To go on holiday even though one child can't come....

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This is my second post on here tonight.....

4 dcs between me and dh. I have 2 dcs, he has 2 also.

We have recently come in to a small amount of money last week and decided to book a last minute break before our baby arrives. I'm currently pregnant. Before we mentioned booking anything, we cleared it with dhs ex's. They were both fine, no problems, have a lovely time etc etc. Eldest dc is a teenager, youngest is 4. 2 separate mothers.

We had absolutely no idea but the eldest one is going on the exact holiday we are booking in 3 weeks time however it was still fine for her to come with us - it's a popular uk resort.

All planned to book it. Eldest dcs mother rings tonight and has now changed her mind, she cannot come with us as she's decided it's too much time off school.

What do we do? Book to go anyway but without her? The ex has already said she will not be impressed if we book without her dd and we should look at going another week. However:

1. If she cannot miss school time (which I understand but I wish she would of bloody said this yesterday instead of saying yes and then changing her mind) then we can't go. We can't afford to go in school holidays. It's an extra £1000+

1. Dh can only have this week off as it's last minute. So if we don't go that week, we can't go at all. All other weeks are booked up where he works.

Dhs dd knows about the holiday as we told her thinking it was all ok for us to go. Now she's in tears at the fact we are going without her.

During a FaceTime tonight between dh and his dd, the ex had the cheek to sit on her lap top looking at different dates for us all to go and saying 'oh if you go Friday to Monday, it's only an extra £300'. With dsd saying 'yeah just book that and I can come' However we can't afford that! And we have the dates and this is the only time we can go.

Weve even has dsd ringing dh later and saying 'dad can't we just go in half term? It's an extra £1000 but it means I can go, can't you just pay it?'

This has turned into a mess. What do we do? Not go? There's 3 other kids to consider, we want them to have a holiday. But we don't want the upset at all. I'm absolutely fuming at how it's all turned out if I'm honest. We so wanted dsd to come and it was all sorted it. We were literally waiting to get my dcs in bed tonight and then were booking it. Dh is gutted that dsd cant come but he doesn't want the rest of us to miss out on a holiday because of this situation. Is he right? I don't know. I desperately want to go, I want to take my dcs away as it will be the last time for a couple of years. Maybe longer. It's not often we can afford to go away.

Also to mention again, dsd is doing the exact holiday in 3 weeks time with her mum. So dh suggested doing a separate weekend with her. Dh would take her somewhere special just the 2 of them. But obviously he ex chipped in and said 'listen if you go away without dd then I'm sorry but that's just not fair'.

Are we unreasonable to go? This is the last time we can go before our baby arrives. With the budget we have, school holidays to this certain place is just a no no. The price triples. To go the week we want is £449. To go school holidays it's £1369.

Tbh what annoyed me is when we told dad about us all going on holiday yesterday her reaction was 'but I'm already going there with mum, can't we go somewhere different?' As mentioned, we had no idea she was going but told her no, this is where we are going and that's that. She went into a sulk and said she wasn't even sure she wanted to go anyway.

Even if dh can change his dates, it would make no difference as dsd can't miss school - which I understand. But we only have a small amount of money to go and schoo holidays is just not an option.

What would you do? Go on the holiday but be made to feel like utter s**t or not go at all but then everyone misses out?

Hope this post makes sense....sorry if I'm not being clear enough.....

sounds like any plans are impossible with various "exs" all round

I think I would go. It's a shame his dd can't come, but from what you have written it sounds like her mother is stirring it a bit.

Can you put in a leave request to the school? I don't expect they'll grant it as holiday but your DH presumably had pr and if this is the only time you can take a holiday that should be taken into account.

Tbh your husband ought not to have been encouraging term time holiday thoughts. His daughters education is important.

So what to do? Somewhere else, cheaper? Does it have to be the one specific place? Air b n b alternative?

@FlibbertyGiblets yes it does have to be this specific place. This is a place all dcs are desperate to go too. I'm sure most can figure out where it is tbh. I'm just not naming it incase the ex is on here.

I would go though don't really like term time holidays but sounds like its that or nothing. Explain you can't afford more and only week he can get off work and DSD is welcome to come.

