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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish that going for a first trimester abortion was seen like have a tooth out?

477 replies

QueenArseClangers · 27/03/2018 11:26

Without all the societal guilt and judgement heaped upon women?
I really wished it was viewed as a bog standard procedure, I’m sure women would feel a lot more in control of their reproductive health if it was.

OP posts:
Ivebeenaroundtheblock · 29/03/2018 00:18

I've met both dr's and nurses who do not participate in abortions on ethical grounds.

ReversingSnail · 29/03/2018 00:18

It can certainly be a medical necessity.

ReversingSnail · 29/03/2018 00:20

"I've met both dr's and nurses who do not participate in abortions on ethical grounds."

And of course there are many who do participate in this work, for ethical reasons.

Mydoghatesthebath · 29/03/2018 00:21

clarissa

West do you mean it’s not a medical necessary? Of course it is if you don’t want to have the baby?

And why would you assume it takes a lot of thought bless you?

Lots of women may think ‘holy fuck I am pregnant this isn’t happening ‘ and abort.

Could we just please dispense with the Catherine Cookson drama? V

Mydoghatesthebath · 29/03/2018 00:24

Ive me too so again what’s your point?

In 1982 we had a choice to be in theatre where abortions where taking place or not??

And

Ollivander84 · 29/03/2018 00:24

For me people say "but it's a baby! You can't have an abortion that easily!"
Surely that's why people should. Because having a child is a bigger thing than having an abortion
I use two forms of contraception as I'm terrified of getting pregnant again, as if I did I would have to terminate. I can't afford a child and it wouldn't be fair to have a baby just because I wanted one

Ollivander84 · 29/03/2018 00:26

I should add I don't have DC. I desperately wanted the baby when I got pregnant and was suicidal after the termination. I had around a year of counselling to try and help. But financially, I couldn't have done it. Hence the two forms of contraception now because I can't ever go through that again

Mydoghatesthebath · 29/03/2018 00:32

olivander

Keep posting and you know we will be here for you. Life Is complicated and sometimes shite xxxx unmumsnetty hug 🤗

Clarissa111 · 29/03/2018 00:42

I wasn’t trying to offend anyone. But an abortion is a choice. Not a necessity. Unless on medical advice. And I meant that some have abortions and then really regret them. That’s why they take thought. I’m not against them, and have supported my friend through one. And also thought seriously about it myself. But it’s not like having a tooth removed is it? It may not be a baby, but has the potential to be one. It’s a decision that changes your life.

Ollivander84 · 29/03/2018 00:50

Clarissa - of course it can be a necessity! How do you provide financially for a child if you can't afford one? Or if you have severe HG? Or you're on drugs that cause deformities?
It can change your life but my god, a baby will change it more, every single time. But people seem to be oh yes, have the baby! But mention termination and it's all think carefully and do this and you might regret it and two doctors to sign it off. But have the baby, you don't need two doctors to say you're ok to do that Confused
Makes no sense to me whatsoever that to get rid of a foetus you need more consent/hoop jumping etc than to bring another actual life human into the world

ChainVaper · 29/03/2018 00:51

I’m pro choice but not sure about this. Personally I would welcome a bit more emotional support having a termination than having a tooth pulled but as this thread has shown we are all different. Help should be there if needed . If it becomes on par with a tooth extraction that’s not going to happen. Don’t think op is being unreasonable- it’s obviously her attitude and feelings towards the way it is administered through the nhs and her personal feelings towards the procedure itself. Completely different for others though. No right or wrong- personal choice

Clarissa111 · 29/03/2018 00:57

I’m sorry, I don’t know what HG is? And I understand financial difficulties etc. I agree having a baby is a big decision, but so is an abortion. I’m not putting anyone down that’s made that choice. I’m just saying it is a big choice. It’s not the same as having a tooth removed. Surely you can see that? I’m not saying yes have the baby whoo hoo. Just be sure an abortion is what you want.

YourWanMajella · 29/03/2018 00:58

But it’s not the same as having a tooth out? It’s a procedure that takes a lot of thought. Not a medical necessity

But it doesn't take a lot of thought for some people. It doesn't always take any thought at all. And it is a medical necessity.

