Fake engagement ring

[Poppy1324]

I got engaged 2 years ago and married a year ago, my engagement ring is huge, very eye catching and gets lots of attention. A few people have commented about how much it must have cost and people have said it’s 2 carat at least, my husband has always said it is a diamond and made comments about how much it set him back.

Several people have said it’s worth a fortune and I’ll have to get it insured, my husband agreed and said he’ll have to do it and he will give receipt to insurance so I don’t see how much he spent. A few weeks ago someone said it must be 15-20k worth of diamond! Now we don’t have that kind of money so I assumed they must be mistaken and put it out of my mind, then last weekend I was at a dinner and a friends husband who’s a jeweller noticed the ring made a huge fuss of it,his wife compared her ring which was half the size and then they chatted quietly to each other looking at the 2 rings and looked at me with what I can only describe as mixture of sympathy and confusion as they gave it back.

I probably shouldn’t have done this but it’s been playing on my mind, I know the name of the store so I just looked it up, found the exact ring and it’s cubic zirconia, it’s still lovely and it is expensive although obviously not 15k expensive.

I don’t have expensive things, never have, it’s always made me cringe the thought he has spent so much on a ring, it felt wrong when we have struggled for money and we have friends and family around us struggling to make ends meet. Although I was obviously happy to be engaged I’m not really the attention seeking type and I’ve always felt embarrassed at the huge amount of attention this ring gets.

I feel a bit uncomfortable now wearing a massive flashy attention seeking fake ring and pretending it’s a diamond, I don’t know much about diamonds, obviously! However other people do and I feel a bit embarrassed to wear it now I know.

I don’t know how much my husband knows about jewellery, perhaps he saw it was sparkly and assumed it was a diamond or more likely he has lied about it this whole time. I have happily worn it for 2 years and I don’t want to upset him or be ungrateful for what is still a lovely and expensive ring.

Do I ask him about it or just carry on wearing it, the majority of people won’t examine it and I’d guess most wont realise so does it really matter anyway.

This place is amazing. A man lies and deceives a woman he is marrying by pretending he’s spent tens of thousands of pounds on a ring for over two years. And OP is worried about hurting his feelings? And others are debating whether it’s a fake ring or not? Well if you keep fucking harping on to everyone something is a diamond and it is cubic zirconia, what is that?

It’s not a fake engagement ring as they’ve already married... so the engagement wasn’t fake. But the diamond certainly was.

Do you know what OP? I don’t believe for one moment this is an isolated incident.

What else is he lying about, if he can keep this going for years?

*Here is a pic of a diamond ring and a CZ ring.

Bet ya cannot tell which is which.*

Both are CZ

It could be real of course, but paying off a hefty amount of finance each month.

Does he lie about other things or is this a one off? If it’s a one-off it wouldn’t bother me too much (as it’s well meant), but if it’s part of a pattern then obviously you don’t want to marry someone you can’t trust to be honest.

hold up, the OP hasn't said how much the ring cost - perhaps £1K was a lot to spend at the time, so the DH got the most expensive ring he could afford, now he's embarrassed that everyone thinks it is worth £20K?

I think if it were me OP, I'd just ask him. Say you need to get it insured if it's worth over £1K (or whatever your insurance policy says), maybe even SAY you hope they aren't real diamonds as that would be bonkers and that you really love the design of it etc.

and he can't insure it in secret, can he, cos you will see the insurance policy documents, no?

Could you get your ring valued for insurance purposes - you can then show the valuation to your DH and see what he says then? If it’s real and worth 20k then you need to insure it - if it is fake you can then ask him why he didn’t tell you?

Doesn't matter what the ring is worth....it's the fact that he lied to you (and continues to lie to you) this has embarrassed you and made you feel like a fool.

Obviously you need to talk to him about it.

Sometimes I see a beautiful diamond ring in the jewellery case at an auction and I wish it was fake. Because then I might stand a chance of owning it.
Don't feel ashamed. If your ring is beautiful and you love it, that's the important thing.

Honestly I am not a materialistic person, but I would be furious at being lead to believe I was wearing a massive diamond for 2 years. Its embarrassing! I wouldnt show I was furious though, I'd just be a bit like, umm did you know it wasn't a real diamond?

Say this to him 'I read an article recently that advised all valuable jewellery should be valued by an accredited jeweller frequently for insurance purposes, regardless of whether you still have the receipt, I've done some research and xyz is the best jeweller so I've booked an appointment tomorrow, so we can get it properly insured'

See his reaction.

You could go and have it valued yourself, put your mind at rest. I got mine valued independently of my husband, he knew of course, they just needed doing so I did it myself. No eyebrows were raised, at the end of the day it's my jewellery to with as I please.
Our house insurance states that any single item worth over £800 needs to be specified on the paperwork in order to be correctly covered.

