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AIBU?

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Original poster

To get really annoyed with 'fine thanks'?

139 replies

ImogenTubbs · 25/03/2018 20:34

Example text conversation:

Them: Hey, how are you?
Me: Pretty good! Bit tired after busy weekend doing X,Y and Z. How are you?
Them: Yeah, fine thanks.

Or variations of the above. AIBU to find it really annoying when people just say, "fine thanks" when you ask how they are, particularly over text? I need more to work with! I genuinely want to know how they are or what they've been doing. I don't need war and peace, but just a bit of news, whatever it may be.

I have a couple of friends who are just REALLY HARD WORK over text as they never bloody tell me anything. Why bother keeping in touch, if they are just going to say, "fine thanks"?

OP posts:
Saracen · 27/03/2018 01:06

OP, you say that your friends don't dodge your attempts at conversation when you talk with them in person, only by text. And you don't get a sense that they are trying to avoid you or distance themselves from you. It really seems like the medium of text is your problem here. Your friends, like many posters on this thread, simply don't use texts in the same way you do.

You'll have to find another way to talk to them. They don't do "text chat".

gussyfinknottle · 27/03/2018 07:14

A text conversation isn't small talk. Maybe they are busy when you text and don't want to get into a chat because it's not convenient.

gamerwidow · 27/03/2018 07:19

It’s unusual if they are initiating the conversation but I never want to have a conversation by text. I find it more intrusive than a phone call because of the stop start nature of it. It’s a really unnatural form of conversation for me. Texts are for making specific plans.

Motoko · 27/03/2018 08:57

Maybe they are busy when you text and don't want to get into a chat because it's not convenient.

Eh? A massive advantage of having a conversation by text, is that you can do it when it is convenient!

And remember, they're the ones starting it. If they would rather chat on the phone, they would ring the OP, or send a text asking when it would be convenient to ring.

missmouse101 · 27/03/2018 09:02

It's 'hi' not 'hey' unless you are American. I dislike being asked how I am constantly. Can't people just say 'hello miss mouse' or 'good morning madam'?

UrgentScurryfunge · 27/03/2018 09:22

I'll tend to answer with something generally positive like fine because my life is at a pleasant but dull and monotonous stage, and there's not much new stimulus to report on. There's a limit to how scintilating my DCs activities or my latest run are and the DIY is progressing slowly. That's 95% of my life summed up for the last 6 months right there Grin

If they didn't answer back, that's annoying but they are feeding the conversation back. Maybe switching to a phonecall might be better at that stage.

I did once greet a friend going through an acrimonious divorce with, "so on a superficial level, how are you?" He laughed. We both knew he wasn't fine but it wasn't the point in the conversation to go down that route straight away and it saved him the bother of a painful lie in the face of small talk.

gussyfinknottle · 27/03/2018 09:23

If people don't want to share you can't force them.

Namechangemum100 · 27/03/2018 09:24

Maybe they just aren't that into texting and phone conversations.

I'm this way, I find the whole.process tedious, can't bare waffling on the phone about nothing, and texts are even worse.

Like another pp, I only really text to make direct arrangements with someone or if I have a specific question.

If someone texts me "how are you", they would 100% get a "fine thanks, you" response from me. However if they text "hey, shall we meet up soon" or something similar, then they would get a much "deeper" reply iykwim

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/03/2018 09:32

If you want more detailed answer ask open questions. So ‘how was your weekend?’ is a closed question so likely response is ‘fine thanks.’. ‘What did you do at the weekend?’ Is an open question. Likely response is ‘We went swimming and to Tash’s party.’ Giving you more to work with. Smile

justbinthefeckinbyebyebox · 27/03/2018 09:40

Woofyg I use F I N E, in my head when asked,
not as literate, but from an Aerosmith song!!!

BexleyRae · 27/03/2018 09:49

I hate being asked how I am.
I don't know why, but I actually really struggle to even answer with a generic fine thanks.

