To get really annoyed with 'fine thanks'?

[ImogenTubbs]

Example text conversation:

Them: Hey, how are you?
Me: Pretty good! Bit tired after busy weekend doing X,Y and Z. How are you?
Them: Yeah, fine thanks.

Or variations of the above. AIBU to find it really annoying when people just say, "fine thanks" when you ask how they are, particularly over text? I need more to work with! I genuinely want to know how they are or what they've been doing. I don't need war and peace, but just a bit of news, whatever it may be.

I have a couple of friends who are just REALLY HARD WORK over text as they never bloody tell me anything. Why bother keeping in touch, if they are just going to say, "fine thanks"?

Maybe you equally annoy them by yakking on too much. 😁

Dh always asks people who ask how he is whether they want the polite social pulp answer or if they really want to know. Friends/family know this so now only ask if they really want the full answer!

Fine thanks is my usual response, mostly because I can't believe that anyone is genuinely interested (self confidence issues).

How are you is just a stupid formality isn't it? I mean I'm not always fine or great. But if I started babbling on to a school run mum that I'm feeling really shit they'd become uncomfortable. People aren't really interested in how you are unless the answer is positive. Close friends and family are different though.

It is middle class law to reply to any enquiry about health or well being with nothing but , ‘Fine, thank you.’ You reply, And you?’ And they, in turn, say, Fine too.’

Details, symptoms or explanations are beyond the social pale.

I hate the how are you question, most are asking out of obligation or social expectation, not genuine care and want to know.
Plus some days i just dont feel like making mindless small talk, so i wont. Im fine answers the question asked and thats all thats needed

I have noticed that asking "How have you been " gets me a more detailed response than "How are you "

Text just isn't the medium for 'small talk' for most people - that's just the way it is.

For most people - text is for making plans, asking quick questions, getting confirmation of stuff, saying you're running behind, etc. Its super convenience for that. It's not ideal for small talk / conversations.

The people I text most often/regularly are my best friend (close by) and my brother and his partner (overseas).

I've realised there is a pattern to our regular chat, funnily enough.

Something funny happens and one or other texts - the other responds. At work, something on the news, walking down the street, whatever. Or one of us is somewhere and we take a photo and share it, and there's a bit of back and forth on that. So we do share news, but in a more round-about, dare I say, enjoyable way.

It's not forced conversation, along the 'how are you?' lines. We dip in and out, but I'm in contact with those people most days.

I understand the need to want to maintain relationships with people far away - might this approach work better for you?

I also hate small talk.
Also - what if someone really didn't do anything much at the weekend? I remember being asked at university once how my weekend had been and I just went "yeah, ok" because pretty much all I'd done was eat/sleep/etc. I just felt boring. I was never the type to go out clubbing or whatever.
Many people may not have much news. My day-to-day life is quite banal at the moment.

Yes Dowager I agree, texting isn't really the medium for small talk - I find it a chore to be honest, and very intrusive and time consuming unless I am sat on a bus going somewhere with nothing else to do. One of my ex colleagues does this, sends massively long texts which I just don't have the time or inclination to answer when I'm with my family watching the TV. Let's make an arrangement to meet up and then we can catch up properly then...

People seem to keep missing the point that it's OP's friends who START the conversations!

So PPs saying "Maybe they just don't like text, maybe they'd prefer to speak in person or on the phone" are spectacularly missing the point.

Thank you Motoko. I am genuinely trying to figure it out! One PP made a suggestion about how this sometimes happens with people who are insecure or are used to having sensitive conversations. There could be something in that. I want to be more sensitive and supportive as a friend.

I am fascinated by how many people on this thread don't see any middle ground between 'fine thanks' and a life story. That could also be it!
*
MrsJoshDunn* - you might be right. I do like a chat!

I am fascinated by how many people on this thread don't see any middle ground between 'fine thanks' and a life story.

Yeah, I noticed that on another similar thread recently, where the OP was wondering why people don't talk, at things like playgroups. She was just getting one word answers. Lots of people said they didn't want to be "interrogated", but she was just trying to pass the time and get to know people in these situations.

You wonder how these people make friends, or if this is the reason a lot of people on here say they don't have (m)any friends. It seems like so many people have social anxiety these days, they get defensive when anyone queries why some people are hard to have normal conversations with.

I agree

Well, in-person is a different kettle of fish from a text convo.

Because, yes that absolutely is frustrating.

If I get one word answers from someone I'm tying to have a friendly chat with - because they don't like being interrogated, or aren't in the mood - I will neatly side-step any future dealings with them.

They'd simply be relegated to the people who get a smile as I pass by. To talk to other, more interesting people.