It could be real of course but paying off a hefty amount of finance each month

To me that would probably be worse! Getting into debt when as op says they are struggling financially. I wouldn't be happy wandering about with tens of thousands of pounds on my finger. And then having to pay insurance on top of that.

I'm surprised it's taken 3 years for it to occur to OP that he couldn't possibly afford it.
There's a reason the ring attracts so much attention because most normal people can't afford such a thing.

Didn't you wonder OP why no one else had a diamond ring as big as yours? It's rare to see great big diamonds on anyone. Apart from The Queen.

Thanks for the really helpful responses, I’ve not wanted to get anyones opinions in real life. I totally agree it’s a very first world problem and yes it’s not a fake ring really just fake diamond, as several people pointed out it doesnt really matter, and I couldn’t care less if it cost less in fact I am glad he didn’t spend a fortune on it as I’ve felt quite uncomfortable about having an expensive ring so in a way this is better.

I just feel a bit stupid and naive it is very very flashy and attracts attention so I’ve always been self conscious of it, Ive been asked if my dh was a footballer 😳.

To be fair I have been very naive thinking he could afford such a massive diamond, I just never really wanted to start googling.

No the jeweller person isn’t a friend, we were at a works dinner and I only barely really know his wife.

My dh is an intelligent enough man if he went ring shopping and saw smaller diamonds for thousands and this much cheaper he must have known. I don’t like he’s lied, I would have been happy with any ring. I am going to have to bring it up, although I don’t think I can start admitting it’s cz and style it out as all family and friends for the last 2 years think it’s real, well they think that I think it is 😳 they probably know full well so I just feel a bit daft

I like the comment about being mugged, I could tell him the jeweller man told me it was worth thousands, dh wasn’t there that night, and I’m worried about getting mugged and see what dh says!

I would ask your DH directly "My engagement ring, is it a diamond or is it CZ?" If he lies directly to you, say that you are pretty sure it's not, so could he be honest. Then ask him why he lied.

If it's drawing a lot of attention, and you don't like that, then stop wearing it, many woman only wear their wedding band - which is the ring you gave to symbolise your marriage vows, once you are actually married, your engagement ring is a pretty ring, but doesn't have the significance it did when engaged of "we will be getting married", when the wedding ring is a "we got married" symbol so rather makes it unnecesary.

I got burgled and every bit of jewellery i ever owned is lost. Does it even matter what it is. Its the memories that stay with you.

What a liar... I'd have a massive issue with the deceit.

But frankly very naive of you to have ever assumed it's a real diamond - surely you'd know if he's a footballer or a millionaire to afford a ring for tens of thousands.

And yes, CZ and man-made diamonds are different things. The latter usually come in much smaller sizes and are very expensive anyway. And you'd really need to be exceptionally clueless to mistake a CZ for a diamond, especially of that size when it's dead obvious. Possibly not so glaringly obvious for tiny stones.

Well it’s the deception that’s the problem isn’t it? Not the fact of whether the ring is a real diamond or not.

Is your DH a liar about other things OP? Although I guess you wouldn’t necessarily know :(

When CZ has been worn for a while it tends to look "worn" around the edges because it's softer than diamond so the sharp corners wear off. It also tends to absorb dirt and oil because it's porous, so can look a bit cloudy. That would be my main concern - the appearance of CZ deteriorates over time and how long will it last when worn every day?

My previous rings have been CZ as long as they look good that is my main thing.

Any chance of name dropping the jewellers it was purchased at

It’s definitely not diamond, I have found the actual ring online, its £300. The material isn’t important I would happily wear a ring made of any stone, I have a couple of pieces of jewellery that have been handed down by family and are next to worthless and I love them. It’s the ‘wow look at your ring that must have cost him a fortune’, dh smiling ‘yes but she’s worth’it me smiling slightly red faced at the extravagance, or conversations to that effect, makes me cringe. He’s away with work at the moment so I have a few days to think about it, yes the lie is really bothering me. He could have got a smaller diamond or just been honest I really wouldn’t have cared and he knows that.

well there's no way in hell he accidentally thought it was a diamond for £300

The most expensive CZ ring in H Samuels, is £179. The cheapest is £14.99

There is no way he paid over a grand for CZ. He'd have to be thick as mince.

Also, even if the stone is okay now, it won't last. It will go dull. I have an old CZ ring, it's totally cloudy now.

Tell him you love the ring however you want to know if he still has the receipt he used for insurance. You can mention the jeweller friend and say you're concerned he was scammed as it isn't what he was told he was buying. If he was ripped off you could get money back from the ones that frauded him(playing on his innocence the lousers!)and have a nice holiday fund with the money.

Gives him a chance to own up if it was an assumption that was made and he didn't know how to correct it, or he has to admit he lied to you intentionally.

My ex husband gave me £30 and sent me off to Argos to buy them he’d picked out.

This wouldn’t have bothered me in the slight but he then told his parents it cost £2k and made it very clear I had to go along with this. Urgh.

*the ring.