To get really annoyed with 'fine thanks'?

[ImogenTubbs]

Example text conversation:

Them: Hey, how are you?
Me: Pretty good! Bit tired after busy weekend doing X,Y and Z. How are you?
Them: Yeah, fine thanks.

Or variations of the above. AIBU to find it really annoying when people just say, "fine thanks" when you ask how they are, particularly over text? I need more to work with! I genuinely want to know how they are or what they've been doing. I don't need war and peace, but just a bit of news, whatever it may be.

I have a couple of friends who are just REALLY HARD WORK over text as they never bloody tell me anything. Why bother keeping in touch, if they are just going to say, "fine thanks"?

Why not ask them proper open questions ?

Under those circumstances I'd say that's A pretty normal response

Just follow it up with a question about what you actually want to know. Fine thanks is a normal reply when we think people are asking rote questions and not really paying attention to the answer, or when things are fine, or when things aren't but they don't know where to start

That’s a standard response. Let’s be honest most people asking that question don’t care about how you are and what’s actually going on, it’s a polite greeting/conversation starter. You’re one of the rare ones that actually expects a response

How are you is a non question so you get a non response.

Nah, I know what you mean OP.

It's pisses me right off.

I ask very specific questions, share info and get a "fine, thanks".. no point in the exchange really!

I'm with you OP - they opened with 'how are you?' and I'm guessing would find it rude if you just replied with fine thanks. I have a couple of friends who are hard work like this. I just take a bit of solace for the fact that they get in touch. Often feel like it might be a group text though.

But what if everything is just the same. I’m still struggling with x y z, and a b and c are great but nothing of any scale at all is happening 😂 I’m fine but boring and tired and chubby and skint but in the grand scheme of things we’ve got enough and dp loves me, our house is warm, my mums great and I generally like my job. I am just fine ? 😂😂😂

I think you should ask, 'How are you?' is too vague. The recipient doesn't know how much you want to know and a standard response can be, 'fine thanks'. Ask 'Have you been out lately?' 'How is the family?' etc.

If only you could correct your own typos.....

I usually say that when I'm really not fine at all.

I get really annoyed being asked 'how are you?'
Fair enough if they asked first and give you nothing back, that's weird but I don't see the point of small talk via text. I only like to use texts/ online messages to say what I want to say eg. do you want to meet up?, have you seen the news about xx?
I would never answer truthfully to how I am. I have suffered long periods of depression and don't want to go on about it to any of my friends (none of which I have even told about it).
My work colleague asks me 'how are you?' every single day and it's been noticed before that I have a standard response, quickly turning the question back on them 'good thanks, how about you?' I really hate that question. If you were to say anything bad I don't think people always know how to respond!

There's no way you'd get anything much out of me by text. Even if I didn't have a primitive phone on which I take ages to peck out a message, I just don't want to have lengthy exchanges by text. (Well, I guess that is why I choose to put up with the stone age phone!)

If something major was going on with me and if I wanted to discuss it, which maybe I don't, I'd be looking for a proper conversation in person or by phone.

I agree with you. That would annoy me. I mean if you know the person it's obvious they want a bit of a relationship with you anyway isn't it and that is not having a relationship (whether that be friend, family or whatever)

It's not a question, it's a social ritual.

If you really want to know how people are, you need to ask a different question, or tell them you really want to know. They're not mind readers.

I love 'fine, thanks'. So much better than 'I'm good' or 'I'm great'.

What everyone else said. When people ask ‘how are you’ its not a question, it’s small talk, something to come after ‘hi’, no one wants the real answer ‘i’m really struggling and isolated and my stomach has had me on the shitter all day, the prospect of another 4 decades of this is unbearable’ so I say ‘ok’ in response to ‘how are you’. Then you get wankers that say ‘only ok? Ha. Ha.’
You are incredibly rare in that you actually want an honest reply to that inane filler phrase, ask a better question, if it’s people you actually know and care about this won’t be a problem.

It is a social ritual, but the answer should be 'fine thanks, what did you do at the weekend' or some other follow up question. Or 'fine thanks, had a great time at Nellie's funeral'. Something you can respond to. I'm with you OP.

Especially over text, where you don't even have to have a conversation in real time.

If I were you I'd start with something like 'Hey Nora, just thinking of you - how are you?' so they are more likely to provide more details or at least as how you are so you can start a conversation.

I've always thought when someone asks "how are you," they aren't really asking how you are. It's just smalltalk.

Round these parts, ‘how are you?’ is as much of a statement as a question, and people usually just respond with ‘how are you?’ and a nod!! It never actually needs a response; maybe it’s a Welsh thing?!

If you want a conversation, why not call them to speak to them? Some people don't like to have a meaningful conversation by text.

Some people don't want to burden others with their troubles.
Some people are just private and don't want to talk.
Sometimes anything more than "fine thanks" is just too much like hard work.
Sometimes, when people ask, they really only expect "fine thanks" and start to look bored/wander off if you tell them how you really feel.

When I went through a major break up, people at work would ask me how I was doing - I would actually say to them "do you want the quick answer or the real one?" and let them choose. Half of them genuinely wanted to know, the other half were just being conventionally polite.

How does anyone know, from a text, whether you're being conventionally polite or genuinely interested?

People don't know if you really care if you just ask "How are you?:

Better to say "What have you been up to?" or "How are you? I heard you'd done X and Y last week?"

A novel I read once described a protagonist as 'fine', which stood for Fucked Up, Insecure, Neurotic & Emotional.

I think in some cases it has the element of truth.

I've replied fine when I've been anything but. When texting you can't always share what you really feel.

To me a 'fine thanks' translates as 'on a scale of pissed off I am off that scale and then some' but I have some weird friends