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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fake engagement ring

518 replies

Poppy1324 · 27/03/2018 13:53

I got engaged 2 years ago and married a year ago, my engagement ring is huge, very eye catching and gets lots of attention. A few people have commented about how much it must have cost and people have said it’s 2 carat at least, my husband has always said it is a diamond and made comments about how much it set him back.

Several people have said it’s worth a fortune and I’ll have to get it insured, my husband agreed and said he’ll have to do it and he will give receipt to insurance so I don’t see how much he spent. A few weeks ago someone said it must be 15-20k worth of diamond! Now we don’t have that kind of money so I assumed they must be mistaken and put it out of my mind, then last weekend I was at a dinner and a friends husband who’s a jeweller noticed the ring made a huge fuss of it,his wife compared her ring which was half the size and then they chatted quietly to each other looking at the 2 rings and looked at me with what I can only describe as mixture of sympathy and confusion as they gave it back.

I probably shouldn’t have done this but it’s been playing on my mind, I know the name of the store so I just looked it up, found the exact ring and it’s cubic zirconia, it’s still lovely and it is expensive although obviously not 15k expensive.

I don’t have expensive things, never have, it’s always made me cringe the thought he has spent so much on a ring, it felt wrong when we have struggled for money and we have friends and family around us struggling to make ends meet. Although I was obviously happy to be engaged I’m not really the attention seeking type and I’ve always felt embarrassed at the huge amount of attention this ring gets.

I feel a bit uncomfortable now wearing a massive flashy attention seeking fake ring and pretending it’s a diamond, I don’t know much about diamonds, obviously! However other people do and I feel a bit embarrassed to wear it now I know.

I don’t know how much my husband knows about jewellery, perhaps he saw it was sparkly and assumed it was a diamond or more likely he has lied about it this whole time. I have happily worn it for 2 years and I don’t want to upset him or be ungrateful for what is still a lovely and expensive ring.

Do I ask him about it or just carry on wearing it, the majority of people won’t examine it and I’d guess most wont realise so does it really matter anyway.

OP posts:

colditz · 27/03/2018 14:18

My ex did this to me. I was incredibly embarrassed by it. I'd have been much, much happier with a none-diamond looking ring, I've never liked diamonds. But also the lying made me feel like he thought I was stupid. A diamond ring of that size would have cost several thousand pounds, and we didn't have a pot to piss in, was I really supposed to believe it was a massive princess cut diamond? WHO is that THICK? Wait, he thinks I AM!

We split up for unrelated reasons but at the core of it, he thought I was a great deal stupider than I ever was and the stupid chunky cubic zirconia was a symptom.

StormcloakNord · 27/03/2018 14:19

Show us the ring OP

MsHarry · 27/03/2018 14:20

I agree with others that it's not about the value. Dh bought mine because he knew I liked the unusual shape. I also wear my DM's engagement ring which cost far less, has only semi precious stones in but is much bigger. It's that one that gets noticed. i like them both.

Trendy1 · 27/03/2018 14:22

Yes, the jeweller friend was very rude - a real friend?

Honestly, my DH has given me lovely pieces, all semi-precious rings, garnets, amethest, etc, so not remotely expensive. My plain old wedding band is the one I wear day in day out - when you get a few more pieces of jewellery as the years go by - anniversary, baby, eternity, etc, you will not worry so much about the engagement ring.

You love it, that's what matters - it could be a bit of old twine - in this case it is most definitely the thought that counts.

WillowWept · 27/03/2018 14:23

Either your DH had lied to you or he's been ripped off. The former being far more likely than the latter.

I wouldn't care what other people think but the lying by my DH would piss me off, it's crass and unnecessary.

diddl · 27/03/2018 14:23

Why does he say that it's a diaond if it isn't?

I would have thought that a lot of people might have guessed it isn't real.

goose1964 · 27/03/2018 14:24

Diamonds are a rip off. De Beers restrict the amount on the market to artificially inflate prices. You are more like to have flawless cubic zirconia than you are a flawless diamond.

And who says an engagement ring should be diamond and a multiple of monthly income, you guessed , De. Beers

I would be more concerned that he lied to you

DeputyBrennan · 27/03/2018 14:28

I can’t believe anybody would suggest that DH didn’t know himself that it wasn’t a diamond. As if.

Totally agree that the value of the ring is inherently unimportant, but I’d think a little less of my fiancé if he’d lied to me about it. Daft inferiority complex over not being able to afford the ‘real thing’ and feeling too embarrassed to bring it up to you, or assuming you were clueless enough to never realise? Neither is ideal.

orangesmartieseggs · 27/03/2018 14:29

I would bet you it was a lie that has spiralled out of control. He bought it, you assumed it was a diamond and he didn't know how to break it to you that it wasn't real. And as more and more people have commented on it being an expensive diamond, the more awkward he's felt.

As long as I liked the ring, the fact that it's not a real diamond wouldn't bother me. I would speak to him and tell him I knew it was fake, though. There's no need to let this carry on forever.

WillowWept · 27/03/2018 14:30

And depending on your circumstances Diddl is right many people may have guessed that it's not real. Realistically a genuine 2 carat diamond depending on cut/colour/clarity is going to be upward of 20k.

ArcheryAnnie · 27/03/2018 14:31

It's not a fake engagement ring, it's a real engagement ring. It was given to you on the occasion of your engagement. It's got a stone in it, and that stone isn't a diamond, but I don't see why that would matter.

flowerslemonade · 27/03/2018 14:33

I think it's possible he might not know. Some people are truly clueless about stuff like that.

About the receipt and not seeing how much he spent, some people are like that about gifts.

The jeweller 'friend' was really fucking rude and horrible, what a tit.

I'd confront your bf about it, not in a rude or funny way, but I wouldn't just leave the situation as it is.

colditz · 27/03/2018 14:33

Annie, do you not see the massive lie as an issue?

Lonesurvivor · 27/03/2018 14:34

I would speak to my husband about it if it were me. I wouldn't want to be lied to or him to be under the wrong impressions about the ring either.
I'd continue to wear the ring if you like it though.

LagunaBubbles · 27/03/2018 14:34

Yes I would be concerned why hes led you to believe its really expensive, tend to agree with orangesmartieseggs.

Trinity66 · 27/03/2018 14:34

It doesn't matter that an engagement ring isn't a diamond, it matters that the husband has lied to her about it and now she feels like an idiot

ArcheryAnnie · 27/03/2018 14:34

colditz ah, very true, yes I would.

NorksAreMessy · 27/03/2018 14:36

You have CZ in your ring, because you didn’t want to wear conflict diamonds, with all the connotations that they would bring?
Style it out :)

AprilW · 27/03/2018 14:36

The ring itself wouldn't bother me, but lying about it and basically bragging about how much it cost would be a huge issue. It's just so unnecessary, and it doesn't even sound like an ostentatious ring is your style at all.

PhuntSox · 27/03/2018 14:37

Sounds to me like he is going the extra mile to make his lie work. That would concern me.

EweDoEwe · 27/03/2018 14:37

my husband has always said it is a diamond and made comments about how much it set him back

You husband is a bit of a tool, isn’t he?

Not for buying you a ‘fake’ ring, but for lying about it.

Don’t think for a minute he genuinely believes it’s a diamond.

The fact that he wanted to keep the receipt, the valuation and the insurance out of your sight tells you all you need to know.

Olddear · 27/03/2018 14:37

There's no way on this earth he doesn't know the difference in cost between a 2 carat diamond ring and a cubic zirconia! To me, it doesn't matter how much you love it, he told you, or has let you believe, it's a diamond worth 15/20k and that's deceitful at best. That's why he is dealing with insurance, if you can indeed, insure a cz.

QueenofallIsee · 27/03/2018 14:39

I do get why you are embarrassed OP, for so many people to comment on the ring it must be quite ostentatious. I must say that your friends are quite crass, I can't imagine a situation when I would look to value a friends ring in a social setting!

If you love the ring then this is not an issue, if you actually don't really like it but felt like you should wear it due to its value then you are off the hook. Lots of married people don't wear their engagement ring every day, take it off! I would have to say to your husband that it was not necessary to mislead you, as the sentiment not the ring was what you valued though.

EasterRobin · 27/03/2018 14:39

I agree this was probably an assumption that got out of hand. Unless you actually asked him whether it was a diamond when he proposed, I'm guessing you made that assumption and it has gotten too late for him to tell the truth without upsetting you.

It is a nice ring and an expensive one. So that's all good on that side.

But you are married now, so you need to either tell him nicely that you know, or give him an easy way to tell you himself.

AprilW · 27/03/2018 14:40

Also, if it's really eye-catching, stop wearing it! Final insult would be getting mugged by someone who thinks you've got $20k of diamonds on your hand.

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