Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To think waiting rooms are not playgrounds

380 replies

FairfaxAikman · 27/03/2018 10:36

Feeling like utter crap today and functioning on very little sleep as a result I hauled myself to a GP appointment this morning.
In the waiting room was a toddler who was LOUD!
They were running around the whole of the large waiting room pushing a large digger and shouting and squealing at the top of their voice.

I'm all for kids playing and enjoying themselves, but AIBU to think a Doctors waiting room, which is full of sick people, is not the time or place for it?

OP posts:
Ellyess · 29/03/2018 18:53

Rita2u I think you are missing the point. The point was that the children were allowed to run riot noisily with no one trying to get them to be quieter. Everyone sympathises with a person trying to encourage a young child to be calm and quiet when they are feeling lively. You seem to like to jump to conclusions and not take on board what a person actually says. Who said anything about children being not heard? Or about 2 year olds? No one expects a 2 year old to be quiet. It is good to have a 2 year old encouraged to be quiet and calm by reading to them or doing something to encourage them not to run around being noisy. Did you not read what the OP wrote? God help your children's Teachers when they meet you!

Rita2u · 29/03/2018 18:57

😂😂😂 I can’t even reply to that...

You must have been world renowned to make that assessment, yet not engage with the child!!!

Sleepyblueocean · 29/03/2018 18:58

The word 'handicap' is not used by medical practitioners when talking to patients. Surely you should know that.

Ellyess · 29/03/2018 19:00

RainbowBriteRules Don't be downhearted! I think any parent with a noisy child who is trying to encourage their child to calm down (if the situation needs it) gets everyone's sympathy! People who don't know how hard it is to keep little ones calm in places like waiting rooms probably haven't had to look after them. It's just when no one even tries to encourage them to settle down that it gets exasperating. After all, as OP said, people aren't feeling well. But you are obviously a good mum who tries to get your children to go along with the situation in the appropriate way. If the children don't respond, despite your trying, well, no one could blame you! We just sympathise!

Ellyess · 29/03/2018 19:02

Sleepyblueocean Who said I was talking to a patient?

Sleepyblueocean · 29/03/2018 19:05

Clearly your people skills need some updating.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 29/03/2018 19:11

For me the worst ones were the parents who allowed their children to keep going up and bothering people in the waiting room. I just ignored them but it was very annoying. I’ve got limited patience at the best of times, and even less when I’m ill.

BustopherJones · 29/03/2018 19:18

The OP said a toddler. 1-3 is toddler really isn’t it? I wouldn’t expect a toddler to understand the instruction to be quiet. My 2 year old would copy me whispering for 4 seconds then stomp round yelling I’M BEING QUIET really proud of herself. If we read a book she’ll shout along with her favourite bits, and what she really wants to do somewhere we don’t often go is explore and run about.

I will try my best to occupy her - of course I will, because a frustrated toddler who wants to leave a confined space is no fun for anyone, but I have to take her with me, in a buggy, with my newborn in a sling. Anything I can do to keep her calm and happy I’m going to already be doing for completely selfish reasons! But people’s expectations are way off.

I don’t take mine out to eat unless I have an extra pair of hands because I can’t guarantee to be able to manage the toddler when I’m feeding the baby. I won’t be getting my hair cut any time soon, either, because that sounds like a nightmare. But I can’t avoid their medical appointments.

Ellyess · 29/03/2018 19:31

Sleepyblueocean In fact I have heard a renowned Consultant/Professor ask his patient how much of a handicap his problem is and what could be done to alleviate the burden of handicap!