Why can't people understand that for some people its not a massive anguishing huge decision at all?

Clarissa111 · 29/03/2018 01:00

I’ve never thought of it like that. Maybe it isn’t a big choice for some people? Tbh that’s shocked me a bit. But not in a bad way. Always good to hear others opinions.

YourWanMajella · 29/03/2018 01:01

I don't know why it worries you so much about abortion being viewed as an ethical dilemma, you have a perfectly valid ethical position as pro-choice, ie a woman has the right to choose what to do with her own body. It is about ethics, because it's about the issue of when life begins. It's discussed in Ethics seminars and essays at universities up and down the country

Christ fucking almighty, how many times do you need to be told the same thing? It doesn't bother me at all that other people see it as an ethical issue.
Why does it bother you so much that I don't? Why can't you understand that I don't? and that I'm not the only one?

You cannot say it is an ethical thing for everyone, because it is not. What are you fucking confused about when I've explained it 5 times to you?

Clarissa111 · 29/03/2018 01:16

I hope that wasn’t aimed at me? Very rude. An abortion IS an ethical choice, whether you like that or not. It’s not a simple tooth extraction. It’s removing a potential life. And if some women think it’s nothing, that’s ok. Up to them. I wouldn’t judge. We all know ourselves better than anyone else. But to most women, it’s a massive decision that they have to make. And some have regrets over it. Just because to you it’s nothing, that doesn’t mean that to others it is.

YourWanMajella · 29/03/2018 01:20

Were you the person quoted? Not it wasn't aimed at you, but it is now.
STOP FUCKING SAYING that is it an ethical choice for EVERYONE.

You don't understand what the word ethics means!

YourWanMajella · 29/03/2018 01:21

And also stop saying that it is a massive decision for everyone. IT IS NOT.

What the fuck is wrong with people here? You can't understand that people think differently to you? My 2 year old understands that.

Clarissa111 · 29/03/2018 01:24

If you’d actually read it, you’d see that I’d said that maybe it isn’t a massive decision for some, and I’ve learnt something.
Still think you are rude. You can disagree without insulting people!
And yes you did quote me.

YourWanMajella · 29/03/2018 01:39

In a different post Hmm
You said that you had learned that it wasn't a massive decision, then immediately posted again saying that it was. Get a grip of yourself

Clarissa111 · 29/03/2018 02:00

I said a massive decision for most women, not all. I’m not ashamed to admit that I may have been wrong in my thinking. And I have learnt something by reading different points of view. No need to be rude if you disagree. I’m new here, and don’t know how to quote etc. As I said, I don’t want to offend. But we all have different points of view. That’s what makes the world go round.

applesandpears56 · 29/03/2018 02:02

It’s very sad if it isn’t a big decision

Yourwan - I think you protest too much - No one can be that cold about it.

I’m pro choice but it has a heart beat - life - that is independent of you, it’s mother - it’s not part of you it’s inside you - albeit it can’t survive on its own yet. Whatever decision you make and are happy with, that is a massive decision which ought to be treated with the gravitas it deserves. And what’s more the people making that decision need the appropriate time and support to do so. Minimising it doesn’t help anyone imo. If you genuinely are fine and find it easy to make the decision - great - but don’t take away the support from people - the majority of people - who find it harder and who are more affected

YourWanMajella · 29/03/2018 02:02

You don't get to have a point of view about how I or any other woman feels, that's the point. You're not entitled to that. Speak for your own self only.

YourWanMajella · 29/03/2018 02:05

Yourwan - I think you protest too much - No one can be that cold about it

I don't accept your terms. I don't find it cold, or sad if its not a big deal. Who are you to judge me or anyone else?

that is a massive decision which ought to be treated with the gravitas it deserves

NO IT ISN''T, FOR EVERYONE. Why do I have to keep saying this? Why can't you accept that its not a big deal for everyone, there is no gravitas involved?

That is literally OP's point. Stop attaching your own feelings and value judgements to every other woman. You can only speak for you.

applesandpears56 · 29/03/2018 02:30

Actually no - the op’s original post is saying she wishes everyone viewed it like she did...

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