To think waiting rooms are not playgrounds

[FairfaxAikman]

Feeling like utter crap today and functioning on very little sleep as a result I hauled myself to a GP appointment this morning.
In the waiting room was a toddler who was LOUD!
They were running around the whole of the large waiting room pushing a large digger and shouting and squealing at the top of their voice.

I'm all for kids playing and enjoying themselves, but AIBU to think a Doctors waiting room, which is full of sick people, is not the time or place for it?

Nikephorus Wow you are brave! I got lambasted and it took me by surprise. To be fair, what I said was a bit ambiguous and I did not realise it could be seen a different way until it happened!
I think that there have always been a few parents who do not encourage their children to not upset other people. The problem for me just recently was that there seemed to be a lot more of them around!
PersianCatLady I hope you aren't wrong, because I do that sort of thing too! Luckily I live in an area where people are generally friendly and easy-going and like it if you talk to their children - obviously when the children are with the person looking after them!
PeonyTruffle Hurray! I'm so glad you said that! I'm sure the majority of parents do the same. It's just good to hear! If your 3yr old were ill and grumpy, no one would expect him to be compliant and easy-going while waiting, but your trying to sooth him would warm everyone's heart.

Lizzie48 No, she did not stand a chance, It explains everything, why she had no idea about providing a loving environment. I expect it is why your DD uses rages as part of her "vocabulary" of self-expression when frustrated. So sad to hear. However, it helps to understand why things are happening now and, best of all, know that you are doing everything right by demonstrating love, support, care and stability. The experience of security might be given a lot of testing by your DD in order for her to really believe that she has a permanent home and family. When you are firm with her, as you must be for she must not be allowed to hurt you or her sister, I'm sure you always say "I love you, I will always look after you. I am helping you to stop hurting (name).... because you must not do that."

Thank you for your advice, @Ellyess you're being so very helpful. We're actually reading the later life letter to her tomorrow. There are two letters, one for primary school aged children and one for teenagers. She's asking so many questions about why she was adopted, we're going to spend time with her to give her answers to at least some of her questions. DD2 will be at a party so it's the ideal opportunity.

She and her little sister both went straight into foster care so were never with their birth parents. They also have 2 other siblings who were adopted by other families, who they do know about.

Count yourself lucky that you weren't feeling like crap on very little sleep AND looking after a toddler

I have had times when my two DS who are very close together in age have been loud and bouncy in a waiting room. When the Dr. keeps you waiting 40 mins past your appointment it is very hard to keep two small boys from getting bored no matter how many toys and books and snacks you have and how much shushing you do. A woman in the dentists had a go at me once for talking quietly to my boys to keep them occupied as her son who was about 25 had a toothache. I said to her "they are just little." She said "But you're not" so I shut my mouth and they ended up laughing and rolling around on the floor with the rest of the waiting room laughing and joining in talking to them. The woman couldnt have a go at me then as I was silent

Gottagetmoving
How delighted I am to see you say:
"..I felt it was my responsibility to teach my children from a young age that there were times and places where they had to play quietly" etc.
I tried to say something the same and was told I was a believer in 'children should be seen and not heard' and had terrible abuse thrown on me!

I think all kindly disposed people raise their children to behave appropriately according to the situations we regularly encounter and we start as early as it's feasible. When I tried to say this several pages back and was attacked so ferociously I felt completely beaten up! It made me never want to write here again.
Nikephorus seems to have encountered these people, or at least has summed them up!

Sure, OP.

Now, what’s your alternative suggestion? Because if you have a free and foolproof last minute way to avoid taking a toddler with you, or a guaranteed way to keep them quiet, you’ll be a billionaire.

So come on, let’s hear it!

pinkstripeycat That's so horrible for you! You've given yet another example of a good mum trying her best in a practically impossible situation. The other woman wasn't worth bothering about.
Good point about Doctors running late too - that makes life terribly hard. If only there could be somewhere for the children to play! But people will just say it will make things too expensive, I suppose. Yet I've seen places with very little space allocate a corner or end of corridor for younger children and provide activities.

IanRushesInadequateFlushes I'm not OP. Suggestion is just try and divert children's attention from noisy activity to something less disturbing for people who are ill. I think it's the apparent absence of any attempt to channel the children away from bothering people that made it so awful. Any normal person sympathises with a parent who's doing their best. The post came across as saying no one was looking after the children.

Some waiting rooms are great, just a few toys or books can make all the difference. It doesn't need a lot of money to be spent, just a little bit of thought to be put into it.

Oh yes it can be really annoying watching the little shits running up & down on the seats .... But I must admit that I find people talking loudly on their phone far more annoying.

Lizzie48 I will be thinking of you tomorrow. They are lucky little girls to have such loving parents! I know it's very demanding but you are doing such a worthwhile job. You may have to tell her lots of times that you chose her specially and she was always meant to be for you and that your family is exactly how it was meant to be and you are so glad she is yours. Don't worry if you say it 10 times a day!
God bless you all (hope that's ok, ignore if not) Much love E

@Ellyess When my toddler is getting restless or a bit upset there is nothing better than a new person taking an interest in her. It’s normally older women who do this, and it’s usually interesting enough to change her direction.