How old is the DD (DSD?) that can't go?

On balance, I would go…. Unfortunate, but she is not going to miss out as she will be going anyway

Well the mother should not have said yes then no. That was unkind.

Possibly, however I think the problem is, she's missing a week off to go with her mum already. She didn't say this yesterday though. Dsd told us she was going last week of easter hols. It looks like she's going the first week back. Why the ex never said this yesterday, I have no idea....

I would go given dd does get to go a few weeks later. And agree to taking dd away for the weekend. I’d also ask the school for permission very nicely just in case.

Difficult one this. Personally I would go if it was the only chance to have a holiday.

Just go - if it’s not fair is she going to take your children when she goes?

Have a look at Bluestone instead, if you are alluding to the place I think.
Cheaper but very similar.
Depends where in the UK you are, obviously, as to whether it's practical.

The DC shouldn’t be taken out of school. Find another destination.

Just go... sounds harsh but yiuve tried to accomodate all ch as best you can, if sdd wasnt going with her mum s few weeks later she'd hsve jumped at the chance to come!

Sorry but she is not a young child, she needs to understand that money does not grow on trees. She was initially a part of the holiday planning process and now has changed her mind (well her mother has). Your dh has explained the reasoning for this break and offered to take her away in her own.

Go and enjoy your holiday. Sdd will come round, sounds like shes just being a typical teen and that her mother is also being a big influence!

I would go, as 1) she is going herself at another date and 2) it is her mum preventing her from going during term time.

As in why is it fair for her DD to have a holiday but not the rest of the DC

DSD mum should have told you before but i would still go as it's going to be probably the last holiday for you and your DCs in a while I'd leave your DH to handle his exs wrath.

I think the DSD’s Mum is BU. Her DD is going to that place anyway three weeks later, her Dad offered to take her away somewhere else alone, but no everybody else has to be inconvenienced so that she can be included in something that’s not once-in-a-lifetime. Mother and DSD both come across a bit fickle. Mother shouldn’t have said yes then reneged. DSD is throwing her toys about.

Have to say, all these blended family threads make me wonder just how complicated people can make their lives. I can barely cope with one husband and two children from him...!

Also, no teenager should be missing school for a holiday. So that would be the end of it for me.

Tell her mother you will go the other weekend if she pays the £300 difference but assuming she can't then it's up to her whether her dd comes with you or dh will do a separate weekend. Nothing else is an option as you can't afford it, however much you'd like dsd to go with you.
The ball is then in her court.

Teenagers, especially, shouldn’t be missing two weeks of school in the run up to end of year exams.
I think you need to make this about setting firm boundaries about not missing school rather than your ability to pay/where the other DCs want to go. Talk to the school if you have to - get their opinion. I’m sure they will back you up.

The harder issue you do have however is your other DC. His 4 year old is under legal school age but what about your two? It is a tough message for the teenager that she can’t miss school while letting her step siblings do so.

Go. The older child already has a holiday booked to the same place with her mother, surely it would be unfair on the others if she went twice?

Also sounds like the ex-wife is messing you about so I would just stand firm and say “we’re going, let us know if you change your mind about your daughter coming”. Leave the ball in her court.

She shouldn't be missing school for a holiday with either her mum or dad in an ideal world. So ideally you should have been looking at holidays all the kids can go on without missing school.
Mum shouldn't have agreed then changed the goal.posts.
I'm not sure. Would you go on holiday without your kids?
I wouldn't deprive my child of a holiday because someone else's couldn't come, on the other I wouldn't take my child out of school for holidays and i take holidays i can afford and only have one child which I can also afford.

I'm usually all for inclusion but you don't get to pick and choose what conveniently impacts the child's education - go, tell the ex you can't afford to change the weeks.

It's her choice DSD isn't coming, so she can either let her come or deal with the fact she can't.

Poor kid is the only one missing out on time with her family but to pay an extra £300 - £1000 is obscene, mother obviously isn't willing to contribute?

She was rude about the holiday anyway, so plans don't revolve around her.

You’re not depriving your dsd, she’s going three weeks later with her mum. Think it’s cheeky of her mum to tell you how much extra to spend as well, when she’s doing the same.

Sort out a weekend with dsd at a later date