To get really annoyed with 'fine thanks'?

[ImogenTubbs]

Example text conversation:

Them: Hey, how are you?
Me: Pretty good! Bit tired after busy weekend doing X,Y and Z. How are you?
Them: Yeah, fine thanks.

Or variations of the above. AIBU to find it really annoying when people just say, "fine thanks" when you ask how they are, particularly over text? I need more to work with! I genuinely want to know how they are or what they've been doing. I don't need war and peace, but just a bit of news, whatever it may be.

I have a couple of friends who are just REALLY HARD WORK over text as they never bloody tell me anything. Why bother keeping in touch, if they are just going to say, "fine thanks"?

When a Company call you and start the conversation with 'how are you today?' Try telling them in great detail....they don't like it
I prefer people to get to the point in conversations without the 'how are you?" because mostly, they don't really want to know.

Just because you ask a question, it doesn’t mean the person has to divulge any more than they wish. If it is fine thanks, that is it.

I hate text conversations like this, or by messenger or whatsapp. One question leading to another, ‘what have you done at the weekend’ ‘I went to a restaurant’ ‘oo what did you have’ – I find it exhausting and I don’t want to spend that much time on my phone chatting to people, it makes me want to not reply at all.
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^ absolutely this.*

I don’t think people are actually asking how you are when they ask ‘how are you?’ My sister will text me out of the blue with this and I used to give responses like yours but I now know really what she means is ‘I haven’t heard from you for a while, please pay me some attention’.

I know this isn’t necessarily the case with everyone but she is a person who craves attention and as I’m not on Facebook to see all the dramas and bait she likes to throw out to people she’ll ask how I am but only as a way to start a conversation. She doesn’t really want to know.

'Fine, thanks' is just a polite way to bring the small talk to a close.

People are not obliged to provide you with 'news' !

I'm genuinely amazed at how many people seem annoyed at someone trying to ask how they are and have conversations over text. Isn't a text message less irritating than a phone call though? A conversation over text doesn't demand you drop everything and talk. Besides, what if you don't live near friends and can't catch up face to face?
Honestly I'm grateful for anyone taking the time out to reach out to me no matter the medium (I may not always be available but I appreciate the effort), and judging by the number of threads on here about not having friends or being lonely I would've thought more people would feel the same.

And the OP has already said that this scenario relates to friends, not random salespeople or work colleagues who are just being polite. Presumably family and friends who ask how you are genuinely care enough to be interested in the response? My DH and I often ask each other how we are via text, so it's not especially formal necessarily.

If I say "fine thanks" it is because I am. I'm always fine!

I tend to reply either "fine thanks" or "things are really good thanks" and then move on to other topics.

If you aren't my friend or I am not in the mood, I don't want to tell you all about my MS problems, my DD's anxiety over moving up to secondary school, my row with dh over what he meant when he said something that pissed me off, my cat throwing up a hair ball, my gardening triumphs and problems, my trying to deal with a possible rat invasion of our garage. My nice cup of tea. My lingering cold.
If you ask me, I'll say Fine Thanks.

That’s exactly right @gussyfinknottle, I feel totally the same. I find it really hard being with friends when they want to talk about every detail of their or your life. Like “so, what else have you been up to?” and “what else is new with you then”. I don’t tend to have that much ‘news’ and I’m private about my love life and friendships. I want to talk about music, or the news, or interesting stuff, not necessarily highbrow (I like a silly joke) but just not about my doctors appointment or my weekend in London or my boring job.

"the trouble is, because I don't see them very often and they don't share anything over text,"

I don't think texting is the right medium for a conversation. Far better to make a phone call, Skype, email or use Messenger - all methods that are much easier with a laptop.

"Isn't a text message less irritating than a phone call though?"

No, I prefer a proper two way conversation. I hate faffing around texting. You think you have sent the last text then they send one back. It is easier to end a conversation and put the phone down.

"fine thanks"

Really has two meanings - either 'Im anything but fine' or 'stop interrogating me' but loosely both mean 'back off! I have no wish to discuss anything'

It's much more polite to say I'm fine thanks than to say I can't be arsed telling you or just mind your own business.

I hate texting back and forth, it annoys me. If you want to talk to me either ring me or let's arrange to go for a drink. So I probably come across as quite curt in my messages.

Perhaps this differs across age group? Amongst my friends we very rarely call each other to have a long chat and if we do it'd be scheduled in, but text message conversations over Whatsapp etc are quite common. (We're in our 20s for the most part.)

Really? This is called being polite as mostly no one wants to hear all the boring shite!

I always say fine thanks because I know full damn well people don't really care.

If I opened up and told people really feel then people start to show panic in thier faces and think of ways to edge away

That's why I don't do small talk and just say I'm fine thanks

It’s the British way of dealing with emotions, pretend they don’t exist. You do know it stands for Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Exhausted don’t you?

gigg My friends and I are in our 40s and 50s. We text to make meeting arrangements and then chat when we see each other. None of us CBA to have text conversations.

If someone asks 'how are you?' the ONLY acceptable reply is 'fine thanks'.

Agree Alec.

When someone asks how I am,I assume they are just being polite and don't actually want a 5 minute account of all my ailments and problems!

Isn't there something in between "fine thanks" and a list of all ailments and problems, though? You could, I dunno, say something you did at the weekend, or a book you've just finished reading, something you're looking forward to or a news story you just heard that made you cry. Anything. Something! If you're my friend, I want to know! Even if you're not, I usually want to learn a little something about you.

Isn't that the point of small talk? To find some common ground, and ideally glean enough information that you can go on to have a more interesting conversation?

But, no time.