I think you are thinking of the word in a different way. I never use it as a label for a person. I have never done so in fact. It is used concerning how one gets on with life. For example, after a head injury, there can be multiple "losses of function" -that is a medical or science term, not what I'd say in the clinic. So, working with the patient, we try to get their life back together the way they want to as far as we can. This means we don't always do the same thing for everybody. One person wants to address one thing first, another hates not being able to do something else. The word handicap comes in here because the person describes the problems they are having in terms of the way the problems handicap them when they want to do something, so we try to find ways of addressing their aims, providing equipment, building computer programmes, therapies and so on which reduce that handicap in as many ways as we can (reducing pain, making movement easier, giving more strength, learning a different way of doing it because the brain can't do it the old way..).So it's the "handicap" that is preventing the person getting back to doing what they love to do, which we attack from all sides to reduce as much as possible. It is a long road and not always possible but a lot can be done..

I hope this helps you see that the word is not used as a general term under which people are put any more, Heaven Forbid! It applies to the problems that a person confronts when they have had, say, an accident, and are unable to just do something they automatically could do before. E.g., I am disabled and cannot walk very far. (this is true by the way). My handicap is that when I stand or walk I get a lot of pain. So if the pain can be addressed, i.e. if I can be treated at my level of handicap - the bit that affects my life - then my life will be better. However this might not be the same as treating my disease by repairing broken bits for example - that is not possible in fact. Treating the disease is higher up on the International Classification of Diseases system, at the physical or cellular level.

I do hope this helps. I should have realised that people would think I meant the awful old fashioned way of using the word! I have been in a scientific environment too long maybe! But please do not fear, we are all on the side of the person with the problems, we don't even call them patients as much as we used to because we are in it together, more like partners in a problem solving situation.

Lizzie48 · 29/03/2018 19:41

All right, I understand what you mean, @Ellyess it's very easy to get into trouble online when you're engaging with people who don't know you at all. I've put my foot in it before.

OneStepSideways · 29/03/2018 19:46

good to have a 2 year old encouraged to be quiet and calm by reading to them or doing something to encourage them not to run around being noisy

The mum might have given up trying. If my toddler wants to run and I try to read a book she'll snatch the book and throw it or shout 'NO book Mummy! Book so HORRIBLE!'

RainbowBriteRules · 29/03/2018 19:50

To be clear, I don’t judge a parent even if they appear to be doing absolutely nothing to quieten their small child. Even if they are on the phone. Maybe they are having a bad day or have other things going on that I know nothing about. Perhaps they have just reached their limits and know as PP have said that whatever they do won’t work anyway.

Ellyess · 29/03/2018 19:59

Lizzie48 That's so kind of you! It's made me feel so much better! I'm so supportive of young mums it was hard to have people think I was so critical! Bringing up little ones is extremely hard. I've never forgotten!

I think all mums sympathise when they see a mum trying to deal with a toddler who's just determined to go their own way. My youngest was the worst. She actually did the throwing herself on the floor of the supermarket and banging her feet and fists frenzy-thing on me once. I had all these poe-faced blue-rinsed ladies standing round looking very haughty!
OneStepSideways Yes, good point! When mine did above rage in the supermarket I just stood and waited for her to stop. Luckily she did stop!

Rita2u · 29/03/2018 20:07

God help your children's Teachers when they meet you!

Gosh, another judgement! Why? I am a teacher. I respect my students, they respect me. I don’t expect them to be seen and not heard. I like to encourage them to have opinions and to express their emotions. If that means at times my classroom is a little noisy, so be it. I’m afraid that results speak for themselves. My children are fine too, thanks for your concern though 🤯

BustopherJones · 29/03/2018 20:09

You really can’t win. If you let a toddler wander about saying hello to people, someone will be annoyed that a child is bothering them, if you have a conversation lively enough to entertain them then someone else will call you a performance parent - and heaven forbid you do voices for the characters in a book! If they watch a video on a tablet someone will complain about electronic noise, and if they’re using headphones you’re still a lazy parent. I’ve seen all of these threads on here, and there’s no way to know what’s going to annoy people most!