AjasLipstick · 27/03/2018 12:43

Bexley and all the "how are you" haters....you'd struggle in Oz! Here, you get asked that ALL the time. Every single shopkeeper asks it.

"Hi! How are you today?"

Then they ask things like "Up to much? Just doing some shopping?"

I never knew HOW to respond when I first arrived. They ask with such feeling, it's like they really care!

I've worked out that they don't care really but they sort of do too....if you just say "Fine thanks" then they remain polite and distant...but if you say "Ooooh I've had better days!" and launch into an explanation, then they love it!

gussyfinknottle · 27/03/2018 13:11

In the US you get asked how you are in a store or wherever. You say Fine, how are you? Sometimes there's a bit more chat about what's in the store or how hot/cold it is. Sometimes not. Banal but friendly.
If I want a chat to a friend, I'll have a chat when we are both comfortable doing it.

HowsAnnie25 · 27/03/2018 16:25

If I get that by text, I reply 'ok ta' or 'yep, not bad' I'm just waiting for them to get to the gist of why they're texting. I don't really do conversational texts. Call me if you want to chat.

whoahhorsey · 27/03/2018 17:22

I hate being expected to have conversations via text although I do like my friends. It feel unnatural and strange. I'm never quite sure how long it should last, how it should finish and how in-depth I'm supposed to go (both question or response). It's also really time-consuming in comparison with a call or meet-up. I don't have empty periods of time in my life where I would choose to connect with someone I care about in the least effective and most irritating form of communication I can imagine.

Mynewnameforabit · 27/03/2018 17:55

I love 'fine, thanks'. So much better than 'I'm good' or 'I'm great'.
Also seems preferable to 'not too bad thanks', which would be fine coming from someone with ongoing difficulties that the questioner knows about already, or someone very elderly. From a person in their 20's it just sounds so dreary and pessimistic.

Mynewnameforabit · 27/03/2018 17:59

I don't really do conversational texts. Call me if you want to chat.
I'm the opposite, I like to multi task, and can have a text conversation while watching a drama, or making lunch for the family. If I'll see someone within a week, I don't wat to chat on the phone as well, but I'm happy to text :-).

manicmij · 27/03/2018 18:12

Perhaps they would respond differently if you phoned them rather than a text.

Sequencedress · 27/03/2018 18:21

I use ‘fine thanks’ as an alternative to ‘fuck off and leave me in peace to work’ to an annoying work colleague. I quickly figured out she only asked how I was because social convention dictated I’d ask back and she could launch into that weeks drama Hmm

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 27/03/2018 18:21

I’m the same. If I don’t have nothing else to say I just say good thanks.
If I have stuff I wanted to share I would share it straight away. Even when I see someone I know whilst out the conversation is similar unless they ask me a question or I generally have something important to tell them.

turnipfarmers · 27/03/2018 18:24

I always reply with a 'fine thanks' because I know that people don't really want to know, asking is just a social nicety.

cheval · 27/03/2018 18:25

Have a look at very British problems on twitter. It is full of comments Brits make when they don’t really want an answer or are saying the opposite of what they say. How are you is a social greeting. It’s not an opening to a long, revealing convo. And frankly, I would hate it if it was!

Eveforever · 27/03/2018 18:35

Most people don't want any more than a fine thanks in reply, so I don't normally give them any more of a response. People may ask how I am, but I don't think most people really expect or have time for a proper answer.

Maybe you can show me how one should reply... how are you OP?

Brocka · 27/03/2018 18:42

See I'm the opposite of you if I ask how someone is. I usually don't really care, and would prefer a "fine thanks" and if I got a life story like you are expecting I'd probably block them

turnipfarmers · 27/03/2018 18:57

@brocka See I'm the opposite of you if I ask how someone is. I usually don't really care, and would prefer a "fine thanks" and if I got a life story like you are expecting I'd probably block them

In that case why do you ask? Why not just say hello/good morning/fuck off and miss out asking how they are?

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