I see a lot of kids being told to shut up when they are just asking questions about the world around them, I see them being treated as a nuisance by their own parents, so I don’t really mind about kids making a bit of noise, playing. I think a lot of what I hear from parents asking their kids to be quiet is more about feeling like they have to prove they’re doing something to the people around them, rather than actually teaching anything. The toddler is rarely able to take it on board.

I see a lot of parents just doing their best, and we don’t know what kind of upbringing they had themselves. For some people showing their kids love is a real achievement because no one ever showed them any. If their kids are running about it really doesn’t matter.

Ellyess viciously attacked to quote you...

FairfaxAikman Cripes! Lucky I wasn't there! Lucky for the brats I mean. No! YANBU!

It's not fair on the reception staff, but I wish they could have a word with whoever is with these kind of kids and say either shut them up or get them out. Most Waiting Rooms have a little area with toys for kids. Even when there, I expect them to play quietly.

You have certainly changed your tune and seem to be saying you are tolerant of children. It’s a shame you were so rude about the “brats” initially!

No, that's very appreciated, Ellyess DH and I are committed Christians so I'm very touched. It might be better to continue via PM, though, as we're derailing the thread here.

Lizzie48 Yes that would be good!

I have a few medical conditions and because of this I have to visit the doctor regularly. I also have 2 children, 6 and 3. Before we go in to the surgery I always say to them that there's lots of poorly people in the waiting room and that they need to play quietly. They do, I take with me books, paper, crayons, stickers, carrot sticks etc.
Mine on the whole manage to stay quiet. If you engage with them and plan ahead it's much easier for all.

I would be mortified if mine played up like this. It does show a lack of respect for others. Whatever to empathy?

I have a few medical conditions and Before we go in to the surgery I always say to them that there's lots of poorly people in the waiting room and that they need to play quietly. They do, I take with me books, paper, crayons, stickers, carrot sticks etc. Mine on the whole manage to stay quiet. If you engage with them and plan ahead it's much easier for all

I do this too but she still runs around noisily. I try to avoid giving her snacks in case she spits them out or squashes them into the carpet.

Some toddlers are just more docile than others. My niece loves to do colouring, drawing or sit and be read to, but my DD rarely sits still for more than 5 seconds. She's very excitable and active. She also likes to greet strangers and chat to them. My niece is very shy and hides her face if a stranger speaks to her.

To the poster saying toddlers shouldn't 'bother' anyone, how do you suggest handling it when your 2 year old says hello to a stranger in the waiting room, or initiates conversation? Shouldn't we be encouraging politeness and a willingness to engage with people? Lots of people respond positively to her, so I'm loathe to say 'don't bother the lady' when she's just practicing social skills.

It’s rotten when people ignore children @OneStepSideways. I don’t expect anyone to want to entertain my children and just encourage my toddler to come back to me, if they’re not enthusiastic, but plenty of people come and ‘bother’ you (or start a conversation if you enjoy it) and it’s only children that get ignored, just because people think they can get away with it. They wouldn’t do that to an adult who fancied a chat, however unwelcome.

One-step.
My three year old won't talk to anyone either and loves to run about especially if her sister is with her. It's hard to keep them occupied quietly. I agree there needs to be tolerance towards children and I'm sure you and I do our best to keep the children as quiet as possible. However there are those who don't. The Mum who is on her phone constantly and ignores her rambunctious toddler. Which is infuriating and looks bad for all of us who do try. It's usually the older generation who tut or complain I find, I think they've forgotten what it was like to have young children.
I try, where possible to ask family to look after my girls when I need to go to the doctors or hospital.

I was sitting in a&e waiting room with 2 fractures in my lumber spine (obviously didn’t know how much damage I’d done as I waited my turn). The family sitting next to me allowed their young child to jump up and down on the chair next to mine (chairs are anchored together in a&e).

Surely tolerance and respect for others works both ways?

Read this with interest tinged with guilt. Years ago my dsis was taken ill and rushed into hospital leaving dh and I with her children. 10 year old was no problem. 16month old was more challenging. Then I got a phone call from her nursery to say that they thought she needed to see the Dr because she'd become unwell. I raced down from work collected her and her buggy and walked her up to the gp. Gp was running late and waiting room was crowded. Niece wanted to run round the waiting room pushing her buggy. When I wouldn't let her she started to scream. And screamed and screamed at top volume for the next hour. Nothing I could do had any impact -even taking her outside didn't dampen the volume any according to the gp (though to be fair this was a young unwell child whose mother had -to her- vanished leaving her with clueless aunt and when we saw the Dr it turned out her eardrum had just burst)It remains one of the most painfully embarrassing experiences of my life. I still think it would have probably been less disruptive if I'd just let her run round in the first place.

OneStepSideways my son who has severe autism is scared of toddlers and becomes very distressed if they approach us. You need to be aware that not everyone wants social interaction particularly in a place that they already find overwhelming. A toddler bothering us can be the last straw before a huge noisy aggressive meltdown.

I unfort have spent a lot of time in Pediatric hospital waiting rooms - and I actually very rarely see 2 year olds or any other age running around. I do think it helps for even small children to know there are times it’s ok to run around and times it’s not ok. Yanbu.

OneStep, when I carry on reading my Kindle and don’t interact with your DD please tell her to stop bothering me. If you really don’t notice, tell her when I’ve sent her back to you. It’s fine for her to practice social skills when people want to talk, but please understand some of us don’t, especially if we are feeling ill.