I’m with my 2 all week so do experience quite a lot of negativity towards children. Things like people loudly sighing ‘well that’s the end of a relaxing journey’ when I got on the train with a sleeping newborn, who went on to sleep the whole way. I often don’t speak to any adults until DP comes Home and it can be hard to keep a sense of humour about it.

moita · 29/03/2018 20:15

Things like people loudly sighing ‘well that’s the end of a relaxing journey’ when I got on the train with a sleeping newborn, who went on to sleep the whole way.

Yes I've experienced this. Bask in the smugness your baby's behaviour showed their rudeness up. But it is hard, especially if you are a new mum - can really dent your confidence.

Ellyess · 29/03/2018 20:21

OneStepSideways I should have said - at least you tried! Please don't think I'm judging you! I know what it's like! But it makes a difference when someone just makes an attempt even if they look like they are giving up... that just fills me with so much fellow-feeling for them! I wasn't saying reading a book would work, it's just it might (ha ha says you! or your little daughter rather!) I really don't expect miracles! And the "perhaps she'd given up" suggestion hit a good point for me because I remember feeling as if I just couldn't go on once with my first daughter on a bus journey when she was so awful! I just ran out of options and kind of gave up!

Honestly though, there are and have always been no doubt, parents who let their kids do things we wouldn't let ours do. I always quote the time when my old school friend's son just kept kicking my daughter (he 4 she 3) and she did nothing to stop him and another time when a colleague of my husband's brought his wife and youngest 1ged 3 round and they just said nothing at all while the child kept whacking a brick against our TV. Some people are just weird and different parenting styles can cause strong feelings!!

BustopherJones You sum up the situation so well! You also make it clear just how resourceful a mother needs to be. You sound as if you do a brilliant job! Btw I let my hair grow at that time! My husband disliked it, I said he could look after the baby and toddler while I went to get it cut..... My hair got longer.

ForkIt · 29/03/2018 20:25

I have a neurological condition that can really painfully flare up. The judges looks in the waiting room as I try to manage 3 young children, a lot of pain, no sleep do make me wonder. Often from people who look fairly ok themselves..:

Ellyess · 29/03/2018 20:43

BustopherJones moita When you said;
"I’m with my 2 all week so do experience quite a lot of negativity towards children" and described what people do I nearly cried! I'm so sorry! I didn't know it was as bad as this, honestly! I had a fair bit with both my first two long ago but my third has been rather different so I probably didn't get the same exposure that all of you get to these horrible people.
It's just disgusting if people make such comments on trains or anywhere.

No wonder you get upset when you feel criticised! I absolutely promise you I totally support mums especially with babies and toddlers. Don't forget you are doing the most important job in the world. True don't laugh.

I too was low in confidence after my first birth, having had a bad time and lost a lot of blood but through some mix-up not given the transfusion. It was so hard. Just getting ready to go out took ages.

How I wish I could cheer you up and do something to make people realise what dreadfully bad treatment you get. It really is atrocious.

Please do not let people like that get to you. It is true there are anti-social people around and when you're out you might come across one or two. Try to ignore them they are not worth your attention. Looking after your children is the most important thing in the world and it will be part of your life - your being - for ever. These idiots are passing lumps of yuk that you don't want to get stuck on your shoe, so don't let them stay in your memory.

Just love your children, however tired you are, it is a time of life that flies by very fast. Big hugs. Flowers

Lizzie48 · 29/03/2018 20:54

You're welcome, Ellyess this thread has brought back so many memories for me. I've spent so much time in hospital waiting rooms with DD1, or in actual appointments, where she's been such hard work! I remember one specialist saying she was the most active child she'd ever seen who didn't have ADHD. (It should have been her nap time, tbf, she was only 18 months then.)

We're still trying to get a proper assessment of her needs at 9 years old.

I think, as long as you've done your best with your DCs, and are doing all you can to stop them annoying other people (allowing them to hassle other patients really isn't on at all, we've never allowed that), then that's all that can be expected.

