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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Pull Her Up On This?

226 replies

MrsGloop · 24/03/2018 20:42

My DD (10) has a good friend from school, I’ll call her Jane. They’ve had sleepovers st each other’s houses and are pretty tight. Jane recently moved schools but the girls see each other every week at choir. Jane’s mum has become a good friend of mine and we get together within a group of five every month or so.

DDs birthday party is tomorrow. Jane is coming - do you see where this is going yet? - and a couple of weeks ago Jane’s mum asked me, in front of DD, when it was so that she could plan Jane’s birthday party on a different day.

Fast forward to today, it’s choir practice and I sent a text to Jane’s mum offering to give Jane a ride home (We practically drive past their house.) Mum responded - no need, Jane won’t be there, she’s at a basketball team party. Ok, no problem.

Logged on to FB when I got home. Basketball party my arse. Jane had her birthday party this morning. No invitation for my DD (although I bet the cf still comes to my DDs party tomorrow.)

Who does that? I don’t know what I’m angry about - the fact that she made this big production about making sure the dates didn’t clash, or the fact that flat-out lied to me this morning. I understand that it’s Jane’s prerogative to invite who she likes, but handle it gracefully for goodness sake!

My DH is very anti-confrontation so thinks it’s a terrible idea to ever raise it with her, but I’m really pissed off. What would you do?

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 25/03/2018 10:35

Petty or not, I did respond to the FB post commenting on how fun that particular venue is for birthdays

Perfect response....but I'd leave it at that. She knows you know. Ball is in her court now.

Serialweightwatcher · 25/03/2018 10:35

I'd do as Wallywobbles said too - I'd be annoyed and you are not being unreasonable at all - as for some posters on here ... bloody hell there are some real nasty people around, but that's life unfortunately

dangerrabbit · 25/03/2018 10:38

I wouldn’t speak to the mum about it but would speak to DD about it and see what she thought and whether she wanted the friendship to continue. Explain that people go though different stages and friendships change when people move schools. It could actually be a useful chance for her to practice how she might respond when friendship groups hangs at secondary school.

Then led by DD I would allow them to meet up on future playdates etc if DD asked but I certainly wouldn’t facilitate or encourage this by suggesting DD meet up with Jane. And I would certainly drop the temperature several degrees around mum.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 25/03/2018 10:46

Some of the responses on here are unnecessarily harsh & aggressive Hmm
I'd be pissed off too OP, posting it on FB after she'd lied to you about it is pretty stupid. Be interested to see how she acts with you later...

TSSDNCOP · 25/03/2018 10:49

Oh dear. I would have slammed FB shut and not shown/mentioned the party to DD. Really what good has come of that? She and Jane can still be friends, you can decide what you like about her Mum.

I absolutely wouldn’t have responded with a comment on the FB pics, in fact I’m cringing at the thought.

gingergenius · 25/03/2018 10:54

So many unnecessarily unpleasant responses on here! Yes we're all different but there's no need for people to be personal!! FWIW I'm with you OP. And DD would have worked out sooner or later that she wasn't invited, whether she'd seen it on fb or not.

If Jane/janes mum didn't want to invite DD then she should just have explained that instead of lying. I'd have been upset too!

CheeseyToast · 25/03/2018 11:49

I'm cringing for you - clearly your daughter wasn't wanted at the party and hey, that's the way it goes sometimes. Have whatever thoughts you like but for the love of god don't air them.

KC225 · 25/03/2018 12:17

Some people on here. Phew! That hour change over has rattled a few feathers.

I'm with you OP. All it would have taken was a text if she didn't want an awkward conversation. DD has given me a list for her party and she hasn't included your DD. She won't budge on invites and with it being a new school etc. etc. I am sure you would have been all, don't worry I understand. It's the fact they are having sleepovers and you consider the mum a friend. It feels a bit sly.

Your response was fine. NO ONE need cringe for you. Leave it there, concentrate on giving your DD a lovely party.

Happy birthday to your DD.

woodhill · 25/03/2018 12:20

Not nice for your dd OP, I think it is awful

hacipaleva · 25/03/2018 12:30

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
MrsGloop · 25/03/2018 13:02

WTF? Why would I lie about my DD seeing the FB photos? We were waiting ina shoe store for a staff member to bring some shoes to try, and she was sitting next to me, with her head on my shoulder.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsGloop · 25/03/2018 13:09

I have no idea how my friend pulled a party together in two weeks but she did. As for “lingering” on the photos - it didnt take long to realize what they were, I didn’t spend 10 minutes examining each one Confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsGloop · 25/03/2018 13:10

And some of you need to go back to bed and get the extra hour of sleep that you missed. Perhaps then you wouldn’t be such bitches.

OP posts:
KC225 · 25/03/2018 13:13

Hahaha. Way to go with your last post

bringbacksideburns · 25/03/2018 13:16

Lol!!!

I'd just like every single photo! Then she'll know you know without saying a word.

Hope your DD has a lovely party. Be super sweet to this girl and then leave em to it.

Either in a year's time they will still be friends, or most likely moved on to pastures new!

Bossbaby12 · 25/03/2018 13:16

HAHAHAHAH! Your last comment is hilarious OP.

Also I would be just as mad. Like you said, she lied to you. It's odd and pointless. I hope your DD is ok!

Yidette86 · 25/03/2018 15:39

Got to laugh at those being bitchy towards the OP... And accusing her of lying about how her daughter saw the photos on Facebook.. How ridiculous, get over yourselves, no need to be nasty.

Softkitty2 · 25/03/2018 15:42

Hahahaha... Your last post OP made me lol..

5plusMeAndHim · 25/03/2018 15:51

Surely what happened is that Jane's mum assumed Jane wouldwant to invite your DD and asked you for party date to avoid clash.In the eevnt Jane chose to invite people from her new school.Rather than hurt your feelings she made up the basketball team stuff.
Op you really have to let this sort of stuff go.It happens.You are making a mountain out of a molehill

FML2017 · 25/03/2018 15:59

I can’t believe some posters think the OP is overreacting or being unreasonable to question her friend..? Surely if you were in this position you wouldn’t just smile and think nothing of it?

ElsieMc · 25/03/2018 16:27

Redforfilth clearly got out of bed the wrong side this morning. I'll reword it if you like for your sensitive little ears to any reasonable mum. That okay? Off you trot to pick on someone else. Op you have it absolutely right in your recent posts.

Funnyface1 · 25/03/2018 16:29

I think I'd feel the same as you op. It's really bizarre to go from discussing the party dates with you and having sleepovers to suddenly have a party without inviting dd and lying to you about it.

I think I'd be very disappointed, a bit confused and sad for my DD. I'd probably have to say something if it were me.

5plusMeAndHim · 25/03/2018 19:26

Surely if you were in this position you wouldn’t just smile and think nothing of it?
No but I would let it go and not say anything because 1)Nobody has a right to an invitation even if has been previously alluded to that they will be 2) The subject of the controversy is so insignificant - an invite kid's birthday party for goodness sake

LoniceraJaponica · 25/03/2018 20:21

You just don't get it do you 5plus Hmm

Daifuku9 · 25/03/2018 21:22

MrsGloop, how did the party go? Did Jane show up?