helpful. Woman was batshit. Ignore, move on and don’t overthink it.

Totally agree with BrazenhussyO

Total over-reaction on her part.

But 'well-fitting boots'? Presumably everyone buys their kids 'well-fitting boots'.

And if they haven't, then a FB post on the morning of the activity is jack all use.

I can see how the comment might be misperceived - but her reaction does nothing but embarrass herself.

How the heck is it patronising? I'd have just read it as explaining about the steps as some won't have been before.
She massively over-reacted and sounds like she's projecting her own issues/insecurities onto you.
It's all well and good saying "oh it's patronising" but some poor sod has to sort out little Jimmy when he arrives in sanders
Exactly! Just roll your eyes (metaphorically speaking) and ignore her.

It's not patronising to give the advice. It's the way it's written and the fact it was given in response to that woman which makes it look patronising. Had she started her own separate post and said hey for anyone who hasn't been there the steps are windy and steep no one would have batted an eyelid.

No response on a thread like that should be taken so personally - she was obviously having an off moment! Op was clearly trying to be helpful, and may have prevented a twisted ankle or two in the process

Also, if you have ill fitting wellies should you have left them at home?wellies are always better than no wellies

OP - were you/are you a teacher or scout leader etc?

I would have taken your comment as well meaning but then panicked because all my DC wellies are passed down & never fit brilliantly, I.e. they are often a bit big.

I wouldn’t have felt patronised but inadequate because checking my kids’ wellies are well-fitting just isn’t on my radar, other than to make sure that a)they can get the boot on & it’s not too tight and b) it’s not ridiculously oversized.

Is welly-fitting a thing now??

Sorry. De-railed. Sounds like a bit of a competition for status

I'm a 65 yr old grandmother. There is nothing wrong with what you said. harmless comment. I would have said 'good point.' Some mothers are so supersensitive. And actually I think it would be better not taking children up those steps on a wet day.

She's nuts as well as hard work.