Ellyess · 29/03/2018 20:55

ForkIt I'm really sorry to hear that. Great name, btw! I am sure people can tell you're doing what you can to not bother anyone. Just ignore the miserable judgemental ones. I usually try and help mums with more that one toddler/baby. Usually the baby wants mum but the toddlers find me interesting, - a fossil maybe?

I think this thread, well the parts revealing how hard it is to go to essential places with young children, should be written on the walls of the underground, on buses, trains, anywhere that people can see it as they sit waiting. It's time to wake them up to what you go through.

I am in pain all the time, but now I do not have to lift a toddler. I really do feel for you and send you tons of love. Flowers

Ellyess · 29/03/2018 21:24

Lizzie48 Oh Lizzie, I didn't know your DD needed help! It's so hard for the parents, I think mum especially (usually), when you know that your child has needs and no one can quite decide what to do. As for when you go out with her, I understand that extremely well. A child who has different needs but doesn't appear any different is quickly judged by people who do not understand. It's very hard. I would try to be a bit thick skinned and superior towards these people and just think they are too ignorant to understand.

As I do not know you I cannot make any helpful suggestions and i retired a couple of years ago too. However, if it's appropriate, I can give you an anecdote; at the Child and Adolescent Department of the Institute of Psychiatry, where I worked, we used to try and give children not so much a diagnosis as a "heading" which would cover their needs in such a way as to require their Education Department (i.e. where they lived) to provide the appropriate resources to aid that child to access a good education. My boss when I was new was wonderful. He used to give titles on children's medical records which were completely accurate but not necessarily a diagnostic term. This was selected according to the area the child came from because some areas were better at helping a child if they had say, "Autism" written on their notes and other areas would not be helpful with that diagnosis so he would write something accurate but different! This ensured the child was allocated good educational provision. It was a long time ago as he has been retired for a while but still, in a more orthodox way, the aim is to try and channel the child towards the right educational provision. Obviously any medical care was/is provided. We saw such great kids and amazing parents. It was my favourite time.

I can only say try not to despair and don't give up. I know it is hard. I know it is exhausting so take a break whenever you possibly can (ha ha, says Lizzie!) Enjoy your DD, you know her as nobody else does so you are her best hope and her best help. With short attention span, don't force her. Encourage, try not to be negative. Try not to say "don't do.." but rather "do this ..." instead.

I really hope everything works out for you both and all the family. I'd like to say, God bless you! Hope that's ok, not everyone is in favour, but it's just my way. Lots of love ECake

Lizzie48 · 29/03/2018 22:15

Thank you for the advice, @Ellyess DD1 is adopted, she and DD2 are birth siblings, 3 years apart. She has anger issues and I've had to cope with violence from her towards me and towards DD2. She also throws things when in a rage, or tears things into pieces.

Anyway, it's not relevant to this thread. But I am definitely grateful for your post. X

Ellyess · 30/03/2018 12:43

Lizzie48 I guess it's relevant in that the issues your DD has are v. difficult when you go out. I think you are doing a wonderful job, really. Please don't think I'm being patronising, but I admire you so much for giving a safe and loving home to the children who so much need the stability you can provide. You are not just helping them but giving the communities in which they will live in the future, people who will have understood what a good loving family upbringing is like. I can't tell you what a difference that makes! In my funny "career" I've had so many experiences, including doing a 9 month work experience with Barnardo's with very disturbed teenage boys. Also in the work I mentioned in my other message, the children in family environments - often being fostered - were far more likely to have a good outcome and progress faster than the poor little ones who, for whatever reason, were unable to live in a family environment. Just hang on in there, you are one of our heroes and everyone needs to appreciate that - which I believe they do!

Lizzie48 · 30/03/2018 13:53

Thank you so much, Ellyess it doesn't seem patronising at all. Your post made me think of my DDs' birth mum, who grew up in care and ended up in over 10 residential places. The system really did let her down. Sad