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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fake engagement ring

518 replies

Poppy1324 · 27/03/2018 13:53

I got engaged 2 years ago and married a year ago, my engagement ring is huge, very eye catching and gets lots of attention. A few people have commented about how much it must have cost and people have said it’s 2 carat at least, my husband has always said it is a diamond and made comments about how much it set him back.

Several people have said it’s worth a fortune and I’ll have to get it insured, my husband agreed and said he’ll have to do it and he will give receipt to insurance so I don’t see how much he spent. A few weeks ago someone said it must be 15-20k worth of diamond! Now we don’t have that kind of money so I assumed they must be mistaken and put it out of my mind, then last weekend I was at a dinner and a friends husband who’s a jeweller noticed the ring made a huge fuss of it,his wife compared her ring which was half the size and then they chatted quietly to each other looking at the 2 rings and looked at me with what I can only describe as mixture of sympathy and confusion as they gave it back.

I probably shouldn’t have done this but it’s been playing on my mind, I know the name of the store so I just looked it up, found the exact ring and it’s cubic zirconia, it’s still lovely and it is expensive although obviously not 15k expensive.

I don’t have expensive things, never have, it’s always made me cringe the thought he has spent so much on a ring, it felt wrong when we have struggled for money and we have friends and family around us struggling to make ends meet. Although I was obviously happy to be engaged I’m not really the attention seeking type and I’ve always felt embarrassed at the huge amount of attention this ring gets.

I feel a bit uncomfortable now wearing a massive flashy attention seeking fake ring and pretending it’s a diamond, I don’t know much about diamonds, obviously! However other people do and I feel a bit embarrassed to wear it now I know.

I don’t know how much my husband knows about jewellery, perhaps he saw it was sparkly and assumed it was a diamond or more likely he has lied about it this whole time. I have happily worn it for 2 years and I don’t want to upset him or be ungrateful for what is still a lovely and expensive ring.

Do I ask him about it or just carry on wearing it, the majority of people won’t examine it and I’d guess most wont realise so does it really matter anyway.

OP posts:
Teacuphiccup · 27/03/2018 16:46

I’d also be furious at this. I’d feel like an utter fool.
I couldn’t give a shit about the actual ring it’s more that he let me go around telling people it was real, I’d feel like an utter mug.

Original poster
Poppy1324 · 27/03/2018 16:47

Oh I totally admit I’ve been naive about this, but when he said it was diamond and he spent a lot and I’d just got engaged I couldn’t really ask for a receipt. And he had been known for random extravagances and getting into debt for things he can’t afford in the past. He is well paid so he could have afforded thousands not tens of thousands though. Thinking about the insurance conversations I asked him a few times if he had done it yet and he’s kept forgetting or not getting round to it. While I don’t think he’s a liar as such he is the type to exaggerate and has enjoyed the attention from this ring, more than I have to be honest!

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 27/03/2018 16:48

Anachronistic Did you go along with your ex’s lies?

Avasarala · 27/03/2018 16:49

The lieing and trying to big himself up infront of your friends by pretending to have spent thousands is the problem, and that needs confronting. There is no way he didn't know, and he's now embarrassed you infront of work colleague and husband as you were thinking it was real and they'll be laughing at you on the way home.

Also, what if you passed that ring down to your children etc... all the while he's lieing about what it is. If you have a son and he used it to propose, he'd end up with a pissed off fiance.

It doesn't matter if it was £50 or £5000, you should still know exactly what you're wearing.

BlueSapp · 27/03/2018 16:50

and why does this matter?

BusterTheBulldog · 27/03/2018 16:52

That’s pretty rubbish poppy, I bet a lot of people know and are rolling their eyes at him behind his back. As others have said I’d give him a chance to come clean, but it’s pretty awful behaviour. I think suggesting jeweller valuation for insurance is a good one.

JoJoSM2 · 27/03/2018 16:53

he is the type to exaggerate

If it's just an exaggeration rather than a pathetic lie and ongoing deceit in your book, then carry on wearing it and enjoy.

I'm sure more people would have noticed but were too polite to comment.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 27/03/2018 16:53

I agree, it's humiliating that he's lied not just to you, to everyone. It's also mugging you off and making you look a fool because anyone who knows the price of diamonds would probably be sceptical but perhaps too polite to say to your face?

He has a lot of explaining to do Sad It's possible he started off lying to save face in front of family or something and it's now snowballed and turned into a big fat lie, but still!
I'd be tempted not to wear the ring now. You have your wedding ring.

kimanda · 27/03/2018 16:53

Re @anachronistic I rest my case. Many men lie and bullshit to impress people, and make themselves seem better and bigger than they are. It's textbook. The less successful and less rich the man, the bigger the 'tall tales' and lies.

Bouledeneige · 27/03/2018 16:54

Yes I'd feel embarrassed and a bit conned that I'd looked foolish in front of other people. And him lying to impress people including you - it doesnt speak well of him.

But dont, as some here have suggested, make up another lie - about jewellers, insurance or ads. Just say you've realised its not real - tell him what you've told us about the jeweller's behaviour. There's no point more lies and deception.

I'm worried though that he might keep up the lie!

abigailsnan · 27/03/2018 16:55

Yours husband gave you this ring with his love and I think you should wear it with love don't even think about the jeweller he is incredabily rude to have behaved in such a way.
The cost is not important imo if he thought it was a diamond then believe him other people don't matter.

Viviennemary · 27/03/2018 16:56

If he's given it to you and knows it's a fake I think this just isn't on. If somebody did that to me I'd end the relationship. It's a pretty low down thing to do IMHO.

Original poster
Poppy1324 · 27/03/2018 16:56

I’m off work this week and he’s away so I think I’ll tell him I got it valued, no point actually getting it valued since I know exactly how much it was! Then tell him jeweller says £300 and it’s a cubic zirconia and see what he says.

OP posts:
Avasarala · 27/03/2018 16:57

I just... I'm a jeweller and what I hear from clients all the time is that it's the meaning behind it. The memories you have with jewellery, the knowledge that once you're gone, your children and grandchildren will have it and cherish it. It becomes a part of your your history and your future.
And yours represents a lie.

A lot of people don't give a crap about jewellery, but if you're one of those who do (and I certainly am) then this is just wrong.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 27/03/2018 16:57

God he sounds pathetic, buying you a footballers wives ring to make himself look like Mr.Generous and lying all the while making you look a fool.

I would email him a link to the ring you found online, simply say "I came across this online is this my ring?" Nothing more or less, he will either admit or keep lying, if he admitted it I would just tell him that he's need to be the I.AM has embarrassed you and move on, if he lies after you asking straight out I would be furious!

BoomBoomsCousin · 27/03/2018 16:57

I don’t think the actual ring is a problem (and it seems neither do you). But the deceit over it is.

Does he kind of play you like this at other times? Imply or outright lie or let you think things that turn out not to be the case but benefit him?

Or is it possible he thought you would obviously realise it wasn’t diamond and that you are just going along with the “joke”? Or possibly could he think you don’t think of it as a joke but are actually disappointed that it’s not a real diamond and so he thinks he is going along with your deception because to him it seems like you actually really wanted it to be a huge diamond and he’s embarrassed with what he did get you? It’s been a long for you to think he’s spent £15k+ that you know you can’t afford and not have discussed it and your financial situation.

BoomBoomsCousin · 27/03/2018 16:58

*been a long time

mummyhaschangedhername · 27/03/2018 16:59

I think it's disappointing he mislead you and especially if the ring is flashy. There is no way he could have thought diamond for £300 surely, so it does seem like a deliberate thing.

The stone or the money isn't the issue. It doesn't have to be an expensive ring, but the deception is an issue and it made you at the very least, feel foolish.

Bluntness100 · 27/03/2018 16:59

Yeah, I have to say a man who can afford thousands and spends 300 quid then bullshits it's real to everyone , inc the fiancée, to make them think he spent thousands isn't ok in my book. That's not a very nice thing to do.

And Insurance threshold is normally 500 quid over and above household , so he's still lying. Clearly he wanted you and everyone else to think he'd spent a lot of money when actually he'd spent a lot less than he could easily afford. There is no way he didn't know this was a diamond if he spent 300 pounds and he's not an idiot.

For me, I'd wonder what else he was lying about. And I'd be embarrassed as others may have also looked up the ring and know, and not want to say anything because they think either you're both lying or you are unaware your marrying a man who would lie about something as important as your engagement ring due to what that ring is supposed to signify.

There is no issue in having a cz ring. There is a big issue in having a cz ring, telling your fiancée it's real and you spent a fortune on it, keeping the lie going and lying to all your friends and family because you don't want to admit you only spent 300 quid on it when you could have afforded much much more.

MissDuke · 27/03/2018 16:59

OP after reading it cost £300, I do think he has been very dishonest, which would definitely upset me in your shoes. Let us know what he says.

colditz · 27/03/2018 17:00

He hasn't given this ring with love, though. He's given it with a deliberate deception. People are focusing on the stone and it's not about the stone, it's about the message and the meaning behind the gift. The message this man is giving with this gift is "Here's a lie that I think you are too thick to see through, because I think too little of you and of our relationship to tell you the truth. You aren't worth the truth."

I have a little plastic panda that I treasure more than I would ever treasure the CZ ring that was a lie.

diddl · 27/03/2018 17:02

Why you you make a fool of someone you love to make yourself look good/generous?

Well, make a fool of himself as well.

ThatEscalatedQuickly · 27/03/2018 17:04

It matters because he lied and was happy to let others assume he'd spent a fortune, ultimately leaving the OP embarrassed.

It's not the ring, it's the lie.

Avasarala · 27/03/2018 17:04

@Poppy1324

A valuation will never come back for £300 so I wouldn't tell him that you got one for that if I were you. Jewellery valuations are almost worthless and never really reflect the actual cash value of a piece. They're for insurance purposes and are almost always inflated.

What you'd want is an appraisal, but for a piece of costume jewellery (which this ring is), it wouldn't be valued at much. For £300, I'm assuming it's either silver or hollow gold.

AddictedtoSnickers · 27/03/2018 17:05

Just tell him that you need to take the issue to trading standards - he has been ripped off majorly as you have had your diamond ring valued for the insurance and you have discovered that it is a CZ. Say you will be suing the jewellers and you need the receipt and more details from him. I would be seriously pissed off. Think of all the people who you have shown your ring to who will have been thinking either 'what a fool' or even worse 'what a liar she is'.