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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think of you throw your teenager out you don’t dictate the rules

152 replies

MaitlandGirl · 27/03/2018 12:11

So our family of 5 has just become a family of 6 as one of DD2s friends (17 year old girl) has just moved in. Her parents threw her out after one too many disagreements (fault on both sides) and her parents have tried to dictate to me the rules she needs to have in our house.

We’ve already told her she’ll have to follow the (I think very reasonable) rules of the house and that we’ll treat her exactly the same as the other three.

She’s a good kid and we won’t have any problems (well no more than we have with ours) and we’re happy to have her here but her parents got my back up with their demands.

So, AIBU to think that if you throw your teenager out you don’t contact the people taking them in insisting that they follow your rules and treat their child different to your own?

OP posts:
TenancyTroublesAgain · 27/03/2018 12:14

Yeah they forego their right when they no longer want her living under their roof. And people can move out at 17 anyway. What would they say if she was in her own place?! Same thing.

Mightymucks · 27/03/2018 12:15

I’m guessing her parents are extremely controlling and can’t deal with her growing up which is where the conflict is from?

You’re doing a lovely thing BTW.

YesILikeItToo · 27/03/2018 12:16

You would seem to be undeniably reasonable. I can’t get my head round it, really, unless they perceive it as more of an agreed plan than an actual eviction?

acornsandnuts · 27/03/2018 12:16

Hell no. Tell them to jog on. Maybe their rules are what began the breakdown in their relationship with their daughter in the first place.

PinkHeart5914 · 27/03/2018 12:17

No you don’t kick your child out ( who the fuck does that unless they have done something truly awful) and then try and tell you what rules you need to set for them I mean if they cared they wouldn’t of kicked her out.

How nice of you to take her in, she’s a lucky girl to have your dd as a friend and you being so welcoming

SleepFreeZone · 27/03/2018 12:18

Do you think they’re pissed off with you as they were trying the tough love approach and you’ve basically fucked that up by giving her a place to stay with few rules attached?

Trinity66 · 27/03/2018 12:18

So basically they want you to treat her like they did....that worked out very well clearly Grin

StylishMummy · 27/03/2018 12:19

OP you're my hero, taking in another teenager is a huge commitment but sounds like you know exactly what you're doing. I wish my parents had the same approach to an old friend of mine, her life may have turned out differently

Scabetty · 27/03/2018 12:20

Your home so your rules.

HollyBayTree · 27/03/2018 12:21

Have you applied in loco parentis for any benefits that you may be entitled to for privately fostering her?

AgnesBrownsCat · 27/03/2018 12:22

She sounds like quite a handful if her parents resorted to throwing her out . I do agree that your house your rules though . Good luck !

Lacucuracha · 27/03/2018 12:23

YANBU. You should ask them for a financial contribution. Looking after a 4th person will incur costs. If they won't pay, they lose any say.

Catspaws · 27/03/2018 12:24

Well done OP, what a generous and lovely and decent thing you have done.

I agree that the girl's parents don't get to dictate the rules. It's one thing if they want to keep in touch regarding her general wellbeing and you might be able to mediate some kind of resolution to their problems, but if you're the one looking after her now, you're the one who gets to decide what the rules are.

The world needs more people like you.

MorningsEleven · 27/03/2018 12:25

Any kid in my house is treated like one of my own, same rules, same expectations, same rewards.

MsJolly · 27/03/2018 12:26

Your house, your rules. Presumably your kids aren't running round the neighbourhood stealing cars so should be ok IMO!
And Flowers for being so lovely

LagunaBubbles · 27/03/2018 12:27

YANBU. What rules are they trying to get you to implement?

Jaxhog · 27/03/2018 12:39

Your house, your rules.

Who kicks out their own young daughter? They have absolutely no right to dictate YOUR rules! Unless you're involving her in criminal activity, of course. They should be grateful she's somewhere safe and not on the streets.

jannier · 27/03/2018 12:43

I would tell them to be grateful their daughter is not out on the streets sleeping rough and open to abuse attack etc. And ask them how much they are going to pay for her upkeep if they are genuinely worried for her wellbeing and safety.

I'm guessing they hoped she would come crawling back and agree to tow the line and now its backfired.

billybagpuss · 27/03/2018 12:47

Well done and you are absolutely right your house, your rules.

I did the same thing 2 years ago with dd2 bf (separate bedrooms) he’s a completely different lad know very polite confident and great fun.

IamAporcupine · 27/03/2018 12:48

I am a bit Confused - they kicked her out and expect to have a say?!

I am also very curious re. what rules they want to impose.

turnipfarmers · 27/03/2018 12:48

your house, your rules. They need to either take care of her properly themselves or keep out of it.

Mightymucks · 27/03/2018 12:48

What were the rules out of interest?

OohMavis · 27/03/2018 12:52

What a lovely thing you're doing, OP. I wish someone like you had been there for me when I was thrown out at the age of 16.

Of course they have no say. That's not how it works.

StormTreader · 27/03/2018 12:52

Sounds like they "kicked her out", ie wanted her to sleep on someones sofa for a few days and then beg to come back. Theyre treating this new situation like shes just at a sleepover.

Jux · 27/03/2018 12:55

Your house, your rules. Her parents are not thinking straight right